My boyfriend (27M) has a female friend (26F) from work. They were friends before he and I (25F) started dating. Early on, he was honest with me and told me that she liked him, but he didn’t feel the same way and nothing ever happened between them.
A little while after we got together, we all ended up on a night out with a group. That’s when I noticed the way she looked at him. It wasn’t super obvious, but you know when you can just tell someone has a crush? Later I asked him about it, and he confirmed that she does like him but reassured me that nothing would ever happen from his side.
Now, he’s asked if I would be okay with him going out for food or coffee with her. I trust my boyfriend completely, but I don’t trust her. It feels like she might just be waiting for an opportunity.
So I’m torn: I don’t want to be controlling, but I also don’t feel great about the idea. What’s a reasonable boundary here? Has anyone else dealt with something similar?
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Go with them for food or coffee. That’s an acceptable boundary.
Going out for a coffee or lunch sounds like a date.
Please give some context. Is he speaking theoretically in case through work they end up going for coffee or lunch? Or he wants to plan an outing with her?
He knows she has a crush on him so if he wasn’t interested he would be shutting her down.
I feel him asking for permission is a bit of a trap. My response would be:
‘You’re an adult. You don’t need permission from me to do anything. If you want to go to lunch or coffee with <name> that’s your choice.”
OP, it’s not your job to keep your BF in line. If he wants to go to lunch with someone he knows wants to date him, then you telling him he can’t, does nothing in the long run.
Let him make his own choices. And remember, you get to make your own choices.
Do you want to date someone who encourages a woman who has a romantic interest in him? I wouldn’t.
Remember: this has nothing to do with the other women’s behaviour; this is all about your BF’s behaviour and his choices. Dont be tempted to blame her for your BF’s choices.
Just tell him you are not comfortable with him spending one on one time with someone he knows is interested in him, ask him what his reaction would be if you went for coffee with someone he knows was interested in you.
Let him know you don’t feel safe about this situation.