TLDR: Fiance is distant, how can I make date night amazing and bring back gentle honest communication?
We’ve been together for a few years and just got engaged—she said yes and everything felt perfect. I (28F) proposed to her (33F, let’s call her Rose) in a quiet, personal way that meant a lot to us both. We cried, we hugged, it was peaceful and grounding after a very long stretch of family chaos and stress on my end. I thought we’d turned a corner into something joyful.
But ever since I proposed, Rose has been… different.
She’s not cold or mean. She still says “I love you,” still cuddles at night. But she’s quiet. She’s been spending a lot more time alone—reading, gardening, watching shows with headphones in. I finally asked her if everything was okay, and she just said she’s decompressing from work. I totally get needing space (I really do), but I can’t shake the feeling that she’s pulling away.
For context: my family situation is a disaster. I’m basically no contact with most of them, and while I’m healing, it’s left me feeling like I have no real safety net outside of Rose and my best friend (Candy, F26). Rose has always been my emotional anchor and my person i mean i lover her so much. I know that’s a lot to put on one person and I try really hard not to. But I feel like I’m holding my breath all the time now. Like I’m scared I’m going to be too much and she’ll leave.
We talked and agreed to start doing date nights every other week. Our first one is this Friday, and I want it to go well but I don’t want it to feel like I’m trying to “fix” her or like I’m testing her. I just want to reconnect in a way that’s gentle and loving and reminds her (and me) why we said yes in the first place.
So… what do I do?
I’m not looking for magic answers, but I guess I’m asking:
Has anyone else experienced this kind of distance after a proposal?
How do you show love without smothering someone who needs space?
Any low-key but meaningful date night ideas that don’t feel heavy or like pressure?
Thanks in advance. I love this woman so much and I don’t want fear to ruin what could still be a beautiful beginning.
Candy reminded me of my account here with family history attached so if you want to know all that crap it’s on here. Thanks so much I just want tk feel safe in this relationship and know she does feel that way too.