Hi everyone,
My wife (32F) and I (33M) have been married for 6 years. We have a 2-year-old son and honestly, so many beautiful memories together. We’ve always been close, loving, and it felt like we were a really strong team.
A few months ago, during a fight, I completely broke down. I had a meltdown and ended up yelling because I felt overwhelmed. Since then, something feels broken between us. About 4 months later, one night before bed, she told me that ever since that meltdown she’s been “thinking differently” and that things don’t feel the same to her anymore.
That triggered huge abandonment fears in me. I panicked and got dramatic, telling her things like: “You and our son are everything I have… where is this going? Please just give me something.” According to her, that moment created even more distance, because she saw a side of me she didn’t expect, and it made her start questioning things.
Since then, she’s been pulling away more and more – both emotionally and physically. We started couples therapy, but it’s been really hard. She brings up a lot of criticism, which I know she has a right to, but for me it’s extremely hard to take in. And whenever I gently ask if she still has hope or sees a light at the end of the tunnel, she shuts down even more, as if my need for reassurance only pushes her further away.
I know pressure won’t help, but this distance is crushing me. We’ve had so much love, we share a child, we’ve built a life together… and now I feel like I’m standing in front of a wall that just gets taller the more I try to reach out.
Has anyone been through something like this? How did you cope with the emotional distance without falling apart yourself?
Comments
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I’m not sure more could be said than to keep engaging in the couples therapy. It sounds like the meltdown incident was not the unique event you think it was, and it may just have been the final straw that has broken something. You need to focus on rebuilding trust and connection and you will be guided by the therapy as to how to do that.