My wife’s parents are EXTREMELY toxic. They fight all day, every day, and then take it all out from my wife. Due to her oppressive upbringing, she has a really hard time saying “no” and she always tends to carry the burden of others. We’ve been together for 5 years and married for 2 years, and she has improved SUBSTANTIALLY since. However, her parents still use her as a “buffer” between their toxic relationship. Now she can say “no” to SOME stuff more easily, but still; she feels bad afterwards.
I don’t want to impose on her like “F*CK YOUR PARENTS JUST TELL THEM TO F*CK OFF” because I know that it won’t work. What I do is be there for her, listen to her and just keep making her happy. But I KNOW that she wants to cut them off. She’s just too damaged.
Is there any other way I can help her?
Thank you.
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Help her go low contact with them and be less available to them.
Can she do some therapy? Might help.
You can create change by praising and celebrating each step in the right direction. Each time she says no, then you take her to a fancy restaurant and tell how proud you are and celebrate. And asking her how it felt to do it, there will always be some pain in saying “no”, listen to this pain without downplaying it.
But remember you are not proud like a parent is proud of their athlete-child. You are proud like a partner that loves her and sees her efforts. And remember even when she says “yes” she might have tried in her hear to say “no” and support that! Be like her best cheerleader when se succseeds and like a loving partner that shares the pain when it doesnt go like she wanted it to. But remember all change you want to help with have to come with her consent.