I love our therapist and my husband does too, but our therapist’s understanding of the mental load in our last session genuinely blew me away.
We were discussing how my husband could better support me as we are going through a particularly rough life patch and while it’s heavy on both of us, I am carrying far more than my husband is. Our therapist was discussing with us how my husband could better support me during this time, what else he might be able to take off my plate, or provide more emotional support, etc. My husband was struggling at identifying something specific and ultimately said that he needed me to tell him what to do, and our therapist pointed out that by me having to direct my husband, providing direction was yet another thing on my plate. To be completely honest, that didn’t even occur to me, but our therapist was completely right. My husband took it in stride and agreed, and I deeply appreciated the acknowledgement and recognition of the mental load I carry and the guidance provided to assuage adding to that mental load by our therapist.
Comments
The therapist is right.
Why is it on you to give him a list? Why can’t he figure out what to do? Is he so used to you doing everything he’s lost the ability to simply open his eyes, take a look around and get a basic task done? And when nothing gets done it later becomes your fault because he’s not a mind reader
As far as you making him a list, always remember: Who makes the list for you?
(No one, because an adult should be able to figure out that stuff on your own. If you can make a list, so can your husband.)
Gotta love therapy!