Hey guys, so this is kinda old stuff that happened a few months ago, but it’s been weighing on me more and more recently I’m not sure if this is the propper sub for this but I’m like 99 percent sure it is, so I’m just gonna tell strangers abt it because I’ve bothered all my friends with it a lot this might go up on other subs or smth too but strap in this is kinda nuts string of events I think I’ve heard just about all the advice but if anyone else has any at all please don’t hesitate to share.
alr, so this year I (17 M) signed up for an off-campus baking class after school once a week, it was kids from 5 or so different schools and it was 30 or so kids in the class, so we all knew each other. after a few classes. I was one of 4 guys and one of 2 not gay guys in the class, so I definitely talked to a lot of peaple and I had friends from other schools and stuff but me and this one girl (17F) just got along really well, she was super sweet and really kind wed work In the same group and like walk around to get stuff together and stuff. I thought she was super cute, but was also wayyy too scared to do anything about it and she was like drop dead gorgeous, so I assumed I had no shot. When I got home from one class, I realized she followed me on insta (I like never ever check Instagram and will go weeks without it), so I of course followed her back, and we started texting. it was clear she was also into me and almost immediately she was trying to find reasons for us to hangout sometime, normally I’m a very fast mover in realshinships and would also want to hangout very soon but me and my ex had split not to long ago and it was pretty toxic because we rushed into things and I also have a record of scaring girls off from coming off to strong to soon.
So I wanted to take things a lot slower this time. in the meantime, we were just getting to know each other and we got along really well we both really liked to work out, cook and to listen to music and go thrifting. she made it very clear she liked me and it was an amazing feeling but now I had this perfect match to my normal. she had that nice sweet, like safe space aura, and like could tell if i was exhausted and would talk to me about it. I hadn’t really felt that before then. She loved to listen to me talk about my interests and would send me these really long voice messages if we were already calling. I’m saying all this so it’s understood how well we got along, we matched each other perfectly, and we both really liked each other. After about a month and a half of talking, she texted me good morning one day (a day we had cooking class) and asked me to remind her what my favorite candy was. I texted her back and was a little curious as to what she had planned.
When I got to baking class that day, she pulled me aside before class and gave me a bag of peach rings (my fav candy) and asked me on a real official date that weekend. I instantly said yes and kept smiling at her, which she kept reminding me she thought was super cute. we spent the rest of that class enjoying time together and flirting and stuff. we got home and ironed out some details for our date and she told me that i should get gum to try to kiss her. the next morning i texted her good morning like normal and throughout the course of the day, i texted her 2 or 3 more times without hearing back wich was a little strange but it was pretty normal at that point for us to double or triple text without a response. then friday afternoon (baking is on wendsdays), I saw a text from her saying she wasn’t totally sure if we could hang out this weekend “no biggie” i though we could rescasdule and i assumed she just had work or smth but i asked if she was all good just in case and she just texted me “dude my mom died” I didn’t know what to say other than try to comfort her the best i could but I’m not a therapist or anything and just worried I wasn’t helping, she told me her mom overdosed on fent. She stopped responding, I just reminded her that I was there for her and we can reschedule whenever.
As close as we had gotten, I felt so torn because we hadn’t even gone on one date yet and we were more concerned with flirting and talking about interests then feeling when we did talk I didn’t feel like we had the proper realshinship to try to unpack this and the other part of me was utterly and totally fallen for this girl and i wanted to do everything i could to stay with her. as bad as I liked her i was so scared she was going through something so horrible and we were trying to start a realshinship. I was stressing myself out, worried she’d want to do things she’d regret later or rush into things and later regret it. She was in such an emotionally high situation, so I knew it would have some effect on us. I just wasn’t sure what it would be, what would be best for her, and what I was supposed to do. After a lot of thinking, I came to the conclusion that things would probably fade out and there’s not much I could or should do about it. I was really scared of hurting her more, so I just tried to do everything I could for her, but it wasn’t really much use. She ended up dropping the class, and we’ve texted a few times since and made plans to hang out but none of them panned out.
About my friends call me “the fumbler” so I’m used to things not working out, but this one keeps me up the most at night. She was so perfect for me, my friends would love her (the ones she didn’t meet), my family would have and she matched me perfectly. If I would have gone at the pace she wanted, and I normally would she probably would have been happily my girlfriend by the time her mom died, and I could have properly stuck around and supported her. It hurt so and I worried about her a lot but ultimately I think it was for the better. I never really got the phrase “right person wrong time” till all this. ik its a slog and ill probably repost it to another more relevant sub, but thanks for sticking with it and actually reading this cuz it got longgg (also sorry for spelling grammar mistakes I’m dyslexic)
TLDR: I and this girl fell for each other, then her mom died of an overdose and we had to cancel our first real date, and it all fell apart
Comments
Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be. I dated a girl when I was younger who was diagnosed with a serious health issue maybe 3 weeks after we decided to actually call it exclusive. She felt too guilty asking me to stick with her through something that could potentially end up killing her, so we broke up not long after that.
It happens, and you’re young enough that this will be eclipsed by other experiences in your future.