For the last few months, something wasn’t right with us, and we both agreed to go on a break instead of splitting up straight away, as it seemed less hasty and more mature, kind of like a restart. I’ve realized on this break, however, that I don’t want to be with her, and although we’re mostly no contact, we have checked in with each other, and I know she still wants things to work. Basically, how do I end it? I’ve never been on a “break” before. Do I just message and say I don’t want this anymore, or how do I say it? I know this is probably dumb, but as I said, I’ve never been here before, and I want to be as genuine and nice as possible about it all, as she’s done nothing wrong.
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I’ve never seen a couple recover after a break so if it’s any consolation it’s probably already over
Sleep with the girl at the copy shop
A break up message should be concise and clear. There shouldn’t be anything that can be disputed, because it’s not an invitation to consider breaking up, you’ve already decided. Saying too many nice things can give people hope. Skirting around saying the hard words is confusing. Something gentle but firm like:
“The break has made me realise that I do want to end the relationship. I really appreciate the good times we had, and I genuinely wish you the best for the future.”
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Rip off the bandaid.
Just gotta be careful on how to rip that Band-Aid off.
“Hey, so I’ve done a lot of thinking and self growth during our time apart. I think we’d be better people if we are not together. I know that this may come as a surprise and I’m sorry, I should’ve communicated a little more, but this is why we are on break. To figure it out right? We have so much more growing and figuring out life, and I’d like it if we could still be friends, but we can’t be together. You’ll always hold a place in my heart, I just don’t think we are right for each other. “
Plan a date!
Let her know that after time apart you realize you are not the right guy for her. I don’t think you need to unpack it anymore than that unless you feel a debrief is necessary. I also don’t think she is going to be devastated. You can do it in person over coffee or via message.
In my experience, most breaks are actually a break up. Just tell her that you do not want to get back together and wish her well.
There’s no such thing as a break… just break up. Getting stuck in limbo is not fair to anyone. Let her know that the break has allowed you to see that you don’t want the relationship any longer and you’re broken up. Too often a break is used as an opportunity to explore what else is out there (read other dudes) and then come back if the grass isn’t greener. Move on.
Call her at the LEAST. A text is cruel if you have been together for longer than a few months. Gives both of you closure, room to ask questions etc
“I know you want to work things out but i have sorted out my feelings and i have decided not to continue the relationship anymore. I am sorry it happened this way and that we agreed to maybe try and fix things after the break but i feel it is better this way”. You acknowledge that she wants to salvage things, that it was your decision based on how you feel, you acknowledge that this is painful to her especially after the glimmer of hope with being just on a break
I would just ask her to meet somewhere private and end it.
It’s great that you’ve taken the time to consider ur relationship, and I echo ur sentiments of pulling off the plaster!
My 2p’s worth is to say that it’d be great if you could end it irl instead of over message, unless y’all having been dating that long? I know difficult conversations suck, but it’d be a kick in the teeth for someone I’m properly involved/in love with to just send me a text.
You do you though bud, good luck. You seem sweet 💜
“I’ve taken this time apart to try to be completely honest with myself about whether we can or should try to make this relationship work. You are one of the best people I’ve ever known, probably my favorite person ever, and I want so much for you to be happy. Also, I know for a fact that you want me to be happy too. I don’t think I ever want a life without you in it in some way, but as a couple we just don’t work. I know that if we continued together we would lose what we currently have, what we can keep and build on as friends.
I wish this could work and I’m so sad that it can’t, but one thing I’m positive of is that no matter how our lives go from here; I’ll never love you any less, I’ll only love you different. Please take whatever time you need to grieve what we have lost, as will I, but I hope that very soon we can celebrate together what we hopefully still have.” Relationships just naturally run their course most of the time; what’s really sad though is when we desperately try to hold on for too long and lose the whole relationship rather than just the romantic aspect of it.
Don’t do a Ross that’s for sure 😂 Sorry, my advice would be to do it in person as its never nice to be broken up over text. Sit her down and gently tell her you don’t want to be with her anymore, it’ll be hard and I reckon there maybe some tears but I believe it’s the best way. I would only break up over text if you are worried about your safety 😊
“Hey after this time apart, I realized it would be best if we remained friends.”
or
“Hey after this time apart, I realized it would be best if we go our separate ways.”