My bf ‘27M’ has an insane amount of female friends and it drives me ‘24F’ crazy. Based on literally every friendship I’ve had with men I’ve come to feel that men only befriend girls they’re attractive to and/or plotting on. He is the complete opposite and says all his friends are strictly platonic and he has had zero romantic interactions with any of them, even the ones he admits he would say are pretty. I’m really struggling to believe that this is true. I’ve met most of his friends and some of these girls are really really attractive so it does make me feel a bit insecure and doubtful that he doesn’t feel attraction to them or would date them if they pursued him. Any advice?
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As a woman, I’ve had attractive male friends that are JUST FRIENDS.
As a woman, no man who said he was my friend was fully happy with just friends. I think it depends.
Is it driving you nuts cause you think he’s gonna smash them or cause you look closer to Gorlock the Destroyer compared to his friends?
No.
Yes, easily, often. Why wouldn’t I be able to do that?
if he has given you nothing to believe he might be cheating(admitting they are pretty isnt one of them) then you are just insecure, it is normal to have friends
yes, it’s entirely possible for people to be just friends, regardless of gender. people do it every day.
>Any advice?
jealousy and insecurity are toxic to relationships. if you trust your partner, just let those emotions go.
if you don’t trust your partner, don’t date them; not trusting your partner just leads to unhappiness, resentment, and toxicity, and you deserve better than that.
Yes but it’s rare and in my experience, often turns into fwb if both parties are not seeing anybody else.
Yes, but that’s not to say I’ve not at least considered them romantically or sexually, I probably have.
Straight up I’m in the same boat as him I have a lot of female friends some of that stems from the horses some is from previous jobs. Others from other circles. It drives my partner crazy sometimes but I’ve never once looked at them as a potential relationship or sexual partners. I don’t date in my friends circle.
We love in a world where there is a constant bombarding talk of this. Sometimes it’s just not true.
I asked one of my a lady why is it that I have so many friends that are ladies in my circle. She was this honest. You don’t know. Nope… Your safe to be around no one feels like your going to sleaze onto them or try get them into bed. And your always loyal to your partner.
Sometimes it’s that black and white. I was married for 16yrs and with her for another 2 prior never once cheated but she did a lot. And always with supposed friends. My partner has guy friends and I could get quite jumpy especially knowing that some of them fancy her. She told them out right at the start I’m not interested I’ve met someone and that is that. Anyone that’s pushed on that boundary she’s cut loose.
It’s very simple minded to put an entire gender into one box. People are far more complex than that. If he hasn’t given you any reason to doubt him then either trust him or move on to the next.
I work in a male dominant field. If I didn’t have male friends, I wouldn’t have friends. There is no romance. I know their wives. They are more like brothers.
I have friends who are attractive. I’m a dude. The key is neither party feels attraction like that for the other. There’s no arousal or anything. I also have friends who I find sexually attracted to. You just respect the boundary. I’m not one who has had too many women throwing themselves at me in a moment of passion. But yes… the 2 mentioned first. Very attractive but not to one another. Sisterly love only.
Two of my best friends are male, I have no issues. I’m also a lesbian, though
I’ve had several female friends throughout my life that were strictly friends I had no hidden motive with. Many of them would be considered extremely attractive based on norms.
I personally wouldn’t call him a liar, he may be friends with them… I do however believe your gut often sees what your eyes don’t. If you think something is off with these friends, you might be right.
I have also noticed that jealousy often stems from how you would behave if the rolls were reversed (someone who would take advantage of the attention is more likely to feel their partner would do the same).
I don’t really have any female friends outside of work that I talk with on a regular basis. Those friends are attractive and I keep their friendship platonic. I just don’t need the wife feeling any type of way so I talk with them only when necessary.
I have several co-workers that are very attractive that I treat only as friends. It would be stupid and very unfair and wouldn’t even make sense not to. 1) I am married so I’m not looking to date. 2) The fact that they are attractive should just be an admirable quality and not something that defines your friendship. Its not their fault that they just happen to be attractive, but attractive people are still just people. 3) Its unfair to treat people that way. Being mean or avoidant to speak to someone or be friendly with them based off of the way they look in general is just mean. Even if that person is “good looking.”
Us guys, especially attractive guys, can be really clueless. I was a handsome hunk when I was younger. I just thought they liked to talk to me. It wasn’t until maybe 20 years later I ran into a couple of them, they were like, “Why didn’t you drag me into the closet?”, or, “I wanted you so bad”… so clueless is more like it
Very relatable. The last guy I dated was exactly like this. I was skeptical and gave him the benefit of the doubt however he did eventually admit that he slept with one girl a couple times in the beginning of our “talking stage” when we were “nothing” per what he says. And also slept with an old coworker after we already established we were just friends and nothing more but still entertaining each other beyond friends. If I were you I would just be alert. If you trust him wholeheartedly and he loves you OUT LOUD I wouldn’t be too concerned.
Take good hard look at his character, as a MAN. In all areas of his life, is he of good character in his dealings with other people.
If you were not dating him, and looking onto the situation as an unbiased observer, knowing what you know of him, would you bet money on he would, or wouldn’t cheat.
Now, look at the girls, and do the same thing regarding whether they would try to poach him.
Yes. Easily.
Do I ever fall for my friends? Sure. Honestly, I’ve never fallen for anyone else. Eventually, I married one of them.
Do I fall for all of my friends? No. Not by a longshot.
Friends can become lovers, but they certainly don’t have to, and most of the time I don’t want them to.
This is the way I see it: If you don’t trust your boyfriend, there’s really no point in having a relationship with him. Life is too short to have relationships where you’re suspicious. If you do trust your boyfriend, you trust him, and then what he says is true.
May I ask if you’ve been cheated on before? Sometimes a hurtful event like that can make people worry that they’re the kind of person that people cheat on, and that belief about onself can cause all kinds of feelings, ideas and behaviors that carry over in future relationships.
as a man(43m) I can safely say unless the guy is gay or asexual he cannot be strictly platonic with a hot ‘girl’ friend
Yes.
That’s the full answer. Yes.
If you struggle with this, that’s a you problem, not a gender problem.
If he has slept with any of them then they can’t be friends.
Chances are if yous broke up and there was a girl friends he was close with or does talk to often and the girl asked him out i doubt he’d be saying no. Or the other way around.
So really I’d say no.
Even if there’s nothing going on- flirting ect while he’s been with you. (Or any guy in a relationship) doesn’t mean once you break up they won’t be interested in their girl mates.
Only if they’re not annoying. Like bro, I’ll have girl-friends, but when a girl is my friend and they try treating me like one of their “girlfriends” getting all clingy / blowing me up, yeah nah I’m leaving you on red.
But if you’re chill, attractive or not idgaf because theres nothing but attractive girls everywhere. Now its just personality for me, as unfortunately most women I’ve ran into lately in the past couple of years have been a bad experience.
If you trust him, don’t wreck a good relationship by being suspicious or paranoid.
Yes, people of all genders and sexual orientations can be just friends. The ones who are just horndogs will out themselves, usually sooner than later.
If you can’t trust him, is that a you problem or a him problem? Figure that shit out quick.
I have and continue to have a number of female friends. In many ways, I find it easier to communicate with women, and I don’t really see why it should make a difference what gender my friends are. I’m not interested in anything more than friendship, and I’m often confused by people thinking that I would be. There is never an issue for me of boundaries, because it’s obvious to me, and I deeply respect my wife.
I can’t speak for your BF. But I can categorically confirm that there are plenty of people like me (and maybe him) who truly do value all their friends for friendship only, regardless of how it may look to others. If a woman friend of mine attempted to change the dynamic during my marriage to something more than friendship- well, then that’s not a real friend. I only want friends who respect where I am in life, and luckily all of mine right now do so. Good luck to you!
Yes we can be just friends with women even our ex’s sometimes without anything sexual just enjoying their company as friends.
From personal experience as a man, yes men can truly be just friends with attractive women and sometimes they can actually make better friends than guys especially when ur in a relationship with someone since they can give relationship advice from a female perspective however they are many both men and women who manage to cheat on their partners with the opposite gender of friends so make sure he isn’t doing that
It can happen. Sometimes they’re just not each other’s type or the attraction just isn’t there. Or one might be attracted initially but the other one doesn’t feel a spark.
Do you not realise yet that it’s possible to know a woman is attractive and yet not fall into her vagina?
I have plenty of male friends. My husband has plenty of female friends. And if they disrespect the boundaries of our marriage. They are no longer friends.
Men can be friends with women. Not every single man wants to fuck his friends
Women can be friends with men. Not every single woman wants to fuck her friends.
Nope , 1000000% nope ….women can be friends towards men, men can pretend to be a caring friend ….but in the end they will absolutely be looking for the moment to lay down the pipe ….always ….without any question
I’m on your team. I feel like you should be concerned because I just don’t believe guys can be “true” friends with a woman. Especially if they are attractive. If there was an obvious level of unattractiveness, it might be easier to accept that your man might not have romantic interest. But if your man is attractive, you have to be concerned with the woman having feelings.
Your situation seems like a catch 22. You can’t win. But you can choose on how you handle it. I hope he’s legit with his perception on this.
Most men will always say ” no she’s just my friend, zero feelings, totally platonic etc etc”
But they do think the woman is attractive and will fuck if the opportunity comes up
I always question, why do all of their female friends have to be attractive? I never see men with ugly or fat female friends.
There’s also major hypocrisy with these guys, it’s totally fine for them to have lots of female friends but they don’t like you having male friends and they get jealous easily.
So yh..
No!
Not all men are the same.
He most likely finds them physically attractive. The intent behind the relationship is probably not sex/wanting to date, however, the intent to have sex with someone is an instinctual thing, think of it like hunger.
Yea it may be easy for him to not think of his female friends as sexual companions when he has his own dating life, but if that dating life slows he’ll most likely switch up.
Easily lol , a passing attraction is normal but a crush means you need to do some reflecting.
Sure. No problems whatsoever.
Which of his friends has he slept with?
No. There will always be the idea in the back of your mind where you think about her sexually. Anyone who says otherwise is gay or lying.
Can I be just friends with attractive women? Absolutely. In fact, I like to think I am just friends with some attractive women. I’m still friends with an ex, I’m still friends with someone who got away. And I’m pretty sure my wife understands where I’m coming from because she used to be friends with her ex (until he passed away unexpectedly a couple years ago, the poor guy).
The important question you should be asking yourself is not, “Does my partner find people who are not me to be attractive?” The answer to that is blindingly obvious: of course they do; of course other attractive human beings exist; of course your partner acknowledges this. The important question, as such, is, “What is my partner going to do about it?” It’s really the same question you ask about yourself: if you’re just walking down the street and you run into someone you find blindingly attractive, what action do you take? Because, at the end of the day, we’re in control of our actions. And, at the end of the day, when I see someone who I think is attractive, I deliberately and consciously don’t act on that attraction. Their attractiveness is a trait which exists, and I wish them great success with it, but it is not relevant to me and my life.
Of course, you can come back with the counter-question: “Okay. How attractive would a person have to be before you acted on it? Like, on a scale of 1 to 10, where would they need to rate?”
Do I think my wife is attractive? Yes. I hope that isn’t weird. Do I think other people are attractive too? Yes. That’s not weird either. But that doesn’t mean that any of those other attractive people can give my wife any competition. Just last night, my wife was putting together a photo collage of the events of the day: she and her mother took our kids to a local park and zoo to celebrate the eldest turning 7. And we got to talking about the circumstances we had been in 7 years ago that day, and I mentioned, “Remember how you were supposed to be induced, but when we called them, they said, ‘Don’t come in, the Labor and Delivery Ward is still full because none of the babies are arriving on schedule, we’ll call you when we have room,’ and when they finally did it was 2 AM? And we went and saw the second Deadpool movie to pass the time.” And my wife said, “Wow, I had forgotten all that.” Which just tells you how much other stuff has happened to us in the 7 years since.
Do I think my wife is attractive? Yes; she’s an 11 out of 10. She also has exactly the personality I was looking for: not only every trait I had ever thought to ask for, but several more besides that I didn’t know I wanted until I met her. She’s an 11 out of 10 on that scale. She loves me and cares for me: she held the household together single-handedly a year ago when I suddenly found myself in the hospital for 12 days, and learned to clean and dress my incisions after I was released: 11 out of 10 there. And then there’s all the history we’ve shared: the time she came home from a Friendsgiving, less than a month after our first date, and I held her hair back when the alcohol got the better of her; the time we were housesitting for my aunt and we tried to get it on but I had problems because the satin sheets offered no traction; me wheeling the IV tree behind her when, shortly after giving birth and in defiance of medical advice, she stood up to go sit on the toilet; our long-awaited honeymoon, taken last year, 8 years late (and only two weeks after I got out of the hospital, meaning that she was cleaning and dressing my incisions in hotel rooms, and we’re just lucky that they shifted me to an oral antibiotic literally hours before we got on the plane, meaning we didn’t have to bring all of those injectable fluids that were going to be put in me using a PICC line stent; and the time we were kissing and getting it on and she put my hand between her legs and, after she climaxed, she just snuggled into my arms and immediately fell asleep, warm and safe and loved. It helps that she’s the only person I’ve been in a relationship with for longer than a year, but the point stands: 11 out of 10.
And that’s why no woman who scores a 10 on looks has any shot at turning my head. My wife scores a 44. It is fairly obvious that no mere 10 has a shot at dethroning her. And, given the things that my wife is rated on, it’s also pretty obvious that no one else even has a chance; the entire scale is rigged in her favor. That’s how love works.
A man of means will always have options.
It doesn’t matter if they’re friends or just a random woman from the laundromat. You need to learn to trust his word that he’s not going to cheat, it’s the only way to ease your insecurity.
Acquaintance sure. People call people friends way to easily. Friends no.
Yes. The people who can’t form healthy platonic relationships with the opposite gender nine times out of 10 are chronically online
I feel so sorry for your partner. Must be such a headache having to put up with your lack of trust in him. Of course heterosexual friendships are real and fine.
“I only like you romantically, and not my friends”
“Okay, but I still don’t believe you”
:/
Yep. My wife was weirded out in the beginning of our relationship, because I had a lot of female friends, several of whom were objectively very attractive. Once she got to know them, everything ended up fine, and she’s even better friends with some of them than I am now.
I think it worked because not only did I have no romantic feelings for my friends, but they also had no romantic feelings for me, which made it easy for my wife to integrate into the group.
You’re dating Dollar General Hugh Hefner!
Have you observed how they interact with your boyfriend? Are you invited to group friend hang outs?
This reminds me of another post a while back where a woman noticed her boyfriend had hella female friends and they oddly all had big boobs. She later learned he met a lot of them off dating sites but decided they were “better as friends.” They were also blatantly flirty with him. It was eventually too much for her so she noped out of the relationship.
You have to decide if he is worth putting up with the way you are feeling. Just because people will attack you for being insecure, doesn’t mean you have to accept being in a relationship where you aren’t comfortable. A relationship should feel like safety and not a source of stress.
I’m married and have an almost equal number of male and female friends. My husband could not care less 🤷🏻♀️ I go out to eat or get drinks with my guy friends {without my husband} fairly regularly. I think something that helps the whole scenario though is that my husband knows all of my male friends – not in the way that he considers them all his friends too, but they all come around and hangout enough for him to know them as people. Have you tried hanging out with your boyfriend’s friends? It could help to dispel some of the anxiety of viewing them just as random women.
Short answer is yes… Unless we both want to fuck each other. And that creates the rabbit hole.
I have more female friends than male friends. Many of my female friends are attractive women. If you’re a mature, well-adjusted adult, it’s no different than any other friendship. Finding a person attractive and being attracted to them are not the same thing. Do I find my friends attractive? Yeah, I said so already. Do I want to date or sleep with with any of them? No, I’m very happy with my current relationship, but I didn’t seek those same friends even when I was single. I wouldn’t leave my fiancee for the world, and she knows it.
If he has given you no tangible reason to doubt him, why do you? Has he broken a boundary? Done anything harmful to the relationship or your trust in him? Has he directly or actively done anything to make you worry? If yes, then that’s fair. If not, the issue isn’t him or the company he keeps.
Sounds to me like you’ve had some bad experiences, or bad picking on your part in the past, and that’s clouding your vision. But that’s not my place to say. But either way, it’s purely anecdotal, subjective, and comes off sounding like either severe jealousy or more than a “bit insecure”, from how this post is worded.
Don’t lump all people of one gender into one pile just because of your experience with a few of them. Sure, your experiences may have been consistent across all of them, and the world may be small, but it’s not *that* small. Just like men shouldn’t judge women because they were treated poorly by a few of them, women shouldn’t judge men because of the same reason. If that were the case, lots of people would have no friends or trust anybody, and marriages would still be by arrangement in most parts of the world.
Girl I think you need to go to therapy to discuss your trust issues and insecurity issues.
My husband has plenty of female friends who are super attractive. Am I worried he finds them attractive or that he will cheat? No. I trust him, and I went to therapy to learn techniques to deal with my insecure thoughts.
I understand your insecurity but it’s not coming from a healthy place. Yes men can be just friends with attractive women. As a woman, I’ve had plenty of male friends who I had entirely platonic relationships with. I’m not hot, but I’ve gotten enough feedback in life to say that I certainly appeal to a reasonable amount of men. Some of my male friends over the years I know were attracted to me, and others I know really liked me as a person but had zero attraction to me and we had zero chemistry in a romantic or sexual way.
You need to think about why you’re having trouble trusting him. My husband gets hit on every time he leaves the house, lol, even if I’m with him. I’ve definitely felt insecure about it at times, but I also know and trust him. I know he can be friends with women that are attractive and not want to sleep with them. I also know he can be friends with women he actually would like to sleep with, and he wouldn’t. Because I know he’s committed to me.
Does he give you any reason to not trust him? Does he not have good boundaries with his friends? Or is it maybe something more on your side that makes you struggle to trust him?
Acknowledging another person has attractive traits is a completely different concept as feeling attraction towards someone.
therapy, learn to trust your bf and see him as a full fledged human being that is capable of having platonic friendships with attractive people.
One word answer: yes
Yes, of course you can just be friends with attractive women. My best friend is apparently attractive enough that before my partner met her and saw our dynamic, she saw her as a threat. To me, that’s basically the younger sister I never had, we are homies and that’s all it will ever be.
Never been an issue.
If they’re his friends, they’ll be your friends too. If either of them have a problem with that, then I’d worry.
I can, and do.
I feel as though men with less social confidence end up seeing those friendships as something more than that, while a social person regardless man or woman does not conflate romance with friendships. Just my opinion
I could be wrong, but given that he has many attractive “girl” friends, do you really think he’s trying that hard to have options and only befriending women to be with them? I mean, if he did then he’d be an a-hole but then again, you wouldn’t want to date an a-hole. So, if you truly believe he’s a good guy and you’ve never seen any behavior that indicates he’s cheating, I’d say this is more an insecurity problem on your end. I obviously don’t know him, but there are plenty of guys who can have female friends and maintain healthy boundaries. You have to trust, OP. I mean, what are the alternatives: a. You accept it because you can’t just tell him to cut out all his friends just because you don’t think men can have “girl” friends or b. You let him go and find a guy that only has guy friends (and that’s also not a guarantee that a man won’t cheat if he only has guy friends). I think that if a guy has healthy friendships with women, that can actually be a green flag and indicate emotional maturity because he doesn’t see women as just sex objects. At the end of the day, a big part of relationships is trusting the person. If you can’t do that, then you shrivel with them.
There’s a lot of ignoring reality in these comments
Women are literally people, why wouldn’t he be friends with them?
I have multiple guy friends of 15-20 years. Nothing remotely romantic or sexual ever even floated through the mind, they have always been like brothers to me. My buddies! They are friends with my husband as well, and I actually served as bridesmaid for my friend’s wife last year. She was very nervous to meet me (they dated secretly for a long time, so she heard about me long before I even knew about her), but after spending time with us together, she gets it and now she’s one of my good friends as well.
I suggest you get to know these women a little better, make friends. If your husband is comfortable hanging out as one big group, I see absolutely no reason to be concerned. I would be freaked out if he wanted to keep those relationships separate from you though.
i’m a lesbian. yes, if you’re attracted to women, you can be just friends with attractive women. it’s very easy. you need to trust your partner or your relationship will never work
Yes.
I don’t need to fuck someone just because they are attractive or good looking. Not only am I capable of having standards that go beyond “are they hot tho”, I can even recognize that being attractive doesn’t make us compatible. It’s almost like I’m a real person, not just stereotype lol
A) yes. Totally possible to have opposite gender friends without attraction. One of the biggest green flags with my current boyfriend is that he has a big diverse group of friends of both men and women. For me if there are women in his life who like him, and trust him, and enjoy his company, that makes me feel safer than if he only can maintain friendships with other men.
B) If someone is the type of person who will cheat not having other gender friends isn’t going to stop them. Either you trust your partner or you don’t.
Two of my best/closest friends are guys. It’s absolutely possible to have platonic opposite sex friendships. We’ve been friends for years. Since college. Both are married now and I’m also good friends with their wives, but closer to the two dudes—like that’s who I’d call first if I had news. But no ‘feelings’ involved, and no messing around. Ever.
I have always had more male friends than female…and I have never hooked up with any of them. Been to their weddings, traveled with them, etc. But, I have also made sure to always respect their relationships… made sure their GF/wives knew that I respected their relationship and that I wasn’t competition and they didn’t have to compete with me for their time.
Most enjoys attention and validation from the opposite sex, especially is they are attractive, even if they have no plans to pursue it further
Hell, it’s why girls nights out are a thing.
In this you can only go by his actions.. making sure they support his words.
It only works if the female is unattractive. Only then does the male actually see this person like one of his male friends….purely platonic with no chance of sex.
If they have a attraction to each other and have enough in common to be friends then absolutely anything is possible and it does everyday on this planet….hell there is probably a couple of “friends” fucking while I type this.
I had an attractive friend that I worked with several years and we settled very early in our relationship, we would always just be friends……….Now if I ever got a chance I would have nailed her.
Sure. See them often enough and they start becoming less attractive uaually
Yes, all my female friends are just friends. I already have a wife, and wouldn’t trade her for anyone.
Ask your chat bot for peer reviewed research.
While women generally are able to maintain a platonic relationship (never think about sex) – it’s the opposite for men.
However, That doesn’t mean men act out.
Depends on the kind of friend. Work acquaintance? Sure. Hometown or childhood friend? Sure. Gamer friend? Sure thing. Close confidante/emotional support? 100% not.
Yes. I am a male who has several female friends I am very close with who I am not the slightest bit romantically interested in. I have had female friends I’ve fallen for in the past but I knew I was attracted to them from the beginning.
Yes. You can truly be friends with someone of the opposite sex who is “attractive.”
Yes.
my first besty at scool was a girl. my second besty at school was a girl. At high school my ‘crew’ were girls. I have tons of purely platonic female friends. I didnt get with any of them and I am still friends.
So I am qualified to say that that I dont buy your bfs view. ny female frind is an option for romance. The ones that are platonic are the ones that turned out platonic. Only timevtells. Certainly the more female friends he has the more competitors you have.
Nope. We will always wanna bang. Any man who says he doesn’t is 100% gay. Every female
Roommate I’ve had I’ve had sex with. 3 close female friends in college, sex many times. Twice with two at the same time. We still Keep in touch and yes they send nudes
Why are you dating him if you don’t trust him??
If he’s making time for them above time for you, being secretive and going out frequently, and growing uncomfortable or unhappy if you ask to tag along, then yeah I’d have an issue with it. For me that’s the biggest collection of signs there is a problem and I think this is above gender – I’m a guy and I’d be just as unhappy with my girlfriend doing this with a female friend as I would of her doing it with a male friend.
If he’s just casually texting or gossiping with them and occasionally goes to social things with them like concerts or movies that he also invites you along to, that’s just pretty much a normal friendship.
The red flag is a guy who CAN’T have platonic relationships with women.
Isolating a romantic partner from friends of the opposite sex is toxic monogamy.
You really can’t see it, can you?
These “really really attractive” women are friends with your BF because he knows how to behave himself.
As a happily married man, my relationships with attractive women as friends are often a little fraught. it’s logical: we want our romantic partner to be a friend as well as as a lover.
A lot of the signifiers of friendship can also be seen as romantic gestures. For example, hugging, casual touching, compliments about appearance etc.
If I don’t find a woman sexually attractive, I can more easily be friends with them.
Growing up around women makes you see them as potential partners less. For me, either I liked them but their personality outgrew me or, more likely, they have traits that fulfills what I need in a friendship but won’t be enough for a relationship. By default, when I meet a woman, it’s to be friends with her.
95% of woman youre friends with, youd sleep with. You cant. That 5% is your mom.
Someone double check my math.
Yeah.
Do you want to get with every guy you meet, even if he’s objectively attractive?
So yes, assuming your boyfriend isn’t being shady and giving you any real reason to doubt him, you’re being insecure for no reason. And if you make him choose, he’s going to pick his friends
I’m married and I have female friends. Some of them are attractive to me. I haven’t ever hit on any of them and none of them have ever hit on me.
All of the weirdos like Mike Pence who say they’ll never be alone in a room with a woman who isn’t their wife are misguided or straight up misogynists. – IMOH…
But, that doesn’t mean that men and women don’t cheat. Or that some men make friends with women without the best of intentions. Whatever the situation, it’s important that you deal with it as a couple. You should be comfortable with what he does and he should want you to be comfortable with what he does. And visa versa. If you are uncomfortable and you bring it up, he should help address those issues.
I think the most common and easiest way to deal with those things is making sure everyone hangs out as a group. While I do have a lot of female friends I don’t have any that don’t know my wife. If it’s “weird” having one of his female friends also hang out with you, then I’d say that’s an issue. You don’t have to be best of friends with everyone he likes, but you should all be able to hang out together without any awkwardness. If he only wants to spend time with other women when you’re not around, that’s a big red flag. However, if he wants to you meet and know his friends of any sex, that’s a good thing. If you care about someone you want them to know the other people in your life you care about.
For a while. Sometimes a long or very long while…… but not forever.
It sounds like you’ve encountered a lot of shitty men in the past.
I’m a man who’s friends with attractive women and I’m completely devoted to my wife.
Not really. I’ve had some friends that are girls but not super attractive. I couldn’t do it and I don’t think most men can. Maybe some I suppose but I wouldn’t say it’s common.
Only if it’s your buddy’s GF
I hope so because 90% of my closest friends are women. It may help that my partner is also friends with most of them.
I have known some dudes who suck and are the basis of your worrying, but basing trust on those kinds of people won’t lead to anything good.
The question is do you feel that your partner has given you signs to worry? They are with you, there are likely reasons above your attractiveness for that.
Have you talked to your partner about how you feel. Making a request for them not to be friends based on your feelings isn’t valid but having those feelings and talking about them is.
Trust can be hard especially if you have been burned before, but a lot can be solved with good communication.
Communication is a skill that takes time to develop too, so don’t stress yourself if you’re both not great at it starting off. It takes time, practice and even mistakes to get better at it.
So with this theory, bisexual people just can’t have friends lol
yeah, it’s not that hard. I love all my friends and I’m not trying to fuck them.
If I’m single absolutely not, if I’m dating or married, absolutely yes.
If I’m single why wouldn’t I want to have a relationship with a woman I find attractive and I really like as friends?
If I’m dating/married I’m with someone I love, no reason to seek anyone else.
Absolutely. I might be attracted to them, but that doesn’t mean I am going to have a problem. I would say no if they were in a relationship, or if I was in a relationship, or if I felt like pursuing a relationship was a bad idea.
Do you have any male friends that you find attractive? Are you able to ignore that because you wouldn’t find it ethical to be interested in them?
My best friend is my wife. All my second best friends are women.
Women are just cooler.
It’s not impossible, but it also is unlikely to end up being just a friendship without one building romantic feelings for the other.
In your case he’s your bf and has made the decision to pick you. Have things happened that make you think he’s hiding anything?
Me and my boyfriend of 6 years dont have friends of the opposite sex. Hell, we hardly hang out with our same sex friends from childhood. We both have personally experienced that friendships of the opposite sex always turns into that person liking him or i. So we steer away from that, and plus, my boyfriend is my best friend ever.
That doesnt mean it isnt possible, but for us it just has never ever worked out. The guy always tries flirting with me for sex or the girl always catches feelings for him. We both have come to the agreement to not do this. Not close friendships with 1 on 1 time.
But for instance, i had a co ed group of friends where we got together to play board games from 7th-12th grade. We havent met as adults but if we did my boyfriend would be going. And i know my boyfriend had a co ed group of people by highschool. He would want me to go. But once again, in the six years we have known eachother we just arent social enough to even desire this lol. Every relationship is different and we keep our lives bare boned a simple. We dont drink which pretty much leaves us out of any function since being sober around drunk people is beyond annoying
Yes.
Advice? Stop being so insecure.
Depends on how close the friendship is and how attracted they are to each other. People are not attracted to ALL attractive people.
My close guy friend of 6 years ended up making a move on me, and now we are in love.
Yes.
To this day I generally get on better with women. Some of my closest friends are women. This was acknowledged by my now partner. I reassured her early on into our relationship that all my female friendships are platonic and never will that translate into a sexual connection or anything that would be deemed inappropriate. I pride myself in my friends feeling safe around me, not in fear for me to suddenly turn around and profess my love or be creepy/make them uncomfortable. If any of them turned around and did that to me, I would close that friendship and give distance. As time has gone on the fact that I have safe, respectful and close friendships with women has become a green flag for my partner. Coz I can guarantee you that most women have had an experience with a “friend” that then went sour because they over stepped a mark. This may have happened to you and explain why you’re feeling the way you are. So all I can say is keep communication open, if he’s is truthful it’ll be clear.
If you can trust him, Let Him or Leave him. They can pursue him, it’s his headache and his responsibility to stay truthful and honor the relationship you both have. I know it sucks to feel insecure even a bit, but as long as he’s being transparent, honest about his interactions with them, you’re good to go. Realistically the more you try to control, the more you’ll push him away. Talk to them, befriend them and then you’ll be the one he stayed with haha. So yeah, don’t take the pressure of the possibility of something which might not even happen. Take his word for what it is and let him show up in his actions!
> they’re attractive to and/or plotting on
IMO these are two very different things. You can find someone attractive and have no “plots” for them. Frankly if I’m in a relationship that is good then there would be no thoughts about anyone else no matter how attractive they are.
I agree with you. I used to be really pretty and every guy who befriended me, only did it cause they expected to date me.
And it was the same for my other pretty friends.
So i unfortunately agree with you that men and women aren’t friends.
Unless one of them is ugly.
But i doubt they’d care to befriend an ugly person of the opposite gender.
Usually they stay between their own gender i think.
You’re only safe if you’re more beautiful than all these girls…
It’s hard to tell cause usually beautiful girls have low self esteem from all the hate they get.
So perhaps you are more beautiful than them since he chose you.
How many of his female friends are not attractive at all?
Sounds like you’ve had very unfortunate experiences, and I’m really sorry to hear that.
Yes. Men are capable of seeing women as people and not fuckable objects. Men can befriend women without wanting to fuck them. This is a normal thing that happens often.
Yes.
Weirdly I used to get along more easy with guys then girls (uni times); but I believe that was because I did not party and was a lot into nerdy stuff. Never a guy hit on me at that time, but also I cannot say those were very close friendships.
But I am not sure you can have deep soul talks, be vulnerable with opposite sex, without develop some feelings.
But also I do not have male relatives of my age (like brothers/cousins); so I might be biased
Sure, once I reconciled that what I felt for them was genuine friendship and not romantic feelings it was a breeze.
Plus all of them have something that’s not attractive or that wouldn’t work between us.
no, in general.
In most cases, if the girl said to go to bed, the guy would go. it is sad, but I really believe it is the truth.
Yeah I (30M) really value my friendships with women, some of them are pretty but I haven’t asked any of them out of anything. I think it’s normal for men and women to be friends.
Pursuing a woman is always a decision. So: Yes, men can easily be friends with women without romantic interests. If they don’t then it is a decision they make.