I (28 male) never got to enjoy my teenage or young adult years due to people-pleasing my very strict, controlling, overprotective and sheltering parents plus being too afraid to rebel and being too scared to do anything that my parents might not approve of or anything that will make them feel disappointed in me. For all these years I was very quiet, shy/timid, and basically kept nearly all of my own thoughts and opinions to myself while playing the role of my parent’s “good, responsible and well-behaved son”.
With that said, I have always felt that there was something missing in my life. Like I had been in the passenger seat of my life for all these years while watching my parents be the driver of my own life. However, last year after a serious life-changing event regarding my health and a lot of soul searching as well as self-reflection (well you can call this an early midlife crisis if you wish to), I have come to realise that I only have one life and that I should live a life true to myself instead of living life for my parents.
As a result, I am planning to embark on a journey of reclaiming the teenage years and youth that I had missed out of, such as dressing up in alt fashion, partying, making and hanging out with friends, dating around, doing raunchy bed stuff with different girls (if you catch my drift), making memories, having formative experiences, creating my own identity and having wild, reckless fun etc.
So here is the question: Men in your thirties who are living a “prolonged youth” instead of settling into the “adult life” – enjoying life, your hobbies and dating around without kids or other extra responsibilities – what are the drawbacks to your lifestyle choice?
Comments
It gets lonely. And anyone you meet who’s still single at that age is likely single for a reason.
If you’re going to pursue this style of life, you really need to have hobbies that are both solitary and able to sustain your interests for 50+ years.
being an adult doesn’t mean you stop enjoying life, lets squash that toxic idea right now
What does adult life even mean? Do not ever stop enjoying life for some external pressure to be boring.
I don’t see it as prolonged youth at all. I do enjoy life and my hobbies, my girl and I don’t have kids, but I consider myself very much an adult.
It’s obviously not a perfect life, but the most common struggles I face aren’t because I don’t have “grown-up” responsibilities (I do). It’s just because life ain’t perfect.
You’ll have regrets, sure. You’ll probably find yourself occasionally envying guys your age with the white-picket fence and a bunch of rugrats running underfoot, but that’s often a common “what-if” thought and not something you should linger on.
Do what you want, within reason. You’ll encounter far more drawbacks if you let other people dictate your choices or tell you there are things you can’t do just because you’re no longer a kid.
There’s no guarantees you won’t find someone while pursuing what you want, so dont think there’s any reason youll be doing these things alone forever.
I spent 30-40 playing lots of boardgames and tabletop games wondering why I never got into it in my teens. During that time I still met someone, moved county, then eventually bought a house and moved again
It can be lonely but I see married ppl all the time who are alone or strive to be so I don’t give it much weight. As long as you develop a good core group of friends, that’s the secret. Then you can sort of turn loneliness on and off. When I was in LTR’s it always felt like there was pressure to always be next to someone. I’m an introvert so naturally I need some space.
Drawbacks? Lets see… disposable income, not having to take care of a kid whenever I get free time, being able to sleep, being able to travel and not needing to find child accommodations, not having to spend a small fortune on a single day of my life (wedding, my god what a waste of money), actually having free time for my hobbies that let me grow – muay thai/ weight lifting.
33M here. I don’t really want kids, i don’t “date around” either. You will need REALLY solid hobbies that you can do alone in order to enjoy this lifestyle.
If you’re fine with that and being alone most of the time, like i am – it’s pure bliss. If you’re not, you’ll join the so called loneliness epidemic and moan about it online.
I just turned 40, married and no kids and honestly, I love my life as it is and it is just as you described it in your title. I enjoy my hobbies, I sleep very well, great sex life, money is ok.
Your title is full of passive-aggressiveness…
As a middle M40, married and a parent, I just want to say, if you live your present at its fullness and are happy on what you see in the mirror, you don’t need to overthink stuff.
Living alone is not the eldorado, nor living married. The trick is trying to be happy most of the time. Thats what i do, i have my wife, my guys, she has her friends, we both have mutual friends, each with alot of stuff to share at dinner, have plans to do stuff this week, she has hers, and we have our mutal stuff too, and so life goes.
I would call it prolonged youth but rather a chosen lifestyle, no kids ever was a strong decision I made early on so I need to meet people aligned on that choice.
Drawbacks, basically only feeling like it gets harder to hang out with my friends that have chosen the typical house and kids lifestyle but other than that none I can think of.
I travel a lot (I’m in Europe but still, this year I’ve lost track of how many trips I’ve made, currently in Ukraine and started the year in New Zealand), have plenty of income and a solid career aligned for very early retirement, I’m doing better physically and regularly learning new things…
But I always knew I didn’t want that “picture perfect” life so yeah the other drawback is people constantly criticizing my life choices but I couldn’t care less
I don’t really see any drawbacks. The only negatives are from interactions with people like you who somehow think I’m not an adult/serious person/something is wrong with me. I really don’t care what they think and the folks who get angry I suspect are just jealous and never thought not following society’s expectations was an option.
I have no interest in maintaining a house or kids. I have focused on my career and earn a ton as a result. I enjoy spending my money on travel, which I can do on a whim and don’t have to gain consensus or worry about others.