Men of Reddit, what do you wish women understood more about the way men process thoughts and feelings?
Men of Reddit, what do you wish women understood more about the way men process thoughts and feelings?
r/AskMen
Men of Reddit, what do you wish women understood more about the way men process thoughts and feelings?
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Respect my time alone
That men suffer from societal pressures and mental health challenges too.
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Personally, I sometimes just need time and space to process things. I appreciate when I’m given a bit of grace.
Our frustrated anger is the male equivalent of crying
Sometimes we don’t have to hash out a zillion details with a friend to deal with something and get some clarity. I can be having a rough time and I can go hang out with a bro, talk some shit, wrench on a car, have some laughs and it’s the perfect therapy. That can clear the fog from my brain and let me process things.
Just because I want some time alone, doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you.
Yes, sometimes we are literally thinking about nothing.
Having nothing to do is not “boring” for us, it’s peaceful. Please don’t conjure up a bunch of annoying activities / tasks for us to fulfill some empty spot you have that doesn’t exist for us.
Sometimes, we keep how we’re feeling to ourselves because we know in a couple of hours we’ll be over it and it won’t matter anymore.
Going off a 45min call this sunday
If you’re going to ring me literally crying about a problem, where there is a clear and simple solution, I’m not just going to blindly validate you, so the issues keeps coming up and up again
It was work issues where not a single issue raised was her job or problem, it was all “this is your company’s problem not your’s, you’re pretty much punching yourself in the face by getting upset about things outside of your control”
Although empathy is not my strong point when it comes to resolvable issues. Wanting nothing but validation solves nothing and just comes across as orchestrating a problem, so someone has to give you sympathy (aka attention seeking)
Yes.
Women can experience, process, and talk about difficult situations all at once. Men CANNOT.
If forced to, we end up saying all kinds of crazy things, because we ourselves don’t understand what we’re thinking or feeling as it’s happening. Men can be perceived as jerks when we’re really just confused and need time to think.
Then, when we’re silent for a couple days so we CAN process things, we’re perceived as being rude or trying “punishing” you, when we’re really just trying to understand our own feelings.
Please give us time to process things.
Watching my team get blown out in any final WILL actively tank my mood for a while.
I thinks its not really about understanding anymore. Its about accepting that there are differences, that maybe not every difference between us can be explained.
I can’t generalize “women”. I met women who were very understanding and very good at listening and being supportive.
But I think a trend is that us men are often expected to just deal with our own issues, and rather put our SO’s issues in priority – and then men get frustrated in general, and they are labeled assholes and aggressive.
ANYBODY who can’t live their feelings and talk about them to someone who truly cares will be frustrated on the long run. If we are expected to just “be safe” and not show our weaknesses – well, there’s a large chance you’ll end up with a men always frustrated with you and life, a shadow of himself on the long run.
We just need a home that’s safe even when we have our own issues, our own weaker times.
Different is ok. It’s not better, it’s not worse. It’s just ok.
I wish women would just ask more if they felt like there was a problem. Many times, men aren’t trying to hurt you or even know you are hurt (or why). Rather than suffering in silence, speak up. It still may not make sense to us but if you have a good one, he will try and address it with you. Men’s emotional intelligence, whether socialized or natural, is generally lower. Help us out navigating. We’re trying.
that men aren’t a monolith who process thoughts and feelings the same ways.
We connect through sex. Sorry but that’s how it is.
We don’t look at you as objects. Yes you are beautiful. Yes boobs and booty look amazing. However love is more important to us than the size of your tits and sexual intercourse is how we connect and show love.
It just so happens it feels good and we can cum from PIV.
You are not obligated to have sex with us. You are allowed to say no and also withdraw consent at anytime. However the more a guy gets rejected the less love he has to give. His self worth takes a dive.
I am sorry if we ain’t meeting your emotional needs. I can promise you that when our physical needs are met it’s a lot easier to meet your emotional needs because we feel more connected.
I’ll do it in reverse:
Emotions aren’t facts, ma’am. So, if you tell me your emotions, I understand they are fleeting, will change momentarily, and while I will humbly validate your feelings, I will never treat them as facts. I know you want me to, but I just have too much respect for you to pander to you like that.
Also, your emotions belong to you. I cannot anticipate them, control them or change them. I am not the manager of your emotions. I have my own just like you do and don’t feel that I need to share them with you 24/7/365. Do not overload my male brain with all your moment-to-moment anxieties, please.
It’s ok not to resolve everything. Let’s just let all these emotions sit and have a peaceful day. That’s what I crave, a soothing voice, feminine touch and calm. I get stronger in the relative quiet. The world is a heavy place, and I am with you dear, to escape the stresses of digging ditches and getting yelled at by my boss and bringing home the bacon so junior can have new shoes. Let’s just chill since it’s Saturday.
I like good feminine energy. It strengthens me. But do not constantly challenge me continuously with criticism and complaints as it overwhelms me and makes me want to get away from you.
My emotional life is every bit as rich as yours. So please let me enjoy mine while you enjoy yours. If yours is not enjoyable, treat it like a problem and address it.
We’re more romantic than you might ever know. Just in a different way. Be cool if you found it but we will find a way without it
Men want solutions, not something new to talk about. We are problem solvers.
us shutting down generally isn’t about shutting you out, it’s about us understanding n processing our feelings
Once you’ve gone past the bullshit threshhold even once, there’s no coming back. If a girl fucks around too much, the finding out will be severe and final.
Sometimes, we’re not thinking about anything.
Contrary to the popular belief, we can get emotional and irrational. Just because it might not happen as often as for an average woman (and even that’s a big “might”), it doesn’t mean that it never happens.
If I walk away from an argument is not cause I don’t want to communicate. It’s because I need a minute to process things and I don’t want to say something I don’t mean
Not only are we not mind readers, but if we try to interpret your hints and signals, we will get it wrong more often than not. If you want us to do something, tell us directly. Especially if it’s the type of thing you wouldn’t want us interpreting wrong, like consent.
We get hurt and offended just as much as you do, we just don’t always prioritize our feelings as highly.
Conversations with you are often exhausting because it feels like you are going out of your way to to interpret what we say the worst way possible. Surely you must know that’s not what we mean, why do you do this? We do the exact opposite with you. We try to justify and downplay the hurtful things you say. It just makes both of us miserable when it goes the other way.
Having to make the decisions all the time is exhausting, but even moreso when you act like we do it because we are selfish. No we try to be considerate, we just can’t when you give us literally nothing to go off of. It really sucks that you call us controlling for this when we are trying out best to get your opinions, and you simply don’t give them to us. We make a decision because one needs to be made and that’s the best decision we can make with the information we have. If you give us nothing, yeah that information is going to be all coming from us.
We don’t actually want to be the ones who approach you. I’m sorry it feels inconvenient to be hit on in public, we don’t like doing it either. But online dating is a hellscape for us, and this is literally how our species survives. We would love it if you did it instead actually. It makes more sense if anything, we aren’t going to feal as physically threatened by you, so that would immediately be removed from the whole equation. Yes it’s scary. You also have no idea how demoralizing the constant rejection is. Why do you girls have to act like we are the bad guys once again for doing the things one of us has to, and you don’t want to?
Why is it that when a girl gets insecure it’s society’s fault and everyone else’s job to help reassure her, but when we are insecure it’s our own fault, and everyone just piles on for us being insecure in the first place? You get to do these constant annoying relationship tests for no reason just to feel secure. If we want to do a paternity test with our own child, you act like it’s some profound insult on you. 32-68% of paternity tests come back not the father. It doesn’t matter how much we love or trust you, those odds are insanely bad. We probably won’t even assume you cheated first if it did come back negative precisely because we trust you and want to give you the benefit of the doubt. The idea the hospital had a mix up, or you were sexually assaulted would probably come first.