Men of reddit. When you talk about your emotions, Do you feel heard? If not, what do people get wrong?
Men of reddit. When you talk about your emotions, Do you feel heard? If not, what do people get wrong?
r/AskMen
Men of reddit. When you talk about your emotions, Do you feel heard? If not, what do people get wrong?
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They don’t get how unbelievably horny I actually am.
Talking about my emotions where? Over the internet?
We don’t think like women, we don’t want to be “heard” that accomplishes nothing. We want our problems solved.
Why would you want to talk about your emotions.
>what do people get wrong?
For starters some bricks think I want to share my emotions at all.
Oh I’m definitely heard, because they’re it’s against me at a later date.
I’ve learned to keep shit to myself over the years unfortunately.
I wouldn’t know because I don’t talk about my emotions/feelings.
No, normally when I express concerns or issues I have, I typically end up apologizing for how my concerns made her feel
No. I’m specifically forbidden from talking about emotions with my family.
I don’t speak of my emotions.
Why would I?
There’s a little feeling that says, “eh, they probably aren’t actually listening. Besides, not like it’s a big deal. I’ll sort it out later.” So, I end up trailing off and diverting the conversation.
I’m heard…. But society has pretty much established that I don’t have to be cared about. Whoever I am talking to always has the option to successfully frame everything as my fault with the full support of whoever they speak in front of.
When it comes to men not opening up…. You’ll find that it’s not a problem with what an individual will do….. It’s a problem with what every individual CAN do without social consequences.
It’s harder to trust someone that appears honest in a world where stealing is legal…. Than it is to trust a dishonest person in a world where stealing is punished. They are just one losing argument away from telling you they are taking your stuff just because they can and it is acceptable.
hahaha……. hmm…..
Unless something big happened I do not feel the need to be heard.
But I know I have my guy friends and brothers if I do need to vent or be heard or whatever.
With my significant other I am usually not too emotional unless its positive stuff.
>Do you feel heard?
Only person i knew who had ears is no longer my friend, got nobody now, but when i had her, she would take a huge ass share of my load.
>what do people get wrong?
They just don’t listen and try to give solutions when none was requested.
Last Friday i asked my mom to look after my pets because i’m not doing good and want to get lost for a few weeks, mom asked what was the issue, i said there is no issue, mom asked if i was going to therapy, i said i need no therapy, mom told me to visit a friend of hers, i said i just need her to look after my pets for two to three weeks, mom told me to go and see a friend of hers, i asked again if she could watch over my pets, mom told me to go and see a friend of hers, i walked out.
My friend would have asked when she could pick my pets, no question regarding how i was (She would know why as soon as i said i want to get lost), when would i be back or anything else.
Contrary to what most of these comments say, I genuinely feel extremely heard. I have a really supportive friend group and we do group therapy a lot, whether intentional or a conversation just happens to spiral into that. I’ve been able to be really vulnerable with them and it’s never judgemental or used against me later, and I get to do the same for them. I genuinely feel so lucky to have that ❤️
No, because when I talk about my emotions it’s either seen as weakness, or an attack on someone, or it’s trivialized in comparison to someone else’s feelings.
Men aren’t given the space to express their emotions in modern society. You can claim my experience is anecdotal but I see it coming from men everywhere.
Depends who I am talking to and what their opinions are on emotions or more importantly emotions relating to men. People who don’t think men have feelings, or that having emotions make you weak or whiny don’t make me feel heard.
Nearly every time I have talked about my emotions it was a negative experience. So they almost always stay inside, where they fucking belong.
No.
Two relationships i opened up and shared my feelings with. One weaponized them and dismissed them. The second one also dismissed me but later apologized years later.
I don’t feel heard because everyone makes assumption about the cause of how I feel rather than listening to what I am saying.
I do talk about my emotions, often, to friends, family, acquaintances and colleagues, and I do feel heard. Very much so.
Sure, yeah. With my therapist or partner for the deeper stuff.
Being able to talk about my emotions is a requirement to be my therapist or partner.
That said, I am better talking about how I am thinking about my negative feelings than in actually expressing them raw. I am working on it.
Usually not. Whenever I’ve shared I’ve regretted it.
Yeah, of course-I just make sure I tell them to the appropriate people.
Im not sure i even rememberwhen the last time i cared to talk about my emotions in anything more than just a casual conversation.
I definitely don’t emotionally vent or break into deep emotional moods where I just need to be heard. I feel like this stopped being necessary for me once I was older than 20.
I do talk about my son, how great it is to be a dad.. how proud I am of him and all those great things. Also, how it makes me feel when he is upset or happy and so on.. sane goes with other great things or perhaps frustrating things, but it’s not a big emotional production of a conversation. It’s more of an informative and self thought exercise than it is an overwhelming need to express my feelings to someone.
It might be a flaw.. or a weird trait of mine, but I’m good with it.
I have lots of patience and can easily accept that things are not within my control. I try to focus on my own actions and judgments and not let irrational and unproductive emotions or reactions of those emotions drive me to be destructive.
With other men, more often than not, I do feel heard. With women, never. They always find a way to turn it back on you and make you feel bad for voicing your emotions, at least in my personal experience anyway
When I do, which is rare, not really do i feel heard or even more understood. If something is bothering me or upsets me, I don’t feel heard at all. Though if I’m happy, then apparently that’s the oh I hear it emotion. I think one of the best examples was when my grandfather passed away it was tough on me as death in the family would be for anyone and I was still grieving over my grandmother who passed away less than a year prior so it really was a double shock. Now even though I was still emotionally not doing well I still kept everything under control and just wanted some space which is good to want time for yourself. The woman I was living with the week of all of that well that’s unacceptable apparently as she had her friends over five days out of that entire week from middle of the day to early morning. Now I was never a party kind of guy I didn’t ever feel like I needed that to begin with, but when I’m the one paying 90% of all expensive and just ask for things to be a bit quieter for a little while I didn’t expect her to not only double down or disrespect me so thoroughly but I was the one to help her when her father passed, and I was the one to take on that extra step and be kind and understanding to a degree where yes she had a home and I delayed my education for her so she wouldn’t be homeless. Then to rub salt on the wound apparently I was the oppressive monster because I just wanted some peace of mind for once and pointed out the obvious fact that hey I don’t care if you smoke pot, but not in the apartment the neighbors already have issues with us and that’ll break the lease. Just don’t do it in the apartment. The way I was treated was like if Hitler walked into a synagogue by himself and I know she’s an extreme example yet really no I never really felt understood to begin with and yeah could be from my obsessive compulsive disorder which unlike popular stereotypes isn’t just oh they like to clean as that’s not my obsession and never has been. It’s not like you pick and choose out of a basket what obsession or compulsion you have. It’s not like I’m not self aware that yes I worry and blame myself for a lot of things that are completely illogical yet still root heavy anxiety into me hence therapy and medications for what I logically know is the norm for the rest of my life as really it’s all just coping skills. I don’t need to be degraded by a leech for liking a clean home since I grew up poor and the house was often not in the best shape so as an adult I didn’t want to be like that if I could help it so doing the floors and bathroom twice a week that takes only 30 minutes was no trouble and to be insulted with that stereotype bothers me extremely. If I have learned anything in life people will use your emotions against you if it fits their agenda unless if they are truly honest with you. Now I don’t think everyone lies intentionally as sometimes it sounds like they sure as hell believe what they say, but I’m more comfortable talking to my best friend Joey about any issues I have as I know for a fact he’d never use that like a bag of ammo for a war on power dynamics. Which considering my past relationships I always thought equal. Don’t put others on an impossible pedestal and don’t be a prick. It’s simple just two people talking shouldn’t be like a political campaign. I get arguments happen, people disagree, and I don’t fight every battle as there is no point. My last one was the roughest by far and I wasn’t cheated on like the one prior, but just the constant mental torture easily took ten years off my life from stress alone. Hey it was great for weight lost at least as even though I was dieting and exercising regularly I’m pretty sure most people can’t say hey I dropped 130lbs in a span of two years and am now lighter in my late 20s then I was at 15. Ozempuc or a nutritionist still would’ve been cheaper but can’t argue with the results there.
Aside from my therapist and basically one close friend? No. I’ve tried having deep and personal conversations about my emotions with my sisters, with my parents, with some of the people I’ve dated, and with two of my best friends and at best it’s been heard and moved on, at worst it’s been weaponized against me.