I’ve started seeing a man who works a rotating shift – a week of long days, a week off, a week of long nights. We are both late 40’s. (I’m 48F) On his weeks off he’s devoted dad of teenagers. School pick up, drop off, sports etc.
I would say this is the slowest slow burn of my life. We’ve had a 6 week talking stage. And that’s okay, but I just want to make sure I’m not missing opportunities to give it my best shot.
I guess I’m wondering two things.
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How successfully would a man in shift work get a relationship off the ground – I’d love to hear some positive stories about what made it easier. Were you initially catching the moments like we are?
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What sorts of gestures would you appreciate as a way of connecting or making life easier as someone with this lifestyle?
I’m conscious that he goes without as much sleep to try to fit me in as he’s on 12 hour shifts. When I brought him a big serve of homemade dinner to last a few days, that seemed to be a hit. When he’s on nights I’m more likely to drive up to see him to reduce his travel. What else would help?
As time goes on and it feels certain I will request more time together but I’m aware he can’t fit much more in.
Thanks for your advice.
Comments
Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/decodoll’s post (if available):
I’ve started seeing a man who works a rotating shift – a week of long days, a week off, a week of long nights. We are both late 40’s. (I’m 47F) On his weeks off he’s devoted dad of teenagers. School pick up, drop off, sports etc.
I would say this is the slowest slow burn of my life. We’ve had a 6 week talking stage. And that’s okay, but I just want to make sure I’m not missing opportunities to give it my best shot.
I do think there is equal effort and balance in our shared efforts. We message each other daily, occasionally he calls and we catch up when we can – usually twice a week for coffee or a low key dinner at home. He’s thoughtful and caring – he brought me takeaway when I was sick this week, for example.
I appreciate that he makes time for me in his busy life. I miss normal dating experiences like nights out, full weekend days together, doing activities or seeing music. I’ve had a life of being alone and I fear in time it will hurt or be hard to live this way, it’s not that different to being on my own. These are some things I’m making sense of. But it’s calm and easy in his company and I’m curious to see where it may lead.
I guess I’m wondering two things.
How successfully would a man in shift work get a relationship off the ground – I’d love to hear some positive stories about what made it easier. Were you initially catching the moments like we are?
What sorts of gestures would you appreciate as a way of connecting of making life easier as someone with this lifestyle?
I’m conscious that he goes without as much sleep to try to fit me in as he’s on 12 hour shifts. When I brought him a big serve of homemade curry & rice to last a few days, that seemed to be a hit. When he’s on nights I’m more likely to drive up to see him to reduce his travel. What else would help?
As time goes on and it feels certain I will request more time together but I’m aware he can’t fit much more in.
Thanks for your advice.
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It’s really hard. I currently work a shift that involves working every weekend and that’s bad enough, but back when I was working for an ISP I never really knew when my shift would change or how much overtime I’d be working. I think I worked like 13 or 14 days in a row (minimum 10 hour shifts) once. I basically didn’t have relationships or a life when I was doing that. Ended up taking a much lower paying job just to have some sort of life.
I guess I don’t have any real sort of advice other than it really sucks having a job like that.