An older mentor of mine once told me, “the secret to a good marriage is you, the husband, washing a lot of dishes.” This was just as much literal as figurative…….a euphamism for the division of labor being a gray line. And I have washed A LOT of dishes.
42m here, I am currently in the strongest, healthiest, most exciting relationship I’ve ever had. I put in a lot of work on myself before this one came along. The things I think I do right are….I make certain she knows exactly how I feel about her, but also anything else. If something is wrong she knows it. I support her fully when she is having a hard day or whatever, I’m just there. I buy her flowers when I know she’s had a long week. I give her space when she needs it. I pay attention to the small details, sometimes even taking notes (later, not in the moment) if something is important to her it is important to me, I am present when were together(phone is silent and don’t take it out) I ask how her day is or was, I plan things I know she’ll enjoy, I help with things when I know she could use it even though she’s stubborn and won’t ask, I invite people I know she’s close with if were doing any type of event, I make sure she knows what im doing and ask her feelings on it, I think the most important thing I do though is to simply pay attention because it allows me to really know her which makes all the rest of what I try to do very natural
People make a mistake of not discussing important things before starting the relationship, and not communicating problems they’re facing within the relationship.
But many of the people who avoid that mistake, don’t actually clarify what is meant by the words they use.
The stereotypical example would be
“Help out more around the house”
That’s so ambiguous that if I asked 10 people what that entails, I would probably get 10 different answers.
So we have the rule that we try to avoid any ambiguity or assumptions that the other person will just know what we mean etc
And instead use examples and make it very clear what we’d like in an ideal world.
Then give each other the ability to talk about it and find a compromise etc
And give each other space to not live up to that ideal, because neither of us are perfect, and so long as we’re trying and moving in the right direction, that’s what matters.
Comments
I flirt with my partner like we’re dating.
I had to learn to listen without being a logical problem solver. With no distractions. That was the biggest gamechanger for both of us.
That and just a lot more empathy.
Being supportive without getting involved. Keeping our friendship going along with the romantic stuff. Keeping myself strong and healthy first.
If any guy is having trouble with their lady – rule #1 is SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN. You’ll avoid so many arguments.
We listen to each other.
An older mentor of mine once told me, “the secret to a good marriage is you, the husband, washing a lot of dishes.” This was just as much literal as figurative…….a euphamism for the division of labor being a gray line. And I have washed A LOT of dishes.
Own my feelings instead of acting like they are something someone else is doing to me.
Offer as much generosity as I would like for myself.
Presume good will.
Remember we are a team that wins or loses together.
Listening, doing your fair share, (not taking for granted). Just be kind and it’s happy days 😃
Woman here but yes the correct answer is listening xxx
Ask questions and actively listen. Women want to vent, they don’t want the problem solved.
Got lucky to find an awesome woman. Now I just do anything I can to make her smile.
Empathy.
I don’t wanna be her therapist, that’s not my job, but I still listen, and share right about the same amount.
We laugh a lot
42m here, I am currently in the strongest, healthiest, most exciting relationship I’ve ever had. I put in a lot of work on myself before this one came along. The things I think I do right are….I make certain she knows exactly how I feel about her, but also anything else. If something is wrong she knows it. I support her fully when she is having a hard day or whatever, I’m just there. I buy her flowers when I know she’s had a long week. I give her space when she needs it. I pay attention to the small details, sometimes even taking notes (later, not in the moment) if something is important to her it is important to me, I am present when were together(phone is silent and don’t take it out) I ask how her day is or was, I plan things I know she’ll enjoy, I help with things when I know she could use it even though she’s stubborn and won’t ask, I invite people I know she’s close with if were doing any type of event, I make sure she knows what im doing and ask her feelings on it, I think the most important thing I do though is to simply pay attention because it allows me to really know her which makes all the rest of what I try to do very natural
I pay attention
I show up.
Clarified terms.
People make a mistake of not discussing important things before starting the relationship, and not communicating problems they’re facing within the relationship.
But many of the people who avoid that mistake, don’t actually clarify what is meant by the words they use.
The stereotypical example would be
“Help out more around the house”
That’s so ambiguous that if I asked 10 people what that entails, I would probably get 10 different answers.
So we have the rule that we try to avoid any ambiguity or assumptions that the other person will just know what we mean etc
And instead use examples and make it very clear what we’d like in an ideal world.
Then give each other the ability to talk about it and find a compromise etc
And give each other space to not live up to that ideal, because neither of us are perfect, and so long as we’re trying and moving in the right direction, that’s what matters.
Being myself, and slowly getting it through my stubborn brain that patience is required when dating someone from a culture quite different to my own.
I am making her laugh because it is the greatest sound in the world.
I don’t fucking know. I feel like I’m constantly messing up, but after 14 years she’s still in love with me.
I make her laugh? I cook her food food? I take care of our kids while she goes to work?
I don’t fucking know.