I (M28) was thinking if there is a real inbalance between approaching someone on your own and being approached.
I dont feel too attractive so for dating I have been using Tinder. It’s not bad for hookups but screening out all the toxic people takes some time.
The truth is I dont have enough courage to hit on women irl. On the other hand they rarely approach me and even if they do I usually assume they arent interested.
Are there any men who try that cold approach and have pretty good success rate but women usually dont try hitting on them first?
I guess you can see where I’m going: just thinking if its worth trying this cold approach instead of relying on dating apps and situations where women take the first step.
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/Various_Taste2791’s post (if available):
I was thinking if there is a real inbalance between approaching someone on your own and being approached.
I dont feel too attractive so for dating I have been using Tinder. It’s not bad for hookups but screening out all the toxic people takes some time.
The truth is I dont have enough courage to hit on women irl. On the other hand they rarely approach me and even if they do I usually assume they arent interested.
Are there any men who try that cold approach and have pretty good success rate but women usually dont try hitting on them first?
I guess you can see where I’m going: just thinking if its worth trying this cold approach instead of relying on dating apps and situations where women take the first step.
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Zero.
When I was single, I definitely cold approached women. It is an effective way to meet women and show them that you are interested and confident. As you said, you’re too scared to approach them.
… usually it’s their choice. I don’t really intentionally ‘approach’ them.
….but in this case I guess the question is not addressed to me
A vast majority of the relationships I’ve been in happened because the woman approached me first.
I very briefly used a few dating apps in my late 20s. I had a good number of matches. But they seemed worthless for actually finding the type of partner I actually wanted to have.
Fairly often. I recently learned why though. A female friend told me “you just have a face that’s easy to talk to” and a voice that “I can listen to until it puts me to sleep” So I guess being monotone and willing to talk to anyone is the key there. Not that i’m super attractive or anything I just make people comfortable and adapt to their personality.
It happens a lot when I’m out shopping, especially at markets, and occasionally when I’m at our local country club or one of the nearby David Lloyds spas.
Go pick up pickleball or some group activity with regular meetups. It will be easier and more mutual to strike up conversations/friendships which you can turn into dating. Waiting for girls to hit on you at the grocery store is not going to work out well.
Be genuine. If you’re genuinely a good guy, not just someone that says their good. You make friends with really anybody, once you’re safe to one woman, you got the attention of others.
I am approached fairly often, and when I was single and out and about it was fun.
But a lot of them are not my type.
Most of my relationships, one night stands and fwbs situations were initiated by them.
Funny enough my fiancee rejected me when I hit on her.
I’ve mostly been approached by girls when I was already in a relationship. Make of that what you will. But mostly it’s about practise tbh. Have as many “normal” conversations with women as you can, so you get used to the feeling. Romantically you don’t need to be James Bond. Just show a genuine interest in them and their hobbies etc. Throw in a joke or two. Compliment something specific rather than generic, like “you have incredible eyes”.
The only thing i noticed is
Girls like funny guys
They love who knows how to talk.. we call it art of wooing someone with your words…
I am going to walk my dog and trying to get in touch with selling dog food. Is it really for the purpose of selling dog food, but is it inevitable
It’s like a 80/20 approach vs being approached for me. It doesn’t need to be that serious. Keep it playful and lighthearted and people reciprocate that energy
I wish i was approached.
A fair bit. Only because I make an extreme effort to be approachable. What’s that mean? I talk and am friendly to EVERYONE. Almost annoyingly so. I’ve literally strangled the introversion out of myself.
I think less than 1% of men ever get approached. Most of men are invisible. To be approached one has to be ungodly attractive or a known in media person or both.