Men who didn’t start dating and having relationships later in life, how did it work out? “Later” as in post 25 not first date at sixteen. How did it go? Has your lack of experience made things hard? Were you able to adjust to having someone in your life easily? Did she think you were a potential axe murderer when she found out?
I ask as a man who is over 40 and only had one brief relationship, but she was pretty abusive and ended quickly and really never should have began.
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I had no serious relationships until I was 30. I was so tired of being single but I was so debilitatingly shy and felt very unattractive. I poured my heart out to God and begged him to help me find my wife. I downloaded a dating app, gave out my maximum number of “likes” every day and forced myself to put myself out there. It was super hard and out of my comfort zone. But 3 months after that prayer I met my wife. We were engaged 4 months after that. It all happened fast, but I have never been so happy and fulfilled in my life. It is not too late.
Late starts don’t mean failed starts. Emotional maturity often hits differently after 25.
The hardest part was not the relationship, it was unlearning the shame of starting late.
My first was at 32. It was not perfect, but I showed up with less ego and more clarity.
It’s not a race. It’s about connection and late bloomers can love just as deeply, if not deeper.
Another thing you have to consider is most men are lying about how many partners they had and what age it occured at. There is a huge amount of social pressure to hook up. Or at least there used to be.
I was pretty old, 15 when things happened. I was a late bloomer.
As someone in his mid-30s who has not been in a relationship, I definitely feel like there’s essential knowledge – stuff that most people figure out in their teens and twenties – that I’m missing.
I’m almost 27 and i got into my first relationship a few weeks after i turned 24. I basically was quite sad and just asked a good female friend to find someone suitable lol and she set me up on a date with a coworker and things turned out into a relationship ( she was my first everything).
The girl thought i was quite experienced for some reason and was really surprised when i admitted to her she is my first everything. I think learning to have good sex is quite easy honestly, there are some good books on the topic and communication is also a key. You can get the hang of it after few times. You would be shocked how badly educated about sex is the average person.
Learning to live with someone else and adjust to them is however something much harder and probably a lifelong pursuit and something that you have to work on for life. We were quite different and honestly i hate to admit it, but i tolerated her after a certain point of the relationship just because she was really hot and the sex was great and i thought i wouldn’t be able to find another partner. Which honestly could be the case, who knows.
She broke up with me 6 months ago in kinda nasty way, i’m over it, but honestly i think after 6 months or so the vast majority of relationship go south and the last months of the relationship caused me a really bad distress .
I didn’t have mine until I was 34. I had trouble standing up for myself. There were ups and downs for sure. Sometimes I miss her.
I went on ny first date at 27, had my first kiss a couple hours in, and then lost my virginity when we finished the movie we were watching (it was American Pie, and I didn’t get the hint until she kissed me).
We met on OkCupid, and I put on my profile that I was a virgin, so there were no surprises about that. She was perfectly chill about it. That relationship only ended because she wanted kids and I didn’t, and she moved away for medical school after she finished her undergrad.
After that, things were okay for a couple years, but during and after Covid it got a lot worse. And now I’m in a 3.5-year dry spell, and things aren’t going well. I really do wish I’d started in high school.
I didn’t have a serious adult relationship until I was mid 20s. I feel like I avoided the drama caused by those who aren’t emotionally ready for a committed relationship….not a problem and happily married for 26 years
Sex was almost 20 (and many years after for the next time). First date was earlier 20’s. First relationship was post 25.
How did the first relationship work out? I’d imagine how many first relationships in your teens work out – enjoyable while it lasted, but lack of experience (and screwing things up by being too clingy) doomed it to be short. Took time for the next one, but experience of first helped somewhat with that one (though lasted about as long and ultimately failed for different reasons).
It is tougher starting later; the potential regular social connections are fewer (high school and post secondary) plus odds are if you are starting later you haven’t developed much in the way of social skills, especially the type needed to engage with women – and very occasionally get positive responses. Woman sure as hell aren’t generally going to be any more forgiving in any way to men with little to no experience; they are much more likely to use preselection. Then you have the “success breeds success” which doesn’t help much if you’ve had little to no success.
People were shocked to learn I had my first sexual encounter at 25 considering I was sociable and well liked with a big network.
The reason was I was on a medication for my whole adolescence that I didn’t realize was absolutely crushing my sex drive. I thought I was asexual until my dose was cut in half at age 25, and suddenly it was like I was a fiend. I couldn’t believe what kids go through during puberty (the obsessive horniness that plagues your mind when you have too much of a sex drive). My friends used to tell me about constantly thinking about sex and I used to think they were fucking with me lol.
Luckily I was 25 with lots of friends, plus lots of instances in the past of women who showed interest but I didnt have the drive (the classic tells of teenages that your too ignorant to recognize at the time haha). Plus I was raised by a single mother with 4 sisters, so I was extremely comfortable around women. Because of these factors I didn’t really have any chip of my shoulder / negative feelings. It was more I knew I could get dates if I wanted, but I never had a desire.
I would say my lack of experience actually helped, but i’ll admit I’m privileged in having a big network of friends, being extroverted, and always being around lots of women so I had a lot of comfort around them. The reason my lack of experience helped is that I spent my whole life not being obsessed with sex, I knew how to just talk to girls and engage them and not creep them out, just for the sake of having a great conversation with no ulterior motive. I knew how to compliment someones choice of nails without being weird. I knew how to be open and honest with no agenda. I knew how to clearly express my interest in someone and not be offended if they reject me (because I had spent my whole life observing so many guys fuck this up). Turns out these are all very valuable skills in romance if you want to seek intimacy.
So at 25 when my dosage was cut I went crazy. Was a bit of a deviant honestly to the point where friends and family told me I needed to chill out a bit. Was just loving the feeling of having flings, experiencing romance and seeking novelty because it was all so new to me. I spent a lot of years doing that and unfortunately unintentionally hurt/misled some great women along the way, which is one of my biggest regrets.
Now at 31 I’m more balanced, I don’t hold my nose up at flings but im not addicted to them. I also have experienced some genuine relationships that were really great. Short term encounters are an easy adjustment, but having girlfriends was a bigger adjustment. I have only recently with my last ex gf gotten used to the idea that my time is fully accountable to someone else (for better and worse!). Its been a ride, but I honestly wouldn’t change it for anything and think I learned a lot from the experience.