Guys who transitioned from casual flings, one-night stands, and hookups to being committed to one woman as a married man—what prompted you to make that commitment to your girlfriend or wife? When you decided to be monogamous, have you ever broken your partners trust behind their back?
Men who have had their share of casual hookups, please entertain this question of mine.?
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I met someone deserving of marriage at a time when I wanted it and was able to make it work.
Just meet the right person I suppose. She can still feel some way about my promiscuous past but I haven’t betrayed her trust and don’t see myself ever doing that.
I feel like I’m way more likely to disappoint in other ways than romantically anyway. She’s got no competition at all romantically or sexually and I have no desire for anyone else.
I did the opposite. Have casual flings with my wife and other couples 🤣.
I’ve always wanted more and most of the time I end up with girls who only want a one night stand, but once in a while one comes along who is willing to be more. Still haven’t found the one though and I’ve only had 2 relationships that lasted more than six months, nothing more than a year. Yes, I’m broken; no I don’t need a woman to fix me.
You’re not going to change him. Move on
My husband (gay) was a one night stand that has lasted 5 years. Neither of us wanted a relationship. We had both gotten out of one recently, met up on a hookup app and that song was sang. It’s been lots of ups and downs, but we persevere. We decided to date because we got it off immediately. It was like hanging out with a best friend you haven’t seen in a long time.
It’s always when you stop looking with your heart and soul, not just your mind, that someone you fall deeply in love with comes along.
Edit: yes I’m a gay man lol
When you meet the right person, you don’t want to be with anyone else.
Why do you want to turn a manwhore into a husband? Why would you want a promiscuous partner? And why take the risk? Just find someone who actually wants something serious from the getgo, don’t waste your time..
When you meet the one – you don’t really want to risk it and suddenly sex seems to be off the table but also – sexual chemistry is off the charts – need not venture elsewhere 🤓
I met someone I wanted to be monogamous with.
I never wanted flings and hookups to be my norm, but I just never met a girl I wanted to commit to until I met my now-wife
I always preferred monogamy but refused to settle down just for the sake of it. When I met someone I felt I needed to know better, I would explore commitment and when I was solely interested in fun, I would be very honest about that but enjoy a night or so with them until someone moved on. The honesty part is everything or you’re just a scumbag.
Met a girl who was attractive, Intelligent, financially responsible and working in a decent job, (where we met), her family wasn’t crazy, kind, and we had similar beliefs, and for some reason she liked me back. How could I not spend the rest of my life with her?
Hell no i haven’t cheated. That’s how her previous husband became the ex.
Just got bored of the casual flings and decided to start looking for something more serious. Once i found it I Never had any issues staying faithful.
If anything it’s easier because i’ve already had my share of flings, so the temptation isn’t really even there.
Had hookups in my 20s. By late 20s i started to want to create something that lasts in my life (investments, house, kids) and a wife goes with that well, so i shifted priorities.
Then met my wife and she’s awesome.
You just know. I wasn’t looking to meet someone. Met my now wife, post/first date I was just ‘wow’ in my head, to the point I just sat for ages thinking about her and decided I was going all in. 13 years together now, 9 of those married and one child later. I adore her.
Not having to worry about STD’s, unintended pregnancies and dealing with different personalities / weirdness / date expenses / emotional stress of new partners all the time. I found myself getting attached to women I shouldn’t have, looking for a deeper connection that did not exist in those shallow hookup situations.
I got lucky when I was pretty young still and found a great, sexy, smart, funny, talented partner and decided to put all my chips on the table early on in the game. It’s paid off in dividends. Married 13 years, together for 18.
I knew she was all I’d ever want and need and was wise enough to make the decision and be faithful. Casual is fun, and at certain stages of your life, it can be an incredible period of learning and meeting people. Now, though, I can’t imagine cheating and don’t crave casual nights. As fun as they were, I was incredibly lonely in hindsight and while sex is great, sex with her is a level above.
Tbh it was instant, like we met, we talked, we knew it was fate.
Our first date was painting her spare room with a strong implication of no sex just sweaty work and talking…
I’ll be damned if I didn’t fall in love with this woman that night, passionate love making and all. From that point on I’ve never left her home and we haven’t been apart(9 months together soon to be married)🤷
(She asked me fyi 💅☺️💍)
When I was a teen until mis 20s, I was an athletic guy with a decent face and long hair that played in a band. I was a fukboy, until one day I fell in love and got REJECTED! I realized then and there that I cant have both. Went completely single and sexless for years after until I met my current wife.
I haven’t transitioned into a monogamous relationship yet but have 100% left my hookup & casual fling days aside. It’s just a very shallow thing to hookup with someone. Idk what it looks like to others and I really don’t care. It’s not for me.
So the past matters even for men. Interesting
My wife sings me a song every time I poop.
Never broke trust, never would break trust. I’m in this.
I was not a prolific womaniser or anything but I purposely avoided commitment thinking I was just this way. Never interested in carrying on a long term relationship and figured that’s just who I am. And then I met my gf and yeah, I was wrong lol.
Flings are perfectly normal when you’re sorting out direction in life, and location, philosophy, lifestyle, etc
And, just getting your ‘game’ dialed in—holds true for both sexes. It’s new & exciting & fun.
After a time, sex for sex sake gets empty & meaningless. You want that intimacy & connection.
Cheating isn’t really a sex thing, per se—it’s an honesty thing.
You do not want a partner you cannot trust.
I don’t know why some people consider cheating perfectly normal, but a lot do. They are untrustworthy in other parts of their lives, and dangerous to have that embedded in your life.
If they’ll betray you over something as shallow as sex, they’ll betray you for anything
I met someone that’s perfect for me so I didn’t care about anyone else. Now (admittedly I’m older, fatter and uglier) I couldn’t entertain the thought of going back to that casual lifestyle. Indeed, the thought of ever having to date again fills me with dread as who I am with is perfect and no one else will ever come close.
For me it was when I started to feel like an adult. I’d always planned to settle down and get married and have kids but I was nowhere near ready in my 20s – I was a college drop out at 19, working odd jobs and playing a lot of basketball with my friends and drinking and basically barely figuring out what I wanted to do. There was no time for saving money or studying, much less maintaining or building a serious romantic relationship. But I obviously still had a sex drive so I looked for less serious relationships – friends with benefits or flings or hook ups or whatever. By 21 I was back in school and very serious about studying – the little bit of extra time I had was dedicated to working out, playing golf, and hanging out with friends – a little less partying but still drinking too much and playing video games going to football games, etc.
After undergrad I went to law school – more of the above. Still partying and playing hoops and going to the gym with what little free time I had.
Then the next few years were 100% career focused. I knew I wanted to get out of the junior associate slog as quickly as possible so I billed and billed and billed and worked crazy hours. The gym and the partying and the hook ups all decreased, too. Haha.
My my early-to-mid 30s is when I figured out my career path. I was still extraordinarily busy but o knew what I wanted to do and I was pursuing it. That’s when I began to focus on seeking serious romantic relationships, ultimately in the pursuit of marriage.
At 41 now I’m married with two beautiful children in 1st grade and pre school. To answer your second question – I’m far from a perfect husband but I’ve never broken my wife’s trust and would not cheat in a million years.
Meeting the right person at the right time is the key.
There was little chemistry it was only physical attraction. With my wife she had me at hello
During my 20 – 27, I had over 100 bodycounts, including all ONS, FwB, Sex workers, and I later stopped for multiple reasons.
Right person at the right time. If it was this person but I wasn’t ready yet I don’t think it would have gone well. Nor would it have gone well if it wasn’t this person.
Always wanted a family. Now been with the wife longer than I was ever dating.
Never cheated on any partner so not an issue.
She just hit different than anyone I’ve ever met
I was in college and when I graduated. Sleeping around got tiring pretty quick. I met someone and stopped
Once you meet the right one you don’t feel like seeing the other ones.
You’ll meet someone you want to spend your free time with; not just sex but everything else.
That girl you had a one stand with turns out to be really cool the next morning and decide to stay in touch. Things like that… and no broken trust.
She was the right one and her daughter started calling me dad. 8 years later we’re married, had another daughter and we’re in the adoption process for my step daughter. They fulfilled a part of my life that I thought would always remain vacant.
I knew going in that I had no desire to marry any of those women beforehand for various reasons and I always made it pretty clear up front I wasn’t looking for anything serious. But that won’t stop many women from ignoring you thinking they can be the one to “fix” you or be the difference maker.
On the flip side, my wife and I were close friends first and she knew of all my flaws and dating behavior and all that mess (and I knew her history also). Ironically while still friends she actually called me out on being a bit of a manwhore because she knew I was better than that.
Ultimately we had shared values, life goals and matched up really well and we ended up dating and we were married not much more than a year later.
13 years and two kids later, it’s been great.
Got too old can’t be 50 year old playboy. Actually got to a point where I was looked at as a sugar daddy in late 40s. Time to stop.
I met someone who made hooking up with strangers/bootycalls seem like a waste of time, especially when I could be playing video games or watching TV with her. And that was just when we were friends.
Nope, never cheated or ever wanted to.
I had lots of hookups and flings because I could never find someone compatible. I don’t regret that phase but it felt very shallow and I yearned for something more. When I met my wife I was ready to put all of that behind me.
I was married for over 20 years, then got divorced and I moved to a foreign country. After a few months I started to date and I received far more interest than I had ever imagined. For months I had a field day with a bounty of women. I felt like I had something to prove to myself. For the first time in ages I felt desirable and worthy. Every male instinct that I thought I lost kicked in. I absolutely loved every single second of it. After months I had zero desire for any type of a relationship. I just wanted to screw around for the rest of my days. Then I met one particular lady that changed the game. When I met her I was dating and regularly chatting with 6 others, I really didn’t need another. Somehow I knew this one was different. After a couple of weeks there was no question. I somehow managed to find someone who changed my whole outlook on life. I dropped everyone else and simply enjoyed the joy and peace I had finally found after decades of feeling unappreciated and unworthy. I found the love of my life. I just knew it throughout my core. I know that part is possibly difficult to explain, but that was just it. I found a woman who put everyone before her to shame, I was madly in love and I’ve never looked back
She checked off every single thing that I look for, didn’t give it up until a month into dating and is a firecracker pitbull of a woman. Had to put a bun in the oven and ring on the finger at my earliest convenience.
As a man who was a habitual cheater and high body count man I seeked therapy and figured out the real reason why I was the way I was and used the tools given to me to stop. Also finding the woman who stimulates you properly in bed while having your full trust as a partner to not step out on you goes a LONG way,
Sex is 1000x better with someone who actually cares about you. After a while one night stands just felt completely empty.
few possibilities:
many guys say it just “i met the right person” but it could be just that with certain age testosterone starts to lower and that natural subconscious urge programmed by evolution “to spread my seed” starts cooling down.
also, chasing pussy is at least part-time job, if not full, and at some point you realize that most of it is just kind of same. novelty disappear and if at the same time you happen to meet/fuck someone who tickles more than one of your fancies then you might think that made it happen.
for many the fucking around is also for ego or proving to the peers their manliness but once career or achievements start to happen and the approval from there is enough to give you sense of purpose and belonging the energy expenditure that goes to pussyhunting becomes just too expensive and tiresome.
Sprinting up and down the field is a lot more exhausting and a lot less fulfilling than being in the end zone all the time.
Got someone pregnant
Fr, it was partially intentional. I had been seeing her for about a month, but something clicked. After years of running around, I came to realize that if I find love and it makes me happy, then I need to commit to it instead of running like a coward. I met her and realized this was my chance.
Aaaand then we kinda got crazy, fast forward a couple years and now we’re expecting our second kid. It’s a crazy story we can’t tell our parents, but I get butterflies thinking about it.
Met as a casual fling, tried to keep seeing other people, wasnt the same.
Decided to get more serious, best desicion ive ever made.
A lifestyle of flings ,one night stands ,casual hookups over the course of a period of time sounds great to some but can leave you very lonely and put you in some really dark places. By the time I was 23 I was done I settled down started raising a family, being single again in my fifties I have no desire to live that lifestyle again though it is fun to reminisce and look back in all the crazy s*** I did.
Of course all men who now have a relationship rather than hookups will tell you that it’s easy, you just need to love a woman truly.
But it’s all bs.
Don’t look for confirmation in this bubble.
I wanted the same commitment in return when I found the right person
I have slept with over 150 woman between 16-36, I was fortunate to be tall handsome and had money to spend. During that time had 3 serious relationships but never wanted to marry them. Always knew that I would never marry if I wasn’t with right woman. One day met my future wife, after 6 months I knew that I could not be happy if she wasn’t in my life. She was everything I could want in a woman.
20 years married, I still feel same way, sex is great, life is great, and she’s my best friend.
The realization that if I let myself be treated casually as a sex partner, I’d end up treating myself casually, too. And one can only treat themselves casually for so long if one wants to hold themselves in high esteem.
That’s the good reason. The real reason is one woman’s more than enough trouble… when it’s the right woman.
I hate to say this, but if you’re asking, it’s not you. Dump him and find the one for you.
I banged anything that move me up until I met my gf now. I went through a bad patch when my mom died, nothing made me feel good apart from sex and drinking, my George best years so to speak. We’re not married but we’ve been together for four and a half years. She’s made my life and me as a person so much better. And made me heal from a few things, we’ve got a perfect 3 year old son together. I just couldn’t cheat on her don’t get me wrong women catch my eye always. But strictly windows shopping.
I’ve always wanted to be married and settle down. When the right one comes around, you know.
Because my wife is awesome, sexy, smart, smells great, is firm and soft in all the right places. No need to go looking elsewhere.
When you meet the love of your life it all changes.
I vividly remember of driving home after our second date, having an open, honest conversation with myself.
Either I had to stop talking to her or be open to settling down because I knew if this continued I would marry her. I told her when we first met I wasn’t looking for anything serious.
I was so nervous i already fucked up. I called her before I even got home and told her I wanted something serious.
Eventually you find one and recognize you can’t do any better 💯
When a ride or die enters the chat it’s ride or die
Than there’s the threat of disease – of mind and body. I found a healthy wonderful partner in all aspects.
One nighters got old and the toxic nature….
You get it.
She has it all. It’s that simple.
Attractive. Intelligent. Never played stupid games. Great sense of humor. Kind hearted. Compassionate. Affectionate. Not a bar hopping girls night out. Good family. Nice friend group. Wonderful conversations. She put as much effort into me and the relationship as I did for her.
Once you find a woman that doesn’t feel the need to control your every move, bitch and nag, listens to you, shares similar interests, and actually acts like she isn’t gods gift to everyone and everything, then you tend to settle down with her. Love plays a factor too because once you find your perfect person, you don’t want to be with anyone else.
For me it was that I had had enough, some only need 1, some need many, and some can never fill that number.
What prompted me was both of use were seeing each other and we were going away for new years, we had a discussion regarding our feelings on monogamy, we both said we wouldn’t be angry if the other slept with someone else since we weren’t officially together, but we wouldn’t want to keep seeing each other.
That turned into a discussion about how we both felt like we wanted something, and monogamy was part of it.
That turned into an agreement, and that turned into a relationship.
We had both explored with other people and had come to a point where we were happy to have a single person in that avenue, along with the companionship of one another, so we agreed to start then.
The prompt was a desire to start building the companionship that required monogamy, since we both would prefer our partner, not sleeping with other people.
Her body count or mine were beside the point, who gives a fck about body count. All that mattered after that was eachother, idk how many people she has slept with and I don’t really care, Idek how many people I have slept with but thats not because of losing count, thats because there are nights neither person remembered, (discussions were had that both would be ok with it but to not try and remember) so nothing that pushes a blurred line.
I’m rambling
TLDR: You find someone you want to be a companion of, and to be yours, and companionship requires monogamy for most people.
When you know, you know.
The first year my wife and I dated, I was treating her like my typical casual fling. She started having feelings for me that I didn’t think I felt towards her.
When she eventually broke it off, I had the same attitude id had a dozen times at that point in my life which was “oh well, it was fun while it lasted”.
A week later I had a strange new feeling I had never experienced before. I actually missed her. Not sexually. Missed her company, her conversation, I missed just riding in the car with her by my side.
For the first time in my life I was trying to figure out how to get a girl back into my life.
It took me a couple months to pull it off, I eventually got her to come back and we’ve been together ever since. This was 1997.
I just felt like I needed to stop sleeping with lots of people. It was so much fun and the adrenaline rush was what made me do it. A new experience with a different person and learning what they like. Then one day I woke up and felt like yeah this life is dangerous. Sleeping with friends and close family members girlfriends etc.
Even if my girl cheated which idk happened I don’t think I would have cared because they could be replaced. But something just told me to stop and I ended up just getting to relax with one person.
I really liked her, and she liked me back. It was strange, something just made sense.
We didn’t intend for it to be anything other than a casual thing. But now we are married and have two kids, house in the suburbs, several joint rental properties in multiple states, a bunch of cars (both for use and hobby).
I remember a couple of dates in she turned to me and said something to the extent of “this seems like the real deal” and I said “I agree!”.
She was my best friend and I came to the realization that I was looking everywhere for something that was right next to me. I love heer deeply and now I only have eyes for her. She makes me happy and is my safe place
When I found out she:
Was reasonably emotionally stable.
Good homemaker
Not narcissistic
Can apologize
Has self awareness
Caters to my fetishes (big one)
My wife was the ~50th person I had slept with, we clicked so instantly and effortlessly on our first few hookups that I realized I cared for her a lot more. I told her, this and she broke things off! But I left some stuff at her place because I had been going over every other night for like 2 weeks, so we kept talking trying to coordinate a time for me to come get my shit. Eventually we met up, I got my stuff, and we ended up grabbing lunch and the rest is history. I met my best friend and my life partner through a hookup app lol.
As for how I transitioned from sleeping around to sleeping with one person? I just didn’t want to be with anyone else, new hookups can be exciting but a lot of the time the sex isn’t that great because we don’t really know what the other person likes. After you’re with someone for a few years the sex gets better and better for both parties because you figure out what the other likes and you can really do your best in that regard.
Same as the people who did not have many casual hookups before comitting to one woman.
Why would you expect a different answer?
Nope. 25 years. Never would, but still on my mind.
It was a mix between me growing as a person and finding someone I could trust.
I had only casual hookups because I hated myself and I couldn’t trust anyone, I had been used and treaded badly so I believed I was shit and no one would ever love me or want to date me and I could not believe any girl who told me she actually liked me. I just had hookups so no one could make me care, cause if i didn’t care they couldn’t hurt me, and who would want to date me anyways ? I thought it had to be some kind of trap, obviously no one would care about me for anything other than a quick fuck cause I’m good looking but nothing more.
Then as time went on I stopped having hookups and stopped having contact with women in general, having sex made me feel bad, so I just became a work obsessed dude who spent all day busy so I didn’t have time to think about feelings cause who needs those if I can get money right? As time went on and I started being an over achiever I slowly started feeling less bad about myself, at least I was able to do stuff and was good at it so I had some feeling of accomplishment.
Then one day randomly I met a girl, I had not gone out of my house for around 2 months, I found a friend on the street and he made me go to a pub with him and his friends and there she was, my friend made me talk to her and he said he’d buy us a beer if we made out, we did. Then we started meeting and talked about out situation, we both said something very similar, that we did not believe in love and didn’t want anything serious, fast forward 2 weeks and we were dating officially, 2 months and she came to live in my house, we just were both fed up with all the shit in the world and wanted someone trustworthy and who could talk things with honesty. Sometimes I can’t even have sex with her I get panic attacks and anxiety for some reason and have not been able to solve It yet, she doesn’t care she supports me and loves me anyway, I didn’t think someone like this existed and I am so happy that life finally started smiling at me, I thought I would be a work obsessed loner forevever and the worst part is I was happy with that
I gave up on having fun excitement and having friends for a committed relationship and loosing all that because I am a god dam idiot.
When you realize that person improves your life for the better when they are in it.
Wifey material
I always knew I wanted marriage. Didn’t work out so well for me though as I was cheated on
It’s like shopping for clothes or shoes. You try out anything that strikes your fancy and is up for sale until you find one that you really like enough to fork out money for to take home.
Some people prefer window shopping without buying anything. Others are more selective in what they try out, having concerns about potential infections from leftover contamination by past people trying them out. Some find what they want at the start, others don’t find it at all. Some end up making satisfactory purchases, others end up with lemons, damaged or defective products.
Where was I again?
For me, it was a question of maturing.
I see my philandering years as being very immature.
What can be worse than a middle-aged man chasing women?
I met my partner when I i was 40.
I knew as soon as I put my arm around her, she was the one. I don’t want anyone else
I met my wife 43 years ago this fall, married 39 years, and have never cheated on her. I’ve never wanted to. When you meet the right one, you just know.
ONS and casual things are, by definition, not meaningful relationships. Just because a person may experience these doesn’t mean it’s their preference.
So, when you meet the right woman, you know it’s the right woman. Not only that, when you love the right woman, the thought of cheating on her is unfathomable.
That’s my take.
I got old.
Casual sex is just a temporary patch for the desire of relationship intimacy. They don’t compare.
They all knew what would get them committed. They finally found it. Thats all
I’ve always wanted a stable relationship, but growing up, I didn’t really know what I wanted in a partner.
I’ve had some longer and some shorter relationships and inbetween them when I went out with my friends I just didn’t resist when there was potential hookup… But I’ve never cheated on anyone of my partners.
Rn I’m happily married to my beloved wife of 3,5years (dating since 2017).
Because my wife is the right person. I’m a loyal puppy dog .Never strayed.
But because the question is focused around being monogamous a.k.a. sex. my wife fucks me like her life depends on it. So why do I need someone else?
She was a friend of mine. We were in college together and I had those regular flings which she was aware of. She, being an introvert, was not my type and nor was I. But we were close, as friends. Some other classmates would tease us saying that there was something between us and we would just mingle up with their jokes. We don’t even know when things went serious and one day I just kissed her. I had had so many relationships but this felt like my first kiss. So connected, so deep. That was when we realised that we were in love. Now after 12 years, we have a 3 years old son and I’ve never been physical with any other woman since that day
I started to feel gross and used after a while and it stopped being fun for me
I’ve had quite some hookups, and for a few years thats a lot of fun. But when you meet the one, you’re done. You would be a fool to let that person go for more silly flings.
I’m glad I didn’t.
It also has to do with your age. Untill your closing in on your midtwenties or whatever I hope you don’t bump into anything too serious and complicated yet. Have a whole lot of fun and then 24 or whatever meet that special person that stands out from the crowd and find out what love means.
But on the other side, it has nothing to do with age. If you meet someone truly special for you, that’s it. And before that, don’t commit.
Not married, but i got over the concept of wanting to go after a bunch of different women. When I see successful couples that work, I can’t help but one day want that as well.
I was dating multiple women at the same time, generally through Match. One different lady sent me a message asking to meet up. I had too much going on, so I declined. Several months later, she asked again.
We went on a date, and immediately after that date, 20 years ago, I stopped seeing anyone else, and she’s been the only girl I have been with since.
Sometimes you just know. Apparently she went home after they first date and told her parents she was going to marry me.
Second marriage for both of us.
I was looking for her the whole time. When i found her, i quit lookin.
Just got tired of chasing women who only thought about themselves. The moment I started looking for a partner, rather than an exciting GF I met my wife. I knew almost right away we were a great fit and I’m so thankful looking back I didn’t jump into something serious with someone who wasn’t looking to meet me halfway.
Just throwing it out there that you don’t have to be monogamous
Casual sex with a random person doesn’t compare to doing anything with someone you love.
You lost your looks. To be single and to thrive you have to be attractive, funny, sexy, charismatic, in good shape.
If any of those traits slip away, you won’t get the girls anymore so you may as well retire and be with one broad. You have to keep yourself up to be single.
At some point I met the right person. It felt right, and I knew I would never do better. I was right. I do miss the part of my life when I was having casual hookups sometimes, and I occasionally have the temptation to hook up. Logically, it would be incredibly stupid because I would just ruin a great thing and destroy the life we’ve built together.
It’s not a “decision” to settle down. It’s just that for whatever reason, this particular person makes you want to be monogamous. I wish I could figure out why but it’s truly not describable. I’m someone who was a true man whore when I was single. But when I’ve been in committed relationships, I’m all in. And I started each of those dates with the same expectations and thought process I had going into all the ones that ended up as one night stands or fuck buddies for awhile. As to the second part of your question, absolutely not, I love my wife and we trust one another completely. The thought of straying doesn’t even enter my mind
Having a happy and successful family is just in a different league than temporary fun. They aren’t really even comparable in terms of which one makes me feel better and more fulfilled.
Afraid of diseases and get the ms wrong pregnant
I never dated to find a relationship. I would just hook up and have friends with benefits until there’s a person that you have that spark and then it’s like oh wow I don’t wanna text anyone back I just want to be with you all the time. And then bam your in a relationship
Some people have written when there is right person you don’t feel it.
Let’s be practical we are human beings and urges will come.
Commitment is responsibility and ownership toward our partner. You are prioritizing your mental health, setting up a home, kids, and companionship. If these priorities are high for you than you should go for it.
However being single you are not committed to anyone, do anything and free for as many partners as you wish.
When you make one decision you loose some perks which comes with other choice.
So you have to decide wisely, there is no true love and neither you will feel horny all the time. But when distractions come you have to remember why you made the choice.
When she was not a part of my post-nut clarity. Meaning, I still wanted her to be around me after we had sex.
She’s at my level, she works, we get along, she has no bad habits, is mentally disciplined (stubborn) and yet understands when she is wrong and apologizes properly. A great cook and doesn’t expect me to do housework much. The sex is so-so and too infrequent (but workable).
That list is hard to find and good enough for me.
Your guy likely has a different list.
Met my girl today then we did the monkey 2 days later. She was so insecure about that for several years. But for me it was love at 1st sight. 20 yrs 2 kids and we still here. Been married 4. Never cheated. How can I? The woman still makes love to me like she is convincing me to stay. Hottest chick I’ve ever been with. To answer you I didn’t decide to be monogamous it just happened.
This is the only time in my life I’ve made an intentional effort to be alone and it’s because I’m still recovering from an ugly divorce. Prior to dating and marrying my ex, I was always open to romantic connections, where they could go and how I was feeling about my side of the investment. My goal was never to run around and stay single but I wasn’t going to be dishonest with myself or anyone I was involved with if the spark wasn’t there. It wasn’t ever a decision about monogamy, it was always about connection, and mutual commitment to a good thing until it wasn’t.
I guess I am jaded by reddit because the way the question is worded makes it sound as if only men do this sort of thing?
also this…
>When you decided to be monogamous, have you ever broken your partners trust behind their back?
Now I get it, perhaps OP is a young lady looking for some answers but it’s still odd.
Women cheat just as much, if not more, than men. It is not reported as such because in many cases cheating is not considered cheating by women.
Almost every instance of a man cheating is considered cheating (and it is), I say almost just to leave room for something I haven’t thought of.
Most cheating by women is “excused” and is not considered truly cheating by their friends, family, media, even courts.
What I mean by this is that when a woman cheats on her spouse, it is almost always “excused” by saying something like “He didn’t do x for me”, “I didn’t feel loved”, “she was looking for something he couldn’t give”, “she wasn’t happy” or “He didn’t make me happy”.
(how many times have you heard this in a movie, TV show or novel?)
Once you add excuses to it it becomes justifiable and when someone with a clipboard calls you up and say “have you ever cheated” they say “No” Because to them, with the excuses, it wasn’t cheating. “She had already left him, he just didn’t know it yet”.
That said… When you meet the right person, you’ll never want to be with anyone else.
Cheaters cheat, not everyone is a cheater.
At one point I was ready for the next stage in life.
Went out with a lot of women and somehow when i met my wife back then, i realised she is the one. Something just hit, i had a talk with myself that if i let her go, i’m doomed for life and then i got my shit together and it worked
With casual hookups or FWB, anything other than sex would put me in a panic and i’d want to get away from it. Everything gave me the ick (i hate that word but can’t fine a substitute lol). Once I met my wife, I didn’t have that feeling at all. You just kind of know. At least for me that’s how it happened.