25M GenZ had no game with girls until 21–22 and am becoming more attractive with age. women who once ignored me now throw themselves at me. i want to have fun and enjoy life at least into my mid 30s. marriage? maybe. kids? no.
for men 44–45+ who stayed bachelors or settled later, any regrets?
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59M and the grass is always, ALWAYS greener. I very, very much wanted to get married and have kids and that will never happen now. I got close three times and engaged two of those times spanning a 25-year period. They all met somebody else and are still married to that guy.
I think about it every day. But grass being what it is, I’ve long since lost count of the number of married friends — dudes I’ve known for decades or for just a few years, guys in their 30s and guys in their 60s — who tell me how jealous they are of me. The ‘freedom’ and self-determination and even just all the money I’ve managed to hold onto instead of paying the way for one or three or five other humans. But I still wish.
I try to be philosophical about it, not that I have a choice.
Old lady here who felt need to chime in.
Legal marriage will eventually be obsolete. It made sense when premarital sex was illegal and women were property and could not even have a bank account. A bargain was struck. You give me this and I’ll give you that. We don’t need that construct anymore.
In many European countries, including Norway and France, a majority of kids are born out of wedlock because marriage is no longer the norm there.
I’m a retired lawyer and I will tell you that you can obtain almost all the legal benefits of marriage through contracts, with exception of social security survivor benefits, only relevant if you don’t qualify on your own.
The financial consequences of divorce can be devastating. A former colleague of mine had to pay his ex alimony of $2 million, in addition to splitting half his assets with her. Unlike a normal contract, you can be liable for damages even if you performed your obligations and the other side did not.
Finally, marriage goes against the very essence of who you are, which is an unlimited and free being. You came to earth to EXPERIENCE, not to be severely limited in whom you can even talk to or share a meal with.
People get married in order for their personality to feel secure. They want assurance that what exists now will always be. But no one can promise today to feel a certain way in the future. Therefore, marriage vows are built on a false premise.
I’m 53. I’ve known since my twenties that I do not have the patience to become a father. And I do not regret never having married or settled down.
When I was in my twenties and thirties, there were extremely few women who never wanted to have children. If I had met women who wanted never to have children, I might have pursued a relationship with them.
I do think it’s extremely important to have a good friend, Network and support system. This becomes even more important as you get older. But, if it comes very hard to maintain one past your mid to late twenties.
Another old lady..you’ve got the rest of your life to “settle down”… go live your life figure out who you are and then if you want couple up.
It’s what I told my son and now what I tell my grandson.
Old woman here. Wait 7 years and then ask this question. You have time.
I don’t regret it, but I know I paid a price by not having a family of my own – the joy of parenting. But that comes with its own risks, too.
Even just a childless marriage would’ve involved settling down, and that wasn’t for me. Nor for the women in my relationships. We knew going in that eventually our paths would diverge. But the years we spent together were wonderful, and we remain friends.
I got to take calculated risks that it wouldn’t have been fair to share. The few setbacks didn’t go completely sideways, I was able to recover. Most paid off handsomely, one did spectacularly.
Now I’m old. I won’t be a burden, that was a fear that also contributed to my path.
One of the privileges of being a man is that you don’t have to decide right now. Just live your life and periodically check in with yourself on how you see your future.
Not a man that never got married, but as an older woman that has 4 close male friends that never got married, (50’s to 87) they got weird. For real. None as weird as my uncle Eddie) and all have told me they are lonely and wish they married and/or had kids.
I do have a personal view on this, but I wouldn’t apply it to everyone:
I married late in life, at 49. I was single up until then, but I must admit as time went on, a form of longing, or loneliness, was sometimes nearby. I met and married a divorced lady with 3 kids, we soon had another of our own, and there was no place for those longing feelings anymore. I helped raise my step-kids, one was soon gone, but the younger two I was pretty involved from about the age of 10 onwards.
Here is the key point here: Having a child (daughter) was something I didn’t know I was missing, but my god, did it have a positive impact on my life. Only “regret” was not having a child sooner, or more than one, but by then, it wasn’t feasible.
Cheers.
Yes and No
52M. I kept trying to surrender, but the women I dated never felt that I was the right guy. My parents had a 50-year marriage and raised myself and my sister as fairly well-adjusted people, so I did indeed always want children. It just didn’t work out.
I’m now taking care of my 80 year old dad. As his dementia progresses from moderate to severe, I worry about my own future in the next 25 or 30 years. Without any children or niblings, what kind of support will my sister and I have in our old age? Not that one’s golden years are the only reason to have children, of course, but I definitely feel something missing from my life.
My college roommate was like this, he dated girls in their mid-20s and would dump them for a newer model every few months. He acted like this was great and he loved it and he was happy and free. The rest of my friend group all got married and had kids except for him. I know he regretted none of it, he was having fun, like you talk about. When he was in his late 40s he realized he was the old guy in the club and it just wasn’t fun chasing the high of the “new” anymore. He met a really nice girl, settled down, got married and after a lot of IVF he is now a dad. He seems much calmer and happier than he ever did before and I think it was the right sequence of events for him. I always knew I wanted to be a dad and have been with the same woman since I was 24. I would also say anecdotally that bachelors die earlier than married dudes.
Not a man, but some advice. What you want is fine but you must be TOTALLY clear with the women you date that you want 0 kids and no marriage until mid-thirties. Do not lead them on.
Married EARLY. Had kids. No regrets. I know this didn’t answer your question; but I wanted to say “you be you.”
You have time, and I think underestimate how much you can change in 5+ years. What seems like an open field of opportunity can quickly become lonely. I’m not saying that you have to have a partner or kids to feel fulfilled by any means, and I wouldn’t treat life like a series of check boxes regardless. That being said, you’re of the age where most of your life you have had lots of people around due to school. Post-college when other people are all looking to develop their lives in their own ways is a whole different ball game.
WHENEVER this topic comes up, it is EASY to just dismiss that there is NO RIGHT or WRONG or GREATER or LESSER with the decision, whether it is self-imposed or circumstances-imposed. AND from the rational point of view and just how the “cookies crumble”, one is ENTIRELY correct, but at the same time, a man must acknowledge the elephant in the room, and that elephant is that most men will “grow up” exponentially when he is married and/or becomes a father. And because of that experience and growth can only sprout from that branch of Living, then that “examed life” can only be achieved by living that life. The deviation from it, is not an “unexamed life,” but it is a life lacking that experience.
FACT: There is greater percentage of divorced men getting married again THAN divorced men choosing to stay unmarried.
41 year old gay dude.
I’m not wired to be single, and yet I am.
My ex of 6 years cheated on me with my two best friends 3 days after saying yes to my marriage proposal.
I did not want to be single. But you can be damn sure I am not sticking around that shit.
All these dudes out here are just having the time of their life fucking everyone. Gay dudes my age are fucked up. Guys that haven’t been fucked up yet are too young for me.
So, I just enjoy life as it comes to me. This isn’t the life I wanted, but is the life I got – and you can be damn sure I am not going to waste the time I have left.
Yes, I do.
If you get over thinking having a relationship means you won’t have fun, you might find someone to do all that fun stuff with you.
If you’ve got some growing charisma, put it to use for good and see if you can find someone you really like to spend time with. You’ll have a built in party partner and you won’t be out reinventing the wheel every weekend trying to get some. By the time you get into your 30s, you’re going to have divorcees and folks with issues as the largest part of your potential mate pool.
Trust me. Playing the field gets old fast and is eventually really lonely as your friends pair off into relationships.
No.
I’m older than 45, but I’ve never been married, never been divorced (obviously), no kids that I know of and zero regrets.
My eyes are wide open in term of divorce statistics. It’s a net worth destroyer and very rough emotionally. Remember too, I’m the guy who splits up the money when things go south, so I clearly understand how the game is played.
I’ve dated over 100 women in my life, so why would I choose just one and sign a legally-binding contract to stay with that person for the rest of my life? Most of them wouldn’t want to date me right now, and vice-versa. And with that contract comes a lot of responsibility. Even if I don’t break the contract, they can and I pay a fortune to them. No thanks!
NOt pertinent to the OP question. But I feel in 30 years + time….there is going to be a lot of lonely old regretful people. It’s going to be sad for many I believe. But….people determine their own life and make their own choices. So be it.
I have just been diagnosed with cancer. I am SO thankful I have my children. They give me something to really live for and make me feel I have contributed to the human race and the world. Without them? I would really wonder what I even existed for.
Sorry woman here just over 46 this year. I think I would have been happy with children it just didn’t end up being our life path. Married 15’years