If you’ve been through a long-term relationship, especially one that ended in betrayal, I want to ask:
Do the intrusive thoughts of her ever stop?
Do the dreams of her fade?
Do you ever fully heal, or is there always a scar that stays with you?
I’m not asking out of bitterness, just trying to understand the road ahead. I know healing isn’t linear, but I wonder what it really looks like years down the line from those who’ve been through it.
Comments
Yes, but it takes time. A good therapist can help.
Yes.
The early going is atrocious. You feel like you’ve lost an arm. You look over your shoulder to tell her something and she’s not there. Then you go to sleep and have dreams that everything is normal, and wake up looking for her, and she’s not there. The crushing sadness from that makes the days go by slowly.
But…the days DO go by. And things DO get better. First the month changes, then the season, then another one, then its a whole new year. By then you’ve developed hobbies to soak up your time. You’re dreaming of other things. Another girl or two has caught your eye and you’re wondering if you should go for it.
And the answer is “yes.” Give yourself space to grieve in the immediate aftermath, but let that space start being occupied by other things gradually as more time passes.
Go to the gym after work. Watch the game with your boys. Ask that female friend to dinner. That’s what I did, decades ago.
She’s sitting beside me right now.
Don’t romance it, it’s not some timeless epic of love’s changing seasons and one man’s courage in the face of those so barren November winds, it’s a chick named Becky that was a selfish bitch who lacked conviction and integrity and it’s a good thing you got out when you did because you deserve more and better put your shoes on let’s go grab some nachos on a terrace in the sun and talk about time paradox in the Terminator movies for three hours.
Yeah it’s gonna suck and be really painful inside. lIt will take time to heal so hang in there, take care of yourself. The pain for me isn’t as pronounced but it’s there. when a memory is triggered that can mess up my day.
I haven’t had a dream about her in a couple of years. (I’ll probably dream tonight about her now)
The could’ve, would’ve and should’ve, was what tormented me the longest. The “What did I do wrong?” I ruminated on too.
The experience of Pain. Jealousy, blame and regret lasted about 4 months before I felt I was recovering. I had a friend and it took like 2 months. We’re all different though.