I am very curious. Especially anyone over 70 bodies. Not a pissing contest, you don’t have to say the number but you can.
Ppl replying like I’m asking for advice lmao I’m m F just curious. I have very hungry eyes, fantasise about casual sex or whatever whatever but it’s just not me. Curious to hear perspectives of men
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I am very curious. Especially anyone over 70 bodies. Not a pissing contest, you don’t have to say the number but you can.
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It didn’t seem to change anything for me. Sex is just another part of life.
Haven’t found the right girl I want to be in a relationship with yet. Number is 45ish
If any man is struggling with getting laid, I’ll give you a simple but effective strategy. Hit the gym and lower your standards.
My wife and I met later in life so by the time we got together we both had plenty of experience. Her body count doesn’t bother me one bit and as far as she’s told me, mine doesn’t bother her. But I feel the advantage of the experience is what we’ve learned over the years, which is how important direct and clear communication can be, and how much pleasure one can get from pleasing the other one. My wife and I are both very good at we we do for each other and we are very open in our communication. And because of these things, even though we are middle aged and don’t have sex as often as younger couples do, what we do is amazing and we always look forward to it.
I don’t trust anyone enough to get married with the divorce laws what they are. But it’s not like women are evil or anything-the law just gives them a big payout, so they have an incentive to dissolve the marriage. If someone offered me tens of thousands a year from someone else’s salary to break up with someone, I would at least be tempted!
You can have many partners and still be a shitty lover, and you can also be exceptional with one person.
Everyone’s different.
I’d say that sex in my 20s (especially my early 20s) was more about the experience itself and less about developing strong relationships. Satisfying urges, gaining confidence, whatever.
As I’ve gotten older, sex isn’t the driving force behind my decision to date someone. I do value a healthy sex life of course, it’s just no longer the primary focus on my relationships. Not sure if that has to do with the number of partners really, or if it’s just maturing in general.
Each number continue to fuel my curiosity, the desire to see what Becky from accounting butthole looked like, it drove me mad. Eventually I felt bad because I was just sleeping with girls because I was curious what they looked like naked, how they felt to be inside of, how adventurous they were in the bed, etc. But, up until that point each girl just made me hungrier for the next.
Honestly my 30-something female partners over my lifetime haven’t changed my opinion on dating and relationships that much.
It’s the 200+ male partners that left me kinda jaded and bored with casual sex and wanting a more substantial relationship. Grindr is basically like handing out free candy lol.
bc of 45ish here as a 58m. it was something to do back then and women liked me. then married, that sucked, shoulda stayed single. with someone now that i really like but i feel “bored” sometimes. really don’t need a woman around constantly and sorta kinda wish i was single again but i won’t go there now. too old for those shenanigans now.
moral of my story is, i liked the newness of a different woman. that whole relationship thing isn’t part of my make up but i’m trying to make it be so.
I’m 65. I have dated about 25 women since my divorce and probably the same before marriage. Call it 50.
I’m comfortable being naked and sharing what I like. Some women with few partners aren’t. More embarrassed fhan not.
If you’ve had a lot of partners, find one who has. If you’ve have had few, find someone who hasn’t.
It didn’t change anything for me. I’m married now and my wife and I be chillin 😎
I’m at around 27, it got me a lot of experience both in technique and sexual energy exchange (mutual instead of being one sided)
I genuinely have more fun pleasing women sexually than I do getting my own pleasure now.
Having a sexual encounter with nothing but their pleasure in mind just feels amazing, it’s like I’ve done something for them no other man has ever even thought about, they have huge orgasms with smiles on their face, feel respected and seen. It’s 1000x more satisfying than coercing someone into sex ever could be. The feeling of their energy and pure pleasure they experience is what gets me off now. It’s divine.
It led me into developing skills required for a truly balanced and healthy partnership, with the bs concept of sex being a need for me and something only for me out the window, I find joy in so many other things now and the sex we do have, when we have it, is incredible.
I lost count somewhere after #40 in my mid 20s. Having a high body count is bad, regardless if you are a man or a woman, no matter what the misguided people here on reddit tell you. It means you are bad at maintaining relationships and you are not a good partner.
Sex – It’s fun, but far from the most important thing, feelings and genuine connection are priority. And most women suck in bed anyway – most just lie on their back or bend over, have low stamina, they are lazy, selfish and expect you to do everything. Once you’ve been with one who’s actually GOOD at it – you realize how bad most are.
Dating – waste of time. I got so arrogant that I started asking my matches to come over at my place directly. All that bullshit women say here about being safe, meet at a public place – they are full of shit. All that goes out of the window if they want to fuck you. And most of them do fuck on first date. And that’s another common lie here on reddit – “I don’t have sex until the X date” – lol. Adittionally most of the time I was the one insisting on using a rubber. Also they cheat. A LOT. Especially married ones.
Marriage – unless you want kids it’s completely pointless for a man. I am married now, I love my wife, but we had a prenup and we are both happier for it. Everybody should get one.
PS: I read the other comments here and I call BS on most of them. There’s no way you go through 30-40 partners and say “my opinion didn’t change, I got it all figured out by age 18 and the decades after didn’t teach me anything new”.
my sleep deprived ass reading this like “my partner is 30+ F why does that have anything to do with how i see sex and dating …. oh ok” lmao
I’ve got a high number. It didn’t change my views of any of the things you mentioned. If you’re single, sex can be just sex.
It was validating in a time I needed validation. I do prefer having a single partner because I get to figure out how to make it better and do does she.
My body count comes from my teens early 20s. I would joke about being a man-slut. But the truth was my sense of self-worth was so low i couldn’t say no. There is SA in there, and I’m not sure how I count that.
There is trauma that still affects me. However, I’m married now. I generally don’t think about it. It’s just a thing we do.
When I was younger I fucked anything with a hole that wanted some dick. I was going fit, good looking with a big dick.
For me sex is about pleasure and there are different types of sex.
Fucking: just straight up fucking, a good pounding.
Making love: Super emotional sex, when you love someone and you have an emotional connection it’s unreal.
Vanilla sex: just sec to get off nothing fancy.
For me this changed nothing about how I view women, they have needs just like us. Some are just more open to say what needs they have and want.
I think the saddest part comes with the realization of how easy it is for some men to have sex with women. I’ve spent time with married women, women with boyfriends, and if you’re the right kind of guy, you can sleep with them.
It was weird learning not all women feel the same during sex (different size vaginal canals, creamers vs squirters) it made approaching women I like the most, way easier since I’ve seen a lot naked in intimate settings , made me learn that some women look better with clothes on and some look outstanding naked instead of with clothes, in a LTR relationship but we invite other women to our bedroom sometimes so I still see other women except in a group setting, best sex is with enthusiastic women instead of ones who rely solely on looks, and women are like men except their approach tends to be different with the same goals socially
Nothing really changed other than I got better at gauging a woman’s interest, and figured out what I was looking for in a partner.
I wonder if any the answers here have a shred of honesty to them
It became meaningless once I didn’t had an emotional connection with someone. And I actually felt grossed out and felt it touched my mental health in a bad way. Before I met my gf, I didn’t had sex for over 2years by choice.
Looking back, I wish this way earlier, so I would have declined more often, kinde regret it.
My views never changed from when I started until, with the exception of marriage.
For sex, I figured the more experience I gained, the more I would understand about others as well as myself. Which ended up being true.
I dated with the primary goal of having fun and enjoying time with my partner. I still feel this way today.
With respect to marriage, it wasn’t something I ever wanted. I did not see the point from other than fiscally. I was truly indifferent. If someone I loved were to want it, I would travel that path with them. Recently, that has changed. Had to nothing to do with sex. Just found a person who made me feel different about marriage. Only her, though. 🤣🤣🤣
Women are amazing. Not sure if sex influenced my opinion of them, I think people in general have the capacity to be beautiful people. I’ve always felt that way.
Sex hasnt changed really. I enjoy sex with women i have emotional connections with. Sounds obvious, but Ive had sex without emotional connections and its very empty.
Im in my mid 30s and as far as dating goes idk if I really want to have a relationship anymore. Im finally at a point in my life where I have financial freedom, and freedom most married woth kidsen do not have. I consider it a gift to have so much free time, and not have to spend it on others. Kinda one of those things i cannot see how someone would even begin to add to this? Yeah companionship and all that, but I guess I like my freedom. Been in enough relationships to know im not missing anything.
It literally has had no impact on anything.
Mainly that hitting the gym really hard and consistently and eating clean really is enough, at least in your twenties.
I’m around the 30 mark. It doesn’t change anything. Women like me because I have a nice face, in decent shape, I’m kind, and non-threatening. I was an easy one-night stand, or hook up buddy for a few weeks.
Women just want to have fun, right?
All women like back massages, holy fuck, 100% hit rate with that.
Some are weird about things like shower sex, or oral sex (giving and receiving).
Things can get too intimate and then the situation can get awkward.
I definitely disappointed a few! Sex for the sake of it rather than the fun of it.
No bad blood with any of them though.
One thing, don’t fuck within your friend group!!!!! It ruins everything, regardless of how “cool” you two are. Things are never the same afterwards. No one wants to meet up with a group someday and introduce their husband to someone who has been buried in their crotch or bent them over a table. It just doesn’t work that way.
It definitely made me crave a better sex life in marriage, which wasn’t there and we are no longer together. An incompatible libido is one of the main reasons we fell out, she wasn’t comfortable with her sexuality and I definitely am. I like to have fun and doing the same thing for years on end just doesn’t work for me. It’s alright but changing it up matters.
I’m between 50-100, it seemed ridiculous to keep count. To put it into perspective I’ve been with maybe 5-6 women since age 22. Over 40 now so lots of action/partners when young (started at 14). I don’t think it changed much, and I’d guess being in long term monogamous relationships changed my thoughts more. I think it’s infinitely more important to have similar libido’s with a long term commitment than a one night stand. I feel like my drive is the same from my youth, but I imagine it has slipped some.
One thing I would say is some women have the ability to get off pretty much every time or close to it. I feel like those women enjoy sex more overall and may enjoy sex more in the future. Meaning like yes we’ve had sex 3000 times at this point, but she is just as into now as the first few times.
Nothing worse than unenthusiastic duty sex.
I genuinely don’t get how people sleep with that many girls (or guys if you’re a female). I’m not bad looking. Maybe a little shy. But I still don’t understand how they can close on THAT many girls. I’m 25 and under 10. My ex had over 20 and it was a huge turnoff to me personally.
It can fuck you up in ways you don’t expect. I don’t believe anyone who claims they just love messing around for the rest of their lives. It’s empty and we are not built to be alone. To then transition to a long term relationship can be challenging and require painful introspection and challenging changes
80+
Majority of this in college 15 years ago and significantly changed my lifestyle since.
I think it definitely had a negative impact on how I perceived women for a while – almost like trophies (didn’t really brag about it, just how I thought about it). I also went through a phase where I couldn’t have a platonic relationship with a woman without thinking normal exchanges were them flirting with me
I’m 23M, and not really in awesome shape. I’m overweight, and kinda short, but I’ve been told that I hold it very well, and that I have a nice beard, eyes, and smile. I’d consider myself confident and highly outgoing. Oftentimes, I think just being able to talk with confidence is sufficient when it comes to getting laid. Of course I’ve had several rejections too, but it won’t happen if you never ask or pursue it.
I’m around the 40 mark. I’ve been a few long term relationships, have had many short term flings, and just a handful of one night stands. I don’t really have bad blood with any of them as far as I know. A good chunk of these were while I was in college, but I’ve still had a fair amount of female attention since graduating and starting my career.
I’m not exactly proud of my number, but I won’t dwell on the past. I don’t think it makes me any less datable or any less potential for marriage. I would still like to do those things in the future. I just want to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life with my future partner.
Yeah, I am calling bs on a lot of these answers. I have been with only 14 women so far and that already has changed my view of women mainly because you would not believe the number of them that are willing to cheat on their partner. Needing to dig into someone’s life isn’t something most men do when looking to hookup, but you don’t want to be blindsided by finding out she is already married after you hookup.
Also women are just as insecure as men about how their bodies look and how good of a sexual partner they are, always wanting to be the best never realizing an emotional connection and communication is what turns good sex into great sex.
I think of sex in the same way I think of getting sushi or going to a movie – it’s something to do to occupy X units of time in an enjoyable manner. I don’t really care about sex anymore since it visually gets worse with age.
Most women don’t look good naked. It’s all a facade.
I view it as an important part of every relationship, it didn’t change much about how I view women or relationships.
Honestly, it will fuck up your perception of women and make long term meaningful relationships more difficult.
You’ll begin to view women as disposable, and that makes it extremely difficult to build trust, and work through normal issues that arise in relationships. For me I would end a relationship the moment it got even mildly difficult.
That’s my experience for what it’s worth.
Many women are willing to cheat under the right circumstances.
Most women want to be more daring and experimental in their sex lives, but hide it because of how they might be perceived.
Wild threesomes or group sex is lot easier with random women you just met 20 minutes ago, and are not in the city they live in.
My biggest take away is that men and women are a lot more alike than most people seem to acknowledge. We all want a deep connection, and wild random sex with strangers.
I think I’m at 25ish(?) and really, just every woman is different and wants different things.
And it’s ok to try different things with those women as long as they’re into it too. That way you find out what you like.
At 56 I’ve had two, and one of those was a drunken stupid mistake. 😔
I don’t feel I missed out on anything, and judging by some of these comments, I haven’t.
Been together with my wife since we were 17.
20 to 30 partners seems obscene to me.
Probably 100’ish…. waited till I was in my 40’s to get married. Figured out what I could put up with and what I couldn’t. Now happily married for over 10 years. Literally no arguments or other bullshit with the wife. Also realized that relationship need to be about way more than just sex.
I’m in a poly relationship and I think maybe close to 20 partner over my life.
What changed for me is that I lost all interest in sex acts that are not mutually beneficial. If a partner would do something “for me”, then I rather skip it. It’s either fully enjoyable for both or it is not happening at all.
Second thing is that I learned to approach every encounter as if it’s the first time ever. Don’t assume that something will feel good or work just because it has in the past.
Dating and women in general, I learned that women will basically always lie or bend the truth about what they are looking for. Best case acenario, they refuse to spell it out and expext the man to just act as they expect a man to act (sexually aggressive).
Lastly, I learned that all rules surrounding dating, relationships and sex are entirely arbitrary and always up for debate.
It wasn’t a big deal for me. I didn’t want any kind of serious relationship in my 20’s. Sex was something that was fun and easy. I’ve proven/confirmed every stereotype as it relates to women and the type of sex they have. I’ll say that my wife was only with maybe 5 guys before me, so I’ve been around the block a lot more and got to try cool new (to her) things again.
I learnt a lot about myself, female sexuality, and I grew to appreciate the connection more than the physical act itself. I wasn’t very self-aware in my early twenties, so I didn’t understand or value the effect I have on women. Luckily I’m still able to explore my masculinity and the sexual dynamic with other women in addition to my spouse. Things would be more mysterious without the experiences I’ve had, but women are still fascinating.
How you get them is exactly how you lose them
I’m in the 20-30 range and I don’t know if it changed how I see women or sex or dating. I feel like that range is fairly normal for the people around me. It helped me learn what I like and don’t like out of a sexual partner and what I enjoy during sex. I’ve never thought sex has to be linked to romantic feelings, but I do think it’s usually better when it’s with someone I have a romantic connection to.
I also have no issue with seeing women as people who like and want sex just as much as men do. I don’t put them on a pedestal or judge them for how much sex they’ve had. I don’t know if that’s because of my experience or just because of who I am and my upbringing, but I’ve never understood why men care about a woman’s sexual past or number of partners.
How is it not for you if that’s your fantasy? Sounds like you’re either shacked up with a low count or single but wishing you had more sex. But to answer your question, the thing I’ve learned is that the human experience is incredibly ubiquitous. Beneath the façade of all our different personalities and mysterious aspects of who we are or who we might be, we’re incredibly similar as biological beings. People are just alike. The novelty of new partners is somewhat exciting, but it’s also pretty predictable. Especially when you hit a certain count, you’ve sort of been through all the various configurations. This is reinforced by the insane ubiquity of porn, where you sort of see like yeah I know that type or behavior. There’s only so many archetypical features, at a certain point it becomes categorical repeats. Or what ends up happening is you develop really honed preferences. I think that’s probably the most common outcome.
I think the biggest thing it showed me is that women are just as horny as dudes. I’ve had a good amount of partners and I’ve had a long relationship. Would choose a relationship 10/10 times.
I used to think in my 20’s that having a lot of partners was awesome but the older I get the more depressing it is lol
It made me realize that there is NO REASON to rush or to “settle.”
There’s no reason to alter my life in ways I don’t want, or to compromise in ways that violate my boundaries or sacrifice the life I want to live.
I don’t have that many sexual partners as you are requesting but when I realized I didn’t need to do anything & but just exist, i became extremely skeptical. Dating also became really difficult since i wasn’t sure who was trying to just have sex & who actually wanted to date.
Not really, I’m around the mid 20 range in terms of partners and I’m 38, so even in my most ‘prolific’ period it was like 4 in a year and a good number of those were one or two time things. I’ve never actually sought out one night stands, it’s kinda just happened and I’ve never gotten much value outta them. I don’t crave sex a whole amount, which is pretty much consistent with how I’ve always been…6 months without action is ok if there’s nothing worthwhile around…maybe if I was up around 50 plus partners I’d be going crazy if I got none after a few weeks, but…meh
It’s all.supply and demand…when there’s easy supply its value goes down….after huge numbers I just see sex and beauty as a social currency women use to get ahead….men use financial wealth and success…I just enjoy the entertainment when it’s my turn…
I was thinking about that the other day…and it’s silly. I mean sex is sex. And women have the same parts. But really…if you find someone you enjoy just stay with them and make them happy. And you’ll be happy in return.
I’m not quite that high but more experienced than most guys I know. The thing I took away from it is that woman are just as horny as men, and not to take anything personally. When you make an emotional connection with so many people, even if it’s only briefly, they tell you things, and you learn a lot if you listen. The only thing it changed was it just humanized people more. We’re all horny, we can all be hurt, and we can all make connections. Some last a few hours, some last a lifetime, it is what it is.
Happily married now and loving it.
doesn’t change imo.
ladies are people too. treat them as such…
29M Im in the 25 – 30 range of women I’ve been with. I learned that not insignificant amount of woman are shady.
Particularly, I remember hooking up with a woman who was on a “break” with her BF. She met all my roommates at the time. I didn’t know her BF but one of my roommates was friends with him. A few months later that roommate invited him to watch the NBA finals with us and he brought her.
You can only imagine the looks I was giving my roommates and the look she was giving us. The whole time her BF was oblivious.
Also, the majority of the woman I hooked up with were more interested in getting with me because Im a minority and they wanted “the experience.” I know with one woman for sure because my friend’s ex tried to set me up with her and she told me that her friend wants to hook up with a black guy. With the other women, I knew in the back of my mind but when my buddies ex literally verbalized it, I immediately was disgusted.
Im now more on guard when I talk with certain woman and I rarely sleep with women without getting to know them first.
I’d say things change when you hit a certain number. I get bored really quick and can tell if someone is worth my time or not before it gets sexual. Now I only pursue those who really turn me on. I don’t care about fucking just for fucking.
Almost 50 and it’s messed me up. I always want something new. Now I’m a family man and I’m learning to cope. But it’s tough lol
Honestly it got old. Half of them I don’t know the names of or really remember too much as I was fucked up (college). Definitely made me depressed and less respecting of women in general tbh. I still dapple in casual sex tbh but have chilled out. NOW ready to have a girlfriend where I can focus on growing something meaningful.
It gets old. I was married before, divorced – the played the field – alot. It got old, sought a serious relationship and real partner for life. Im married now and honestly think I am a better husband now than I ever was before. It made me appreciate a quality, loving, respecting partner more. It taught me what to look for – and avoid.
Many will not agree with this – but body count in men is not the same as body count on women. I don’t make the rules of society or the universe. I just live in them. A man having a count of 50 is not the same as a woman having a count of 50.
What really changed my perspective was my last 6 year relationship ending. It made me just want to fuck everyone and never settle down again. So I’ve been doing that for over 2 years and at 41 bodies currently. Though I can remember carefully everyone I slept with as I had short romances with almost everyone, some lasted few days, others few months.
It makes you realize how important a proper connection is. Found my wife years ago, never leaving her.
Been with a large number comprised of significant variety.
The main change is that I now view sex as a form of communication, and really not a big deal.
I am much more interested in the person, who she is and what her values are than what she looks like naked or her bedroom skills – which is a change from my teens and twenties.
A lesson learned is that many women valued my physical appearance more than my personality/values, which has hurt some of my relationships over time.
Women produce oxytocin during sex, men only produce oxytocin if they are emotionally involved
It creates social bonding….
Personally I hate un emotional sex, its like food without taste. Probably one reason im only on numero 6 after 60 plus years. Almost all my sexual relationships have been both fun and a learning, most I still chat with, one I still love.
34m here. Pretty sure I’m over 70+ kinda started losing track tbh in my 20s. I don’t identify as a sexual addict but I am in recovery from alcohol since 2020. I did not have sex nor form a relationship from July 2020 to summer 2021 as was recommended in AA. This was a huge reset for me. I additionally hooked up with people 3-4 times that summer and fall of 2021 and had fun but didn’t exactly enjoy it. In sobriety it felt more like my “old days” and didn’t sit well with me. I was using the apps and more specifically Feeld because of the kink element.
In December 2021 I hooked up with someone off of Tinder – and we stayed in touch. I hooked up with two other people since that initial meeting but the person I met in December 2021 and I got back together and I’ve been monogamous since February 2022 with this wonderful person, with whom I live with.
It is my first sober relationship and certainly my healthiest. We are compatible sexually – although I have the occasional urge to explore outside of our relationship, which is to be frank – usually cured by post-nut clarity. I have flirted with others on occasion outside of social events together, but I get a feeling of guilt when I do. I am in love with this person and because we have a monogamous relationship – I believe I should respect that. My only frustration is if we are both working too much/stressed from work we can occasionally go up to a month without sex – although rare.
I can see myself marrying and having a life with this person. Again, I don’t believe I was a sexual addict, but was acting on impulses for a dopamine hit along with the booze and the drugs.
Sex is fun with a person you love. Women are other humans in the world. I don’t run from guilt or fear getting diseases like I used to to be completely honest.
Hope this helps.
Haven’t done it but from everyone I know who does, and this comment section reinforcing it, no one really regrets it but they come to the conclusion that they could have gotten where they are now without doing all that.
Kind makes sense with 98% of the women you’ve had sex with never meant anything to you
My takeaway was that men and women are more alike than we usually realize.
That thing where a dude will just ignore buckets of red flags and bad behavior because a girl hits all the notes for his definition of hot? Women will kind of do the same thing, just it’s not purely based on looks is all.
I try to be kind and thoughtful. I try to be present emotionally present for people. I try to not let my baggage and hang ups affect the people around me more than I can help. I don’t step outside of relationships. But, total honesty here, I wasn’t the greatest boyfriend, and I wasn’t the great husband. Despite all those things I try to do, I’m riddled with baggage and damage. I waffle between emotionally unavailable and insecurity. I forget things I should remember, I remember things I should have forgotten.
I’m an absolute trainwreck.
But, I’m really good in the sack. My own level of enjoyment is inextricably tied to my compatriot’s level of the same. It means I’m always chasing her pleasure instead of chasing my own.
The practical effect of all this?
If you take the time to get to know me, we prolly don’t get anywhere. But if you fall into bed with me right away? All those little pink flags that add up to “I don’t think this is going to work,” fly right out the window the same way they do for a dude struggling with the hot versus crazy equation.
Over a hundred and probably closer to 200. I am completely cooked. I refuse to form any kind of relationship… I don’t want to get hurt. I miss my ex-wife who I was with for like 10 years. I ruined that relationship on purpose and there isn’t a single day I don’t miss her
50-60
Idky but sometimes part of me feels like monogamy isn’t gonna work out for me. I still look at other women in an awesome 1-year relationship. I think a few exploratory phases has definitely warped my view.
I don’t understand how to answer this. I’ve always looked at sex/dating/marriage/women the same. Being with a larger number of partners had no impact on it, and even of it did, I wouldn’t be aware of it enough to notice that it had changed the way I see things.
Sex is great, but I only have been with people in the hope of finding someone to settle down with. I had that once, and accumulating partners isn’t the goal, just part of the process.
I assume most people are different
When you give up the notion that that sex has to be between “2 people who are deeply in love” and start to realize that when done safely and responsibly can be something thats just awesome between 2 consulting adults and doesn’t have to mean you have to pick out rings. Sex becomes much more freeing.
I believe that a “body count” means fuck all to be honest. I’ve been married almost 10 years and 2 kids and I’m not sure my wife knows mine and I have no idea about hers. I’ve never asked. It wouldn’t change anything
After a while, i realized that the qualities of a woman that made me want to keep her around AFTER sex were more important than the qualities that made me want to have sex with her in the first place. Sex is great, don’t get me wrong. But after a while, having a woman who provides peace of mind and calm became more important than big ole taytay’s or a fat booty.
I’m not at that high a number but I’m glad I found a serious relationship before I got there. I was never into promiscuity for its own sake and only ended up with the count I did as a result of failed relationships (both women with whom it didn’t work out and rebounds after hard breakups). I felt my born romanticism degrade somewhat even from the experiences I have had and didn’t want to totally lose it.
Not me personally but two of my best friends were quite the man-whores for a time, going way above the hundred mark.
We talk about anything and everything, and from what I’ve gathered both of them are happy having done it.
I feel like they get a little full of themselves though in how they view sex, both are attractive, and with the way women approach them no wonder their confidence is high, however not all of us are this lucky.
So while they see any woman as a viable long-term partner, unlike them, I would never date a woman with a higher number of sexual partners.
They’ve both learned to expect a genuine person in their lives though, they literally take no bullshit from women, I’m happy they’ve kept the best mindset after being together with so many women, lovers are temporarily, friends are forever.
As silly as it sounds, its just me removing them from a pedestal I used to have. Like somehow a woman was gonna help shape my life and lead me into being great. That I had to put on a dog and pony show to seek their approval. Now I’ve seen too much, I realize they’re just normal humans with terrible plumbing and food safety knowledge
It allowed me to come to terms with what I want in my life. None of those women were what I wanted out of a partner. It made it very clear to me what I actually need and want out of a true partner in my life.
Sex- Sex is very similar for the majority of partners, which is good. The very few outliers are either very bad or very good.
Dating- It’s far easier for me to date successfully, but that’s generally driven by putting in all of the work necessary to get to the sex.
Marriage- Compatibility is a huge thing, not in just sex (and especially for people that want to be in a monogamous relationship), so the bar for a woman to clear for me to consider marriage is exceptionally high, though not unattainable.
Women in general- Women have it rough in the dating community, it’s just a different kind of rough than what men have. Sleeping with lots of women has really given me a lot of insight into their experience and struggles, which has ultimately helped me cater to them and be a better person overall.
An attractive woman doesn’t automatically lead to good sex.
Women in general are really bad at sex.
I slept with my fair share of women back in my 20s, threesomes, orgies, sex clubs, you name it.
I learned that the best sex is with someone I cared about and got to know better. You understand what they like and vice versa.
If you’re looking for data points I’m about to skew your results lol.
I’m 36M and have had 25 partners. All of them when I have been 300+ lbs, most of them being 400+ lbs. Also most of them from when I was 27-31. I’ve exclusively used dating apps in one area (Kansas City) since I moved here when I was 21, all of the dates and partners were met on them. Dates probably reach 40-45 total. I am very fat but I guess I have an alright face/hair with some charm and charisma.
From 18-21 and 26-28 I was a caregiver for my mom and grandma. Hard to date without a job/money and not often having good days watching loved ones no longer recognize me. That 27-28 window was strange.
I also have not been on a date for over a year now (June 2025), haven’t had any sexual contact for 1.5 years now (December 2023) and haven’t had regular sex since March 2020 when I got broken up with the weekend of the Missouri Covid lockdown. I suffer from a high libido, just this last 3 day weekend I shot web about a dozen times while high AF on edibles.
There are multiple facets to the answer for why I have this dry spell that feeds into the questions asked. I’m both obese and aging out of online dating, while I’m okay with not having children of my own for various reasons I’m absolutely disinterested in being a stepdad. Additionally the women remaining in this area interested in me are bipolar part time dog groomers that don’t drive or poly/enm women/couples. Not about to partner with crazy and not interested in sharing like that.
Since I don’t let my success or lack there of with women define me and am unwilling to have zero standards or boundaries in the interest in getting my dick wet – I am lonely. I’d like a romantic partner. Someone to twirl around our kitchen while we make dinner, to beat mercilessly in Scrabble, to cuddle before and after busting more nuts than a squirrel in a peanut factory.
I can get those things in theory but at least one thing needs to change. I need to shrink my size and grow my confidence, or move to a new fishing hole, or settle for being in a relationship with a woman that already has a kid. First one is being actively worked on, unlikely to move cities but that’s more realistic than my settling for a mom.
Don’t get me wrong, I am attracted to plenty of moms. Some are gorgeous, aged like wine instead of bread. As such I’m considering opening myself to the possibility of a mom with older kids, like 18+. I don’t hate kids, I just know that hearing “my kid(s) always come(s) first” should both be true and would make me miserable. I’m tired of reading that on the profiles on the apps as is, to be told that in person when I try to make plans or be romantic or whatever makes me want to stay single and lonely sometimes rather than paired up with expectations placed on me and never prioritized.
Speaking of, another facet to my lack of dating is that so many modern women expect traditional men. They will want the guy that will take care of everything, especially on a date, and then wants to pick and choose whatever female gender roles and obligations she wants while expecting zero criticism. It’s not just paying for a date either, it’s the whole attitude. I did not use the term settling first, I’ve just heard and read so many women saying they refuse to settle for imperfect but good men that I now have to acknowledge that a part time dog groomer with 2 kids from different guys that maybe pay child support would be settling when I’d rather be single than in that shit show.
I could write a few more pages of this book but you get the picture.
It wasn’t planned. I had a few periods in my life when I actively sought casual relationships but even then I only slept with one woman at a time.
Overall my number of partners grew because of dating and looking for relationships. We’d have a few dates, sleep together, and sooner or later one or both of us decided we didn’t want it to go any further. And that happened a lot of times.
Here are examples from 2019:
Woman A was massively avoidant and freaked out after a month when she started liking me a lot.
Woman B was extremely insecure. I ended it after she shouted at me for “looking at other women” when I hadn’t. We only had 3 dates.
Woman C rejected me because she liked another guy more.
Woman D only wanted fun but I didn’t realise that until I liked her a lot.
My relationships are more real after taking the importance of sex out of the equation.
Bottom line;
Sex is sex. Love is love. Friendship is friendship. Sometimes it’s great if all three align with one person.
Biggest change for me: I can’t go with monogamy after this many partners.
I’m over 30 but lost count a while ago. It’s been years now. I’ve done it all over the world, with women from everywhere. Different countries, different cultures, but the same patterns.
It usually starts the same. Some spark, a moment, the idea that this might be something. Sometimes it is. Mostly it’s not. You connect, you hook up, maybe talk for a bit after, maybe not. Then it fades.
I got good at it. Reading women, knowing what to do. But the more I did it, the more I started feeling detached. Like I was watching myself from outside. The body was there. The mind wasn’t.
There was one who got in. I let it happen. Let her matter. She didn’t feel like the others. It ended, and it wrecked me more than I expected. That one changed the game.
Since then, I’ve just been trying to be real with myself. No more illusions. No more trying to fix anything with sex. I don’t want fireworks. I want quiet I don’t have to question.
The high body count didn’t make me wise. It just made me honest.
I was out of control from college up until about 30, just banging as much as I could and only having maybe three real relationships along the way. I was a male nurse before nursing really blew up so the girl to guy ratio was like 10 to 1 so it was easy. I was always friendly and sociable so even my fellow nurses that were in relationships would want to hook me up with their friends.
It gave me a small ego boost but it was terrible, I started getting bad anxiety about dating too many people at once and I know I hurt a few people by leading them on which I always felt bad about.
I’m much more reserved now, I date casually but every time it comes to the hookup point I thinking in the back of my mind “what will the repercussions be for what I’m about to do?”
Call me crazy, but I don’t think 30+ sexual partners for a middle age guy is high. Between the ages of 21-25 it’s safe to say I averaged 1.5 partners a month( some months were dry, some months were very busy lol). Do the math on that, that’s 90 partners. Sounds crazy, but really, getting laid once a month doesn’t sound unreasonable. You stay single for long enough and you really start to rack up those numbers.
My views on marriage/sex/dating has matured over the years. I credit most of my maturity/growth on therapy and becoming a dad.
I don’t place a high value on casual sex. But good sex with someone you care deeply about, thats top tier.
Also, to the young guys. The most attractive women rarely put in a lot of effort in sex. My best sexual experiences have come from mildly attractive women.
I’m not at that body count but high up, sec is still just sex it’s part of a connection and can be part of a relationship. I was told by my uncle when I was a teenage never buy a car without test driving it (when talking about sex) and I took it to heart. A sexual connection is a major role in any major relationship for me. If it can’t be enjoyable for us it will probably hurt the relationship or cause issues in the long run.
Body count is just a number and as long as you have been safe or clean doesn’t effect how I look at you or view anyone.
Marriage is marriage I have friends who have failed a few times I have friends who have great marriages. Sex is a part of marriage but more the sex drive and importance of sex and that’s usually a topic pre marriage. Kids change the schedule but the couples who I know still have a healthy one make it work.
80+? It hasnt. I still fall in love like everyone else.
Currently heartbroken :/