I was recently having a conversation with my friends, and I was of the opinion that men tend to give very high weightage to how pretty a girl is, but once you start dating them, you soon get so used to it that the looks dont make any difference.
Few of my friends didn’t seem to agree, and said that although character matters more, looks make a huge difference.
So yeah, as the title says, men who have been with girls that are considered conventionally attractive, how much did it actually matter over time?
Edit: just to clarify, i understand the importance of finding your partner attractive. The question is more along the lines of whether it makes a difference to go much beyond that and being with someone “more attractive than the average” because ive seen lots of guys trying for that and getting respected by other ppl just cuz they have extremely pretty partners.
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/aliaslight’s post (if available):
I was recently having a conversation with my friends, and I was of the opinion that men tend to give very high weightage to how pretty a girl is, but once you start dating them, you soon get so used to it that the looks dont make any difference.
Few of my friends didn’t seem to agree, and said that although character matters more, looks make a huge difference.
So yeah, as the title says, men who have been with girls that are considered conventionally attractive, how much did it actually matter over time?
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If you can’t stand them, who cares what they look like. At the end of the day it’s about personal connection.
You have to be attracted to them, otherwise there is no point.
But beyond that, it honestly doesn’t matter that much.
Like my grandfather used to say “beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone”
Looks matter at first no doubt they grab your attention. But over time it’s who she is that really counts. If there’s no connection or peace the looks fade into the background.
It matters a great deal. Of course her personality and everything else is as important if not more important. Can’t have a relationship without that. But I love how attracted to her I am. I love that I can look at my girlfriend of eight years and still feel a growling primal hunger for her.
A lot. If she started gaining weight, there’d certainly be a discussion about it.
Ugly is a boner killer no matter how good of a personality she had. It’s always a huge plus to be physically attracted to the person you’re romantically involved with.
Usually beauty means good genes, which are not limited only to physical appearance, but to intelligence as well.
Doesn’t matter how pretty she is if she doesn’t enthusiastically participate in the bedroom activities.
When the chips are down and you’re arguing or frustrated, a man will hold on to a pretty wife longer than he will one who has mediocre looks.
My ex was an 8/10, and that definitely helped carry us thru some tough times
I’m married. One of the things you commit to when you get married is that, all things being equal, you’re going to grow old together.
Part of aging is that you, ya know, age – and that means your body changes. Even if you do everything right you get older. Your “looks” as you defined them in your teens, twenties, thirties, change – you can exercise as much as you want, eat as perfectly as possible, use every cream and procedure in the book, and you’ll age.
I only say that because even though my wife doesn’t look like she did when she was 25 (and I certainly don’t either) I still find her attractive – and she finds me attractive. As you mature physically you mature mentally and part of maturing mentally is realizing that looks come and go but the PERSON is always there.
Yes, there are OBVIOUSLY extreme cases that we can spitball all day long about dramatic changes in lifestyle that people willfully make that change the physical dynamics of a relationship in ways that may not be sustainable long term. I don’t think we should pretend that these are common.
If they are conventionally attractive you will usually have a fairly consistent annoyance of her always havign men hit on and try to pursue her, sometimes even if you are right there with her, and whether or not she reciprocates or enterains them, it eventually gets tiring to deal with.
From a personal level, it ultimately matters less the older you get because you learn to value personality a lot more, but it always feels good to be with an attractive women.
It’s damn near worse because sometimes you get the feeling that they do things with privilege because everyone told them they deserve it off appearance alone.
I’ve only ever dated women I’d consider good looking. I feel it would be really disappointing to settle for someone who doesn’t really spark that kind of desire. Arousal, lust, whatever you want to call it it’s fun.
I’ve had a girlfriend gain weight while we were dating and that’s not why we broke up it was definitely a bummer to lose that.
I’m sure over a long enough time as you grow together and both at least eat well and stay in shape aging itself isn’t an issue since you theoretically love this person.
It matters a lot more in the beginning for sure.
The deeper the connection the less looks matter but attraction will always remain important and looks are a big component of that..
What would you rather get used to green rolling hills, open land with some mountains in the background or a landfill site?
Being attracted to your partner is a huge deal.
I truly believe that you can not have a healthy relayionship if you don’t find them attractive.
It 100% matters. You need to be sexually attracted to your sexual partner. Full stop.
Maybe if you’re already both 80 years old, you can discount looks. But if you aren’t attracted to your partner, you’re going to be miserable and disappointed either for most of your adult life, or until you cheat and/or divorce.
Let me go and ask my husband…
Married men more likely to bail on their wives when they get cancer/sick and not ‘attractive/fckable
Marriages are about seven times more likely to end when the wife becomes ill than when the husband does.
Everyone’s saying personality is what matters long term. That’s true, but I dated a girl who was drop dead gorgeous — looked identical to Natalie Portman, all her social media comments would say the same thing — and it makes a big difference. She’d be sitting on the couch reading or minding her business and I’d look at her face and just melt. It’d spur me to go give her a forehead kiss and hug her tight. She had a wonderful personality, but her incredible looks just took the love to the next level
Looks don’t matter because if she loses respect in you the looks go away.
Now if you think someone is unattractive now, things are about to get a lot uglier
Been with my wife for 20 years, she is (conventionally) beautiful, and hot as hell; she always has been. It still matters a lot and I still find her extremely attractive.
What doesn’t matter at all is what anyone else thinks, I literally don’t give a single fuck.
In the beginning, she has to be attractive enough to catch my interest, there’s no exception for that. Long-term, I expect her to maintain her looks in direct proportion to how I maintain mine. If I’m a bum with no hygiene and put on 200 lbs eating pizza and beer, well I can’t expect her to be a supermodel. But if I’m hitting the gym regularly, paying attention to my grooming, and staying reasonable fashionable then I think it’s appropriate to expect similar maintenance from her. Note I did not say similar effort- guys have an easier time of it especially once kids are involved and such, and I recognize that. I don’t expect her to spend all her time in the gym or doing her makeup, but when we go out in public we should look like we belong together. If that takes more work on her part, well that’s what it takes. We’re both going to age and we’re both going to have changes to our bodies. I just expect that we will do that together, not one or the other of us give up and fall apart.
Looks are easy to deal with to overlook red flags or issues early on, but once that veil is lifted you need to decide whether they actually add to your life or drain it. Looks don’t matter at that point. Figure that out before you move in together especially how finances will work
I would say finding them attractive is super important. Anything more than that probably doesn’t matter. Also I think you find them more attractive if you love their personality as well. A super nice and kind average looking woman is probably going to be super attractive and arouse strong sexual desire.
It’s different. Guys will approach. Had guys try to sit down to dinner with us. When I’d go to the bathroom I’d come back to guys talking to her. It was funny and flattering. Certainly helps you realize some people have a different life experience
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It matters but other qualities becomes more important. But it still matters
(woman jumping in) my husband is extremely good looking. We’ve been together 8 years and I still can’t unsee it. Even when we fight, my cranial brain is like tell him to stfu and hate fuck us instead 🙁
I believe the late great Jimmy Soul covered this pretty succinctly back in 1963.
“No matter how hot she is, someone out there is sick of dealing with her shit”
Minimal over time. More about aligned values, connection etc. Of course you have seen many very attractive celebrities divorce very quickly.
However, if someone is ‘unattractive’ or very overweight due to discipline, habits etc., that may be a real issue time since you are not aligned on what is important. It’s not a deal breaker, but it may lead to issues down the road if you don’t see health and lifestyle the same way.
My wife was always a looker and way out of my league, but she was also a total nerd. She kept her figure after our kids and never really had to do anything. She would drop baby weight immediately it seemed. She recently put on about 40lbs and she was asking me how she looked. NEVER EVER EVER use the phrase “I’d love you no matter how fat you get”.
Doesn’t matter how attractive someone is, there’s always someone somewhere that’s tired of their shit.
It certainly helps when you look at them and you think “damn” (in the *good* way).
It’s just a bonus if other dudes think so too. To a point, though.
After being with women that made other women say “damn”, or act jealous, or having guys start to hover longer, you realize it does matter. You become alert to how entranced people get around beautiful people. It’s not that bad to deal with, though – you get used to it. You just gotta stay on your toes in a social sense. You feel like there’s a higher chance than usual of someone being a weirdo and you’ll have to deal with it.
But then you go home and still all that matters is that you think “damn”. People say their longtime partners get more and more beautiful to them as they age and in my case it’s been true. I’d say that matters too, in a different sense. In a nice sense, lol
Find a girl that was chunky when she was younger, but has a great body now. My gf is still so humble and sweet since she wasn’t gassed up her whole life about being hot, and now she’s always one of the prettiest anywhere we go.
I’ve dated super attractive girls and girls that are not. I’d say you do get used to how hot a girl is but every now and again they come out of the closet for a night out and look stunning. It’s sort of the same with less attractive girls but the other way around where some days I would look at them and feel completely not into them.
Connection is the most important but having a girl that is also attractive is paramount to me.
Physical attraction is what initially attracts us to women but the personality is what gives the relationship longevity.
Why is it that the women have to be pretty or attractive, yet the man can look like an ogre? I see this all the time around me, tourist town, lots of out of state visitors.
Rare to see attractive man, average woman.
Was married to a former model. You get used to the appearance of someone. You might still recognize they’re beautiful but it might not trigger that spark.
My reply keeps being removed?
Looks get your attention, and personally keeps your attention. Get you someone that will do both.
I met my wife 21+ years ago and I am
still absolutely smitten and attracted to her in every possible way. Probably borderlined obsessed(in a good way, I swear) with her. Shes still sexy as hell and I adore the person she is, and the person she helped me become.
They all get old
Attraction matters a lot. It’s also not just physical in nature.
If she has pretty eyes, I will never get tired of looking at her.
A lot tbh. Keeps me motivated and attracted.
It matters all the time. It keeps a spark alive.
Never been with one, so this question isn’t for me, but most of the men I know care very little for a woman’s attractiveness when it comes to serious and committed relationships.
Ive met some guys who think it’s very important, but I also don’t think highly of their character for other reasons.
Attraction is important. Connection, personality and compatibility are also important. Where those things sit in comparison to each other will vary depending on the individual.
Yeah it matters to me. I like looking at her 😂
On a serious note I like knowing that the pretty woman that stands out in the crowd wants to be with me.
And sorry but I’m shallow enough to admit I like that the woman other men look at when she walks by will be taking her clothes off for just me at the end of the evening to get down and dirty 🤣🤣🤣
It helps though that she’s also kind and clever and quite funny in her own way. Bit of a catch really.
While it goes without saying that whether or not you get along with them should be the first priority, it’s really hard to discount just how amazing it is to have a really attractive woman on your arm.
It’s easier to keep the bedroom alive. It may still fall off some, but it falls off a lot more when you weren’t very attracted to her in the first place.
My wife’s looks were what got my attention but it was her personality that made me interested in marrying her.
She is very sweet, kind, caring, and we have alot of shared interests. She was easy to talk to but I also didn’t feel uncomfortable being quiet around her. I didn’t feel as though I had to entertain her.
Having been married almost 7 years and together for 9, I love her more and more.
I would say she is conventionally attractive to your question. I think most people would look at her and think she is good looking. I find her extremely pretty and I have yet to stop marveling over how pretty she is and how attractive I find her.
So, the answer to your question is complicated. I would not have stayed with my wife just for her looks but I also would not have gotten with her if I didn’t find her attractive and I have found her to be only more and more attractive as we spend the years together. It definitely helps keep the physical aspect of our relationship alive.
But, I don’t know how much of that growing attraction is due to my love for her or just that she is very beautiful. All I know is that I love everything about her and wouldn’t change a thing, even the things that have caused us to clash sometimes.
>because ive seen lots of guys trying for that and getting respected by other ppl just cuz they have extremely pretty partners.
Regarding this clarification, this wasn’t my primary motive but many of my guy friends will go out of their way to note how my wife is way better looking than me. It gets kind of annoying after awhile though. Like, I get it, I am not super good looking. Nothing I can do about it.
Luckily for me, I won’t have to worry about this for a while. My wife is so pretty. I also find her about 10× more attractive now than I did when we first started dating. Knowing that I know her better than anyone, and I get to see things and know things about her that no one else does. Some of them are sexy things (my wife could be the poster child for r/biggerthanyoutgought), silly things like laughing together until we fart, and all kinds of intimate, emotional things.
To be honest, I dont think i could ever not find her attractive.
I used to be married to a Chargers cheerleader. Left her on our second anniversary. She was a blast at parties and in bed. Absolutely awful to be around the rest of the time.
Now, my wife is pretty, but not a cheerleader. She’s also an awesome human who makes me feel much more attracted to her than anyone has before.
Take that for what it’s worth.
Personality is so much more important than good looks – you’re looking for a partner who will love you, support you, take care of you, etc.
It’s a threshold, not scale.
It doesn’t. Once I’m in the relationship they’re pretty much the most attractive things on Earth.
I won’t play games where I have to worry about another man swooping in, so I never have to deal with any of those jealousy issues.
Looks fade, sex drives ebb and flow. Cooking skills only improve with age
That should sufficiently give my opinion on the matter
Makes a huge difference, but so few actually have the experience so you aren’t going to get a lot of first hand experiences.
I’m reminded of a quote from former pro golfer Lee Trevino. While being interviewed, a very attractive woman walked by and captured the male gaze in the area. After she walked away, Trevino turned to the person interviewing him and said, “Yeah, somebody somewhere is sick of that.” No matter how physically beautiful a woman is, in the end it doesn’t matter if you don’t get along or have common interests to build on. Are looks important? Absolutely. Are they everything? No.
Ultimately it always comes down to personal chemistry. Being pretty doesn’t make personal chemistry and personal chemistry enhances how you see someone.
I mean everyone has their own baseline standard for attractiveness. I wouldn’t consider dating someone that didn’t meet that bar in the first place no matter how nice they are.
Granted, plenty of people have to make do with that bar being lower than they’d otherwise prefer because they don’t have the sauce to pull a more attractive person, whether it be their own appearance, personality, or financial success. Those folks end up settling instead and probably place a higher value on personality as a result.
Depends guy to guy! My wife is extremely hot – when we met she could have been Barbara Eden’s twin. And she is laid back, fun, and nice. We been together 28 years – she’s still hot, and its nice to be out with a woman that can still turn some heads. Fun and nice and laid back though are the real deal – hotness is a bonus.
These kinds of questions are so goofy, most men are attracted to their partners and would consider the them hot or pretty, even when many others would not.
i’ll say that it mattered a lot more after she left lmfao
I remember I was in atlantic city with a knock out looking girlfriend. We were walking in the casino and she went to go to the bathroom. Guy next to me said wow it must be so great to have such a good looking woman. I said no not really. He commented something like for every gorgeous woman somewhere the is a guy who is tired of sleeping with her. I said not really because I had enough of her shit as was thinking of breaking up with her. And I did a few weeks later. My wife is very pretty, not as much as that girl but she is 10 times more because I get along with her.
I would say as long as theyre healthy, if they gain so much weight they have trouble with daily tasks and cant fit into booths, cars, airplanes then its a problem
I learned very quickly that a freaky five bears a terrible ten every time
A lot of the girls I thought were hotties when I was in my 20’s look busted AF now… some age well but you’re unlikely to know how that goes. Top priority is to find one with their shit together who is easy to live with.
Another way to think of it is when you go shopping for something based on looks alone, a gaming computer let’s say, you can find the one that has the most flashy lights and sick decals and shit on it. But it’s probably not the best one. The best one is the one that looks a little bit boring but is made of quality parts and will last a lot longer. It’s not to say you can’t get ones that achieve both but the first thing to look for is the quality internals not the flashy shit on the outside.
It’s only fun until the sex is done then it’s right back to contempt lol
My wife’s looks attractive to me. Everything else kept me. But no I don’t think looks matter in the long run. Need evidence? Why can’t all these beautiful models, celebrities etc keep a man. If looks kept men then they should be keeping their man.
Every cute girl has at least one dude in her life that is absolutely sick of her bullshit
It matters less the older you get.
Tommy Lee quote I watched in an interview. “No matter how hot she is, there’s a guy out there sick of fucking her and putting up with her shit!” Don’t shoot the messenger.
Had a girlfriend once that damn near every guy in a very tiny part of town was attracted to, she only liked me. Thought at the time I was very lucky to have such a beautiful girl only like me. 10 months of a relationship later and I realized just how ugly she was as a person. It was a very abusive relationship with her physically, mentally, and emotionally abusing me daily. She eventually left me and when I saw her last year to get my stuff back she basically made fun of my trauma the whole time, and called me a loser for the job I was working. Ironically, 5 months ago she was hired at my current job and is not nearly as attractive looking as she once was. So the moral of this long story is she can be drop dead gorgeous but if she’s a awful human it does not matter. For reference my first girlfriend a lot of people didn’t find to be very attractive (I disagreed of course) but as a person she was 100x the woman that one would ever even hope to be.
If you have chemistry in terms of personality, interests, instincts, a physical 5-6-7-8 or 9 will become a 10. Or a 12 even
If you dont have the above, a physical 10 will not remain a 10 after you’ve played the horizontal (or vertical, or 90-degrees) dance for a while. And the sex will not be a 10 to begin with… a lot of it is mental after all.
If you have the mental chemistry, but physical attraction is lacking on either side… save yourself some time and just be friends
My GF and I met in our 40s and I’ve always thought she’s just about the hottest thing going. But what helps is that I am in love with her personality and the tremendous heart she has. That combination is breathtaking to me. I just adore her and one of the ways I appreciate that is by just beholding how devastatingly beautiful I find her.
It’s my birthday today, and just as she has been for the last 9 birthdays, she’s the best gift I got this year.
My wife is girl next door pretty. She had gained weight but has lost over 60+ lbs since last year and is going back to that look. Her weight fluctuation never really mattered to me except for the health part. I get why people say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder because what I may find attractive, doesn’t necessarily mean others do. My wife is tattooed up with an attitude like a Bronx girl. I love my foul mouthed tattooed wife that can hit like a ton of bricks. Other men may not like that.
My point is, it doesn’t matter as long as you like what you see. I prefer to die by snu snu. Others do not. YMMV.
Having a partner who’s too attractive can cause problems.
It’s very easy for them to meet others. Depending on how aggressive your fellow men are in your country, this can be a problem.
Married to a pretty woman now for 20+ years. Never tire of it, always proud to have on my arm and understand why men hit on her. She’s beautiful but it’s her heart-mind is why I love her.
Her looks attracted me initially. Her personality kept me. I’ve had the pleasure of enjoying both for more than four decades.
She doesn’t physically look the same as when we met (Neither do I!), but I find her to be an attractive woman.
So, yes, I still enjoy having an attractive wife. The thing is, she’ll likely always be attractive to me, regardless of age.
There was a study a while back where they asked men to rank the first 5 qualities they want in a wife. 1. I find her attractive. and 3. was other men find her attractive. Women are like cars to men. They want something to show off to their male friends. Men care infinitely more about male validation than anything else.
Intelligence, character, sense of humor, worldview, interests, empathy, self-awareness, attractiveness is a variable. Mis-matches at 20 can be divorces at 22.
Emotional maturity is revealed by dating preferences. But when you’re an old codger sick in bed with a fever, who’s gonna get your cold drink or bowl of soup?
I’ll take character and intelligence over superficial beauty.
Looks fade. If you want a genuine happy relationship you need to love their personality and character. Not saying get with a woman you think is ugly but looks isn’t the most important thing.
Her looks won’t matter after a while, I’m talking less than 2 years. That novelty wore off years ago anyways. Try dating women for their personality and you will come to love their appearance through love. I wish I knew that years ago, would have saved me a lot of pain and time.
I was married to a beautiful woman for 7 years. Half German half Cherokee. 5’10”. Wore her hair short which really went well with her high cheeks. Looked like a taller, slightly thicker, tad prettier Morena Baccarin.
I got divorced.
Then I dated an average- to a bit below-average-looking woman for a long time.
Here are the differences: People treat beautiful people better. Just in general. So even though I am average-looking, when I had a smoking hot wife, we as a couple got treated better. More invites to events. Favors done. I benefited individually as well. I was treated better at work. People who knew us both were nicer to me even when she wasn’t around. I guess I was the guy who could pull a gorgeous wife so that boosted my esteem in others’ eyes somehow.
On top of that, it was a big self-esteem boost as well. I was more confident. I felt better about myself. I had achieved something that most men only aspire to.
It does always make a difference
It really mattered.
Opposite. The more I date her the prettier she seems, though I think this supports your main point that it doesn’t matter. My previous ex was not very pretty, but while we were together she seemed like a 9.
I would be curious to know if you are man or woman? I’ve heard that it’s common for women to stop finding their men attractive after a while.
I’ve dated models and other beautiful kind of women, most of them were troubled by looks in a bizarre, personality-destroying way.
I looked for a woman that was thoughtful, intentional, and heart open to love, and that’s how I decided she was gonna be my partner
Regarding your edit…
Some relationship thoughts overall in addition to having a sexual bond and spark that will survive time:
This is what I’ve told my children are minimums to get married. There are LOTS of other factors, but these essentials have to be there. If the answers to any of these are negative, you have to reconsider a long-term relationship.