As the title says, I’m struggling with my middle child’s eating habits. My 15 year old daughter is very into health and fitness. She’s an aspiring track athlete who runs on our treadmill every day for 40 minutes to an hour and occasionally lifts weights. Because of this, I understand why her appetite has increased.
The issue is that her eating is starting to impact the rest of the family. My oldest (19M) and youngest (10F) have both complained to me separately that she’s eating most of the food they enjoy. I’ve noticed it too. Any fresh fruit I buy is gone the same day, and treats disappear just as quickly. It’s gotten to the point where I’m frustrated as well. Ingredients I’ve set aside for dinner end up missing, forcing me to substitute or make a completely different meal.
We spend around $900 on groceries every two weeks. To make things fair, I have a system where each child can request five items they’d like me to buy. My oldest and youngest always give me their lists, but my middle child constantly forgets despite my reminders. Youngest and oldest are disappointed when they open the fridge to find their items gone, or very little left.
I’ve already had a conversation with her, asking her to think about her siblings when she eats and to consider how she’d feel in their shoes. She didn’t make an effort to improve. She also tends to serve herself first at dinner to get the biggest portion, leaving less for everyone else. I tried pre portioning plates and setting them on the table, which helped somewhat.
I’m at a loss. I buy more than enough food for our family, but lately I’m spending even more, which isn’t in our budget. I don’t want anyone to go hungry, but I’m not sure what else to do to keep things fair for everyone. Is there something I should be doing differently? A system I should set up?
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Lol, sounds like a real food fiesta at your place! 😅 I get it, it’s tough. IMO, you should switch up your system a bit. Try designating specific shelves in the fridge/pantry for each kid. Each has their own stash from the stuff they requested. Middle child forgets her list? She gets whatever is left. It’s all about setting boundaries my friend! Could work out, can’t say for sure, but worth a shot? 🤔 Also, I mean, if she’s running that much, she needs the fuel, right, but not HOGGIN’ the whole supply, lmao. 🏃♀️🍽️ Good luck, dude. 🍀 And also props to you for dealing with this wild tribe, parenting ain‘t easy! 👍👊.
She also tends to serve herself first at dinner to get the biggest portion, leaving less for everyone else.
Are you making enough food for her given her higher caloric needs? When I was an athlete in high school I calculated that I needed at least 4000 calories a day to compensate for what I was loosing during practice.
Two problems here. The first she needs larger portions of food at meals. You need to start making more food or adding some sides to make sure she’s getting enough to eat.
The second problem– the snacks. She doesn’t take the time to write her snacks on the list and then STEALS her siblings snacks. That very selfish and she needs to be repeatedly called out on that. Come up with 5 “generic” snacks for her (not her favorites but adequate and nutritional). If she fails to make the list purchase those for her snacks.
Sit her down and explain that stealing her siblings snacks can’t happen anymore. Find a way to tie consequences to that behavior. If you steal your siblings snacks then I’ll be replacing them out of your allowance. If it continues I’ll by them each a lockbox out of your allowance to keep you from stealing them.
Honestly, sounds like u need a fam meeting ASAP. Let ’em all know what’s up, even the 10y/o. Explain the budget part 2, cuz $$ doesn’t grow on trees, amirite? And honestly, it might be a good idea for your middle kid to chip in if she’s eating more. She’s 15, probs time she gets a small pt job anyway. Teach her some responsibility and stuff. GL, fam probs r tough but u’ll figure it out! 💪🙂%timeout
You said “I buy more than enough food” but everything in your post indicates all three of your kids (for different reasons) are not getting enough food. I think you need to just buy more food. Unless something is going to go bad, get some extras. And your 19yo needs to be responsible for their own snacks etc.
As for the snack issue I’d consider getting each kid one of those lockboxes for fridge and pantry so that they need a code to get in and it can’t be stolen by the other siblings unless they share their codes
Since she eats her siblings’ snacks, you can buy more of those to use as her 5 when she doesn’t give you her list. Does she actually like snacks, or would increasing her meal & fruit portions take away from her desire to snack? If so, you could get one snack for her & use the $ from the other 4 snacks to add more regular food.
She shouldn’t be allowed to serve herself first, especially if she’s not leaving enough for everyone else. She may truly need more food, but that isn’t an excuse to leave her family with less, to steal, and to not write her list. Consequences, as someone else mentioned.
Look into volume eating and see how you can make your budget work for her increased needs.
You need to sit down w her and make a plan. Pick 10 snacks she likes and buy her 5 each week. Then ahe doesnt have to pick every week. Put them in a container for her. Ask her how she wants to up her calories- bagels w PB, protein shakes, an extra pasta side dish w meals. I’m a Mom too and sometimes we have to change the system if its not working. She needs the food, so make a plan that works and restrict her to the plan.
Sit down with her and have her create a regular order for her snacks, and use that every week unless she revises it. Then label your other kids’ snacks, or put them in their rooms.
Finally: build a “neutral” snack stash – not belonging to any one kid – where if your daughter is hungry she can always consistently find food she is willing to eat, but that the other kids will eat too. (Peanut butter and crackers? Protein bars? Mixed nuts? Whatever it is, make sure your hungriest kid will eat it.) Make a rule that she can first eat her snacks, and second the neutral/shared snacks, and then she must speak to you and ask for an option but she cannot eat her siblings’ food.
At the very least, add an extra couple of loaves of bread and PB&J to your grocery order, presuming she’ll fix and eat a sandwich for herself.
Absolutely not acceptable. She can serve herself the same size portion as everyone else and get some after everyone is served. She should not be allowed to take her sibling’s snacks.
She’s your kid and needs to be fed to maintain her healthy lifestyle. Now that you’ve seen how much she eats on a daily basis, BUY ENOUGH! Also, go over the grocery list with her and make her think through everything that she eats, including snacks. If it were my kid, I’d label a box for her food in the fridge and on the counter. Tell her she can only eat what’s in her boxes, and if it’s not enough, she needs to talk to you and ask what else she can have or if you can bring home something more.
” I buy more than enough food for our family”
Except you don’t.
I’d tell her to eat more protein to fill her up. Snacks, chips and things like that are not going to do anything for her.
Stealing other kids snacks is an issue to deal with – as others have outlined.
But also, with the food budget being an issue – lay off buying prepared snacks and teach your kids how to create their own from less expensive ingredients. It’ll help them and you in the long run. Buy veg in bulk and have them help to wash and chop for the week. Make your own humus, dressings, etc to go with the veg (and by this I mean you learn/teach your kids to do this). Provide as much fresh fruits and veg as she is willing to eat, because if she is craving that her body needs it. Give her a double portion of protein at dinner if necessary.
If you can’t afford to feed an athlete and/or that athlete won’t take any responsibility, then 15yo needs to drop track. That’s harsh, but it’s the truth. You’ve given her multiple chances to request snacks and multiple warnings about taking food without asking first. Now she needs consequences.
Designate sections of the pantry and fridge for each child, and for your ingredients to make meals. Or get a sharpie and write names on the food. If she eats anyone else’s food without asking, then there are consequences. Whatever you think is appropriate – less allowance, she has to give up one of her 5 requests the next time you shop, she has to clean the garage, etc.
She should use her shopping requests to support her athletics, if that’s what’s important to her, such as requesting protein powder and calorie dense foods, if that’s what she needs, not treats. She could request things like a bag of beans and a bag of rice, or a loaf of bread and jar of peanut butter, and make some cheap food for herself that she can eat when family meals aren’t enough.
Stop allowing her to serve herself first. Continue to portion out the food.
If you haven’t already, maybe change grocery stores and find one that’s cheaper, buy store brands, join the store’s club and get emailed discounts and sales, base your family meals on what’s for sale that week, and look up some cheap nutritional meals on YouTube and recipe sites.
You’re pretty clearly not buying enough food. Teenagers eat like locusts and her being a very active athlete just adds to that. Fruits and vegetables are healthy and relatively inexpensive. If the fresh fruit you buy is gone in a day, then clearly you’re not buying enough.
Divide up all the snacks per each kid. If it is just in the fridge it is kind of just up for grabs. But if you somehow separate it or divide it into containers it is more clear and then she is actually stealing from them. And with dinner ingredients. Make it clear what is available and what is not. Then if she is still taking what she should not she gets some kind of punishment.
But if she is still hungry and it is not in your budget… not sure what to do there. Find something cheap but still good for you that she can add to mean or eat that will make her food last longer?
She needs to be taught that she doesn’t have more right to food than anyone else. What you buy for your other two children from their list should be off-limits. And when you sit down to dinner, she should not be allowed to serve herself first and take a heaping portion. If she’s 15 years old, the window may have closed for being able to teach her respect and etiquette. One of the universal rules of etiquette is not hoarding food, and if she does that anywhere else she’s going to be corrected by peers pretty fast. So when you all sit down at the table, you start each dish being passed around. And when it comes to her, you should instruct her to take a normal portion, then if there’s food remaining after everyone is served, she can have seconds. And you might need to consider cooking more food if there’s not enough to go around at dinner. You may not be able to make her behave respectfully everywhere else, but you can certainly put stop to it in your own home. You have to put your foot down. You are the parent it’s your job. And she really needs to learn etiquette at home, or it will limit her socially and professionally when she is older
The problem is your not feeding her enough at meals so she’s eating more snacks. Your 19 year old can buy their own snacks if you’re struggling financially that badly, because they are an adult. If your 19 year old can’t afford food, have them apply for their own food stamps to ease the burden on the family.
The problem is not that your daughter eats too much snacks, but that you aren’t feeding her adequately enough at meals for the high physical lifestyle she’s doing, so she’s still hungry & has to eat more snacks. Her meal sizes may need to be 2-4x the regular portion with higher protein intake than the rest of you. Athletes can need to eat 2-4x a regular calorie intake for their size to maintain their health.
Get each kid a bin for their snacks. Lockable ones, preferably. Problem solved.
Try using chatcgp to see if it can help you to get more food within budget. Sounds like she does need more food or more nourishing food. I find that snacks are often empty calories but idk what they choose. Consider diverting the snack money towards more foods that keep you full. We do plain Greek yogurt with fruit or peanut butter bananas. Add beans. Have the siblings keep things in their rooms if the snacks won’t go bad. Have a family meeting to ask her if she can help to problem solve and see if you guys can figure out how much is the appropriate amount of food and what keeps her fuller
My daughter is a runner and so are her friends and 4 of them ate 2lbs of macaroni and cheese, plus 2 subs and 2 pizzas, 4 bags of chips, a bag of baby carrots, a tub of hummus, 2 oranges, a pint of blue berries, a pint of raspberries, 2lbs of strawberries, and half a head of lettuce. This was in 4 hours. The next day they ate 4 muffins, half a loaf of vanilla pound cake, 2 bags of mini donuts, 3 apples, a cucumber, more baby carrots 6 hotdogs, and a bag of chips. It was crazy to me. They can end up eating a lot of food
You need to provide more food that is satiating and nutrient-dense. These can also be made and frozen into containers.
Do u have a crock pot? Keep a crockpot of some sort of bean soup going all the time. You can vary it by the spice profile or protein easily.
Smoke sausage and onion goes with any bean type.
Ham steak and onion and 13 bean soup mix.
Chicken and mushrooms with white beans. Add celery and spices you like.
Lentils and Indian spices.
I’d also consider looking at food banks. Groceries can be expensive and if you have a need for it don’t be ashamed to look for help.
I suggest go down to two or three different snacks for each child, five each is a lot and expensive. Buy the snacks weekly, do not replace if they eat them all in one day. Maybe get them each a small lockable box they each get a key for and you keep the other key. Their snacks go into their labeled box. If they have their own rooms you might consider allowing them to keep that box in their room, or even a mini-fridge. I bought my daughter a used one for $60 to use in her college dorm.
Also, if your 15yr old isn’t making a snack list, don’t buy her snacks that week.
Now for the main problem, feeding her enough. Make sure she is getting enough food for the amount of energy she is using daily. Maybe encourage her to make pre-planned meals, with your help if she doesn’t have cooking skills, and she can store them in plastic containers. You can buy a stack of them for very cheap at most grocery stores in the US.
This way she can have meals already made for the week on Sunday that she can eat plus whatever you make for family meals.
I’d make her a baked potato with every meal and extra bread even if it just sandwiches bread n butter, make pasta which is cheaper n keep a big bowl with sauce of some sort, then big bag of apples, n peanut butter n jelly, that’s the extra she eats, if she doesn’t ask for anything she doesn’t take her siblings and you’ll get rid of the tread mill if she can’t act right !
You need to get her into therapy and consult a nutritionist. Growing kids eat a lot, especially athletes. That’s no surprise. But something has to change. She isn’t being fed properly if she is that ravenous. A nutritionist will be able to set a complete and balanced diet plan that will help her maintain calories and stay satisfied. The therapy is needed because she is selfish and doesn’t care. That has to come from somewhere and she needs to nip that in the bud before she damages her relationship with her siblings more than she has.
You are also failing your other kids here, op. If she doesn’t make a list, she doesn’t get special treats. How is that a hard concept to enforce? My parents did that. We got less treats less often, but still. If we didn’t ask, we got nothing. If we stole from each other we got in trouble. The rule was the food in the house was for everyone, but the treats were only for who they are bought for. Unless it was our parent’s treats because that was fair game, sorry mom and dad lol.
Does she have a coach or someone you can talk to about her nutritional requirements so you’re getting that right?
Outside of that she shouldn’t be touching her siblings stuff.
Buy them individual snack boxes.
Put their stuff in their own box.
Tell her not to touch theirs.
Punish her if she does
While your daughter sounds healthy, please check with your pediatrician about the amount of time she is exercising. Next, she needs more protein snacks. Buy some high quality meal replacements/protein shakes or mix for her to use. Be clear those are for her. Next, if you have a small separate fridge, put the snacks for the siblings there and lock it.
That is also a great deal of money for food, she shouldn’t have soft drinks, kool aid and popcorn good snack, buy off brands, store brand chip are as good as name brands the same with ice cream, 3 kids are a lot to feed good luck
How the hell are you spending $900 every two weeks and not having enough food? I spend way less than half that for a family of 5, and we still have leftovers.
I really hate that a lot of people’s advice to you on this is BUY MORE FOOD YOU’RE NOT BUYING ENOUGH FOOD cuz it’s that simple right?
Food may grow on trees but money doesn’t and you need money to buy the food from the people who own the trees.
I think you need to place a stricter system on the snacks, if snacks were requested by a specific child that’s THEIR food.
If she eats that food she’s grounded, there needs to be consequences for her actions.
But we realize she’s doing this cuz she’s hungry (and maybe a bit ditzy since she can’t remember to request her own). I’d suggest getting her more filling foods, since she’s working out so much I’d suggest protein shakes and bars, they’ll help her muscles recover better as well!
And a lot of weight lifters swear by lots of chicken and rice!
Hope things work out.
Buy more food? You dont buy enough if you run out. Welcome to teenagers.
If it’s not just snacking and she is serving herself a larger portion of a normal dinner food and eating it without complaints, then she is most likely not getting enough food and genuinely feels hungry. If she is a teenage athlete that is constantly moving, then yes, her caloric needs most likely will be higher than an adult’s. I’d legit suggest making another portion for lunch/dinner and set it up with her name, so if she is still hungry, she can have another proper meal instead of eating everyone else’s snacks or depriving the rest of the family at dinner.
I’d recommend speaking to a sports nutritionist to check that your daughter is eating properly for her needs. She is burning a lot of calories through adolescent growth and her sport/fitness activities.
Lean protein is needed to build muscle, and a variety of fast and slow carbs. Protein will fill her up more, and can come from pea protein, lentils, etc. Building in thick, nutritional lentil-based soups as a starter will help fill her up and sustain her. Snacks like hummus with lentil chips or omelette with wilted spinach will be healthy enough for when she gets in from school.
Separately, others have also raised the issue of her stealing her siblings’ snacks. This is not acceptable. She doesn’t choose a snack? She can have an apple. Right now it doesn’t sound like there are any consequences for her stealing from her siblings or taking food with impunity.
At fifteen, and as an aspiring athlete, she is old enough to be part of figuring out her calorie needs and pre-planning food. She should also be helping with the cooking.
I feel like everyone is just complaining you don’t buy enough food. You already said you spend $900 every two weeks, maybe you can’t afford an extra amount spent just to feed her? Maybe you shouldn’t have to take extra time just to make her extra food or a separate side dish?
I think the best solutions have been that the siblings get their own lock boxes, make her a generic list of snacks she will eat when she doesn’t supply a list, and introducing her to ramen noodles lol
No, they are not the healthiest. But, they are so cheap and filling and something she can eat between meals, and she can make them herself.
Good luck!
Is there any reason you can’t buy, say, twice as much fruit and requested snacks?
Ethnic groceries often have a better price on produce than the mainstream supermarket. Snacks can be bought in bulk.
Just as an example my grandson age 23 and 20 when they visit us ( grandparents) , first thing they open my fridge to see what they can eat. I always say don’t they feed u at home?, however I know they do , but they are always hungry, most of the time they visit by bicycling , and yes it’s a long ride , so they are hungry
I always make sure I have food for them, even my son does that,
She needs more food, all the groups and double meat and dairy. She may need to go to 4 meals a day.
She needs to be eating a more protein heavy diet that will keep her feeling for longer with fibre
Is she battling an eating disorder? Sounds like she is binging and exercising it off…I don’t know much about these, but would be concerned and have her be seen by a doctor to check in out.
When my uncle lived with us this was an issue. I got a mini fridge of market place for 100$ and stored my stuff there. We would also label and if he ate it my dad made him buy it that night
Is it summer where you are? Are the kids out of school right now? I feel like during summer break a lot of people have to increase their grocery budget since everyone is home a lot more. Is she eating more because the food is there and she’s bored and hungry also?
Is your daughter showing any signs of bulimia?
The food intake and amount of treadmill time sound like potential abnormal behaviors for that age, even for an aspiring track athlete. I don’t have any advice, just something you might want to think about.
Let your other 2 kids keep their snacks private. Middle child will remember to write out a list when she can’t take food from your other kids.
First off, you are buying food that’s too expensive. I could feed a family of 10 on $450 a week. Get cheaper brands and options.
Also, she is 15 and possibly still growing. Unless she is rapidly gaining weight, she is not getting enough food. You need to start making more at dinner and buying more snacks. Maybe let your other kids start labelling their own snacks so she won’t eat them, but make sure she has enough of her own. And STOP food shaming her. She is young and impressionable and deserves to not have shame around eating.
You’re clearly not buying more than enough food for your family if they’re all still hungry. You need to start buying more food, period. Also stop letting her get away with taking other people’s food.
My mima literally locked the cabinets so my mom’s brothers would not eat them out of house and home. I think u/Dependent-Maybe3030 made a really great reply but it might come to physically barring her from eating the foods reserved for others.
Her forgetting to make the list might be a sign of ADHD. Does she struggle with memory or focus in general?
Buy big bags of potatoes and dried beans. These are cheap. They can also be filling. It is easy to make homemade hummus, for example. Teach all of your children to cook. You could fix big pots of beans for your daughter to eat as a snack.
OP doesn’t buy enough food and then blames her kid. Buy. More. Food. More fruit. More protein. More everything
Do you have a Costco Membership? Buying in bulk can really help with a family of that size. Also snacks and prepackaged items cost a lot more than raw ingredients.
I agree with a couple other posters who said to keep more meals available and less snacks. They’re healthy, cheaper and more filling.
Hello, I am a certified personal trainer. I just want to give some examples of easy, calorically dense foods that she can prepare on her own. These helped me when I was a cross country athlete in high school and needed to eat a lot.
-peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
-lean deli meat and cheese sandwiches
-premade protein shakes like Premier or Fairlife that you can sip during class
-chocolate milk (my favorite post workout)
-hard boiled eggs
-Trail mix
-Kodiak products – protein pancakes, oatmeal, muffins, etc
-Greek yogurt with fruit and granola
-wrap turkey or ham around a string cheese
It may be worth getting in touch with a nutritionist who specializes in youth athletes, that can help your daughter specifically. Feel free to dm me with ant questions
You need to be able to put food up that she knows she can’t eat. She is 15 not 5. If she eats it she is punished no phone or no track.
Get her some protein powder and have her start making protein shakes in between meals and snacks, but most importantly, after working out.
If she wants to be an athlete, that’s amazing, but she needs to learn about how athletes recover and that doesn’t include eating everyone else’s snacks. There are ways to help with the insatiable hunger you get after intense exercise and it involves alot of protein.
First of all, if she can’t control herself around her siblings snacks, get them a locked container that she doesn’t have a key to. She needs discipline for breaking the rules. Athletes have a way of thinking they come first because of their commitment to their training, which can be seen as self serving to others and not to themselves. Discuss this with your daughter and don’t let her developer that ego.
Your daughter needs more protein and calories, not snacks. If she’s gonna be serious about her diet like this, then she better go all the way with it and not use it just to get what’s he wants. Follow bodybuilding or athletic diets. They’re usually very strict about snacking, especially sugary snacks.
You need a cheap filling snack for her. The answer is a large container of oatmeal. If she gets hungry, eat some oatmeal. It’s cheap, filling, full of fiber and protein and you can add things to it as well.
Take the 15-year-old grocery shopping with you so she can help to choose the foods that fuel her best. Get her (and the other kids) involved with meal prep, and assign each of them a lockbox for their own snacks.
Potatoes, rice and beans
First, you need to ensure your middle daughter is getting the calories she needs. Her metabolism is a furnace right now. A track athlete can put away an amazing amount of food and remain rail thin. My son is in cross country.
Second, you need to teach her not to take other people’s things, including their food. Start by getting a locked food box on Amazon. They’re common for roommate situations. Give the key or combo to your other 2 children, and tell your middle that until she stops stealing their food, their food stays locked. She needs to learn this NOW, before she turns 18, goes to college, and has roommates.
Tell your daughter that if she won’t tell you what snacks she wants, then you’ll guess what you think she’ll like, and that will be the food that’s available. The rest will be locked up. If she eats that, and is still hungry, then you need to provide more food. It’s getting expensive, so try alternatives to get produce, like local farmers markets, local farms direct, or even finding neighbors with over flowing fruit trees.
If your daughter serves herself food, eats everything on her plate, but is still track athlete thin, and there is not enough food left for everyone else to eat their fill, then you need to make more food. Bottom line, you are not really buying more than enough food for your family if she’s not overweight, and everyone else is hungry. You may want to look into less processed food, and more whole foods to make her feel full. Leave out carrots, hummus, zucchini. It’s still summer, so people who grow zucchini should be up to their ears in it. Buy lots of pasta at Costco, if you live in the US, or in bulk anywhere you live. Make pasta casseroles for her to snack on, with veggies, like Greek pasta casserole, or chicken pesto farfalle. Raw veggies provide fiber to make her full, but she’s going to need a lot of calories to get through those workouts.
Edited to add – there are also protein shakes, and supplements to consider.
Stickers on food. Red means “this is for a meal” food for a particular person only: blue for child 1, green for child 2, yellow for child 3, purple for mom and dad. Any food without a sticker is fair game. Perhaps persuade the middle child to go to the shop with you to pick stuff out and the. They’ll see how expensive some foods are.
Also buy frozen fruit – it’s much cheaper and a good back up for if all the fresh is gone. Goes nicely on cereal/granola/other breakfasts and on ice cream, can be blended for smoothies etc etc.
She shouldn’t be eating all the treats and fruit. It’s because she’s ravenous. At that level of training plus she’s growing she needs better nutritional profile.
Invest in a dietician or nutritionist through your health insurance. She is probably starved of protein and complex carbs.
That way she has HER food and HER treats.
In the meantime if she’s forgetting to add her treats assume she will eat theirs so buy her some ANYWAY.
Side note: may be neurodiverse and dopamine seeking if she’s treat-forward but would need more info. Just something to consider investigating and ruling in or out.
I haven’t read all of the many many comments, but if no one else has said so — please make sure she doesn’t have an eating disorder and that she isn’t binging and purging …
I think if you bring the food issue in, it may change her idea of food and she could end up with an eating disorder. The bigger issue you make could contribute to it. Get her the same food and snacks as her sisters. I see this already being an issue. Is she eating the food or hoarding it? 14 is a vulnerable age. I suggest family therapy. This is just my opinion.
The kids are hungry as hell. Athletes need a lot of calories, more than your husband working a manual labor job. She needs more than a chicken breast lol.
The 19 year old needs a job and should be buying their own snacks. At 16, when I worked, I was buying my own indulgences. No reason a 19 year old isn’t contributing to their own expenses.
As a person with a history of eating disorder my red flags are kind of flying. Doesn’t have to be one but purging comes to mind.
I have to shop at warehouse clubs. It is cheaper and I get larger quantities. I spend similarly to you, maybe even less, i am around $375/week with four kids, two are teens. They eat a lot, I can buy a pack of 42 high protein granola bars for $14. One box of 8 is $7 at our local grocery store. I get a big container of tomatoes for $6, you get 1/3 of it for the same price at our local grocery store, just as examples.
If I shop at the local grocery store I’d easily spend twice as much.
You need more food. She needs the calories and so do they. Rationing food isn’t the solution. Get a huge bag of trail mix, protein bars, bagged salads, etc.
My kids especially love the baby carrots and little hummus cups at Costco. The chick pea puffs are a big hit too!
Fiber & protein keep you feeling full longer. Hit up food banks.
If you’re doing all the things, maybe check on her overall health. Does she get annual physical exams? Is she due for one? How’s her thyroid? Does she seem like she’s got a lot of stress?
Keep stuff to make loaded baked potatoes and tortellini salad around.. both are affordable and can be added to almost any meal or alone as a snack. They are great options for an active person.
Just make a giant batch of tortellini salad with any random veggies you have around twice a week. I usually do cherry tomatoes, broccoli, bell pepper, olives, spinach or any combination of those. Stays good for 3-5 days in the fridge.
Blowing your budget on packaged pricey snacks might be the error you are making here. I would bet that’s it. Snacks are the problem both nutritionally and budgetarily.
You need to buy REAL actual food that if you gave it to someone two centuries ago they would instantly recognize it. And frankly the snack food companies prey on poor nutritional knowledge and pump out high sugar low glycemic index foods with fake fiber whey protein that can’t be absorbed that costs too much. And then you have hungry malnourished people.
$900 every two weeks is insane… There’s absolutely no way you were not buying enough food with almost $1800 a month.
Maybe set up a snack bin for each child, Day everything else is off limits except pb&j or cereal.
I would put all of the other children’s food into a separate container and tell her she’s not to touch and stop serving her first. Sounds like you have a large healthy supply of food available all the children should be able to enjoy it. If she feels she’s been shorted tell her to make a list this is very unfair to the others.
May be helpful to get her connected with a registered dietitian to ensure she is getting what she actually needs. Food intake can be a tricky issue and kids her age are prone to developing disordered eating.
Regardless, she needs to learn boundaries and discipline. Her poor planning and prioritization should not be taken out on the siblings.
This is not an eating habit problem, it’s a manners and etiquette problem. Regardless of appetite, you do not serve yourself first AND take more than your fair portion before anyone else has eaten. Second, you don’t eat other people’s food or eat all of something when it’s brand new. If she can’t be bothered to make her list, she doesn’t eat anything but community food and there needs to be consequences if she takes other people’s stuff or more than her share. She’s 15, not 5.
This is not going to bode well for her as an adult living in a shared space or using a shared fridge at work.
Let the kids keep the treats and snacks from their lists in their room, in a box that locks with a key, they can keep the key on them.
When I was a kid I had to hide my babysitting money from my brother because he would steal it and I had no proof. So I bought a cheap little travel suitcase at a yard sale and put my bike lock on it. I kept it under my bed.
It does sound like she is hungry, if she is eating large portions at meals though. You might want to get her a check up with her doctor and maybe even a nutritionist or dietitian.
Make a list of candidate items and print it out and every week ask your middle child to circle what she wants then buy extra of the things that disappear fast. It’s a pain but she’s 15. You should talk to her about her manners, though. Super inconsiderate to race to dinner to take the biggest portion.
So I was the child of parents who “bought more than enough food”. They did not. My brother was an athlete and DEVOURED everything and they just turned a blind eye to me being without food. There were so many nights I didn’t have enough to eat, never mind snacks because those were non-existent after be tore through the kitchen. They refused to listen and insisted we had food
You need to get somewhere safe the siblings can store their special snacks. A lockbox or a mini fridge. Their sister has shown she doesn’t care about their being able to eat or respecting their food and you are enabling her by not having stopped this before
I would recomend you start meal prepping for your athlete daughter or giving her the tools to do so herself. It needs to be made very clear that she is not going to continue to be allowed to take food out of everyone else’s mouths. Work with her doctor to come up with what nutritional needs she has and build a meal plan to meet them
Get a Costco membership!!
it might not be a system and it might not necessarily be “more” food but maybe you really need to look at what types of food you’re buying and make sure you have the right amount of nutritional content. if shes burning tons of calories you need to factor that she may need double what you think is typical daily necessity. if you’re not making enough for her to consume at least 3,000 calories per day you’re not making enough food for her to eat and that’s why she’s behaving this way. you need to make sure your meals all have a protein component as well to help keep her full longer. even though track athletes need extra carbs for energy, they do need protein for muscle tone and that can sometimes be missed. as for snack stealing you need to put in some punishments for her stealing from her siblings that can’t continue. if she doesn’t give you a list, pick things for her and honestly you might want to make a higher energy snack for her or something. friend of mine said his mom used to always have some kind of pasta salad in the fridge for him during training seasons. pasta salads are great for runners. you can switch up what’s in them, they’re good hot or cold, and they’re filling if you use good quality ingredients and include some protein. if you make stuff like this your other kids can obviously eat it too and everyone’s happy. if not pasta salads, you can do hummus or other nutritionally dense dips but really everything should have sufficient protein and carbs to sustain her. homemade granola bars with less sugar and more good stuff in them are cheaper and more filling than the prepackaged crap. the monetary value you spend on groceries isn’t super helpful because prepared foods and packaged products sometimes offer smaller portions at a higher price. If you’re buying a lot of snacks this adds up. If budget is a concern, try looking at what your grocery bill actually consists of and see what you can modify. IE if there’s a lot of individually packaged snacks, soft drinks, prepared foods, what can you fix there that cuts costs and increases portions. instead of premade foods can you find some time on sundays to do some prep work for dinners? instead of individually packaged snacks can you buy something in bulk and then you portion them out or make something from scratch like the pasta salad idea and they can serve themselves those communal snacks? if you buy a lot of soft drinks maybe look into an alternative like crystal lite packets, or again buy in bulk. in any case aside from her stealing her siblings stuff the problem is most likely with your current practices not her eating and you just need to make the right changes.
Get her some protein powder and bars. After she runs, she can consume those, It will benefit her fitness wise and fill her. Protein yogurts are a great option as well.
It sounds like you may be projecting some orthorexia or distorted eating on to your children. You literally just made a post about your husband critiquing your weight and how you’ve always been petite and you seem really fixated on your child being fit and slim. It sounds like you are fixated on how much they eat, making food as lean and low calories as possible, and comparing their intake to adults. Are your children safe with you if they have to be stealing food from each other?
If her snack have no nutrition value then she’s hungry. She shouldn’t be eating empty calories. Take her to a nutritious
She is choosing to be selfish when stealing the items earmarked for her siblings. Take away things she enjoys (cell phone, gaming system, stop paying expenses for her track team) until she listens.
I agree that you’re not feeding your kids enough.
Other questions for you. What are your habits and feelings about food? How do you decide what foods you make for meals and how much to make? How do you think about portions for each person? Are there times where snacks and treats are permitted and times when they’re not?
If she’s eating their snacks she obviously likes them, so just buy more of what she’s currently taking as her 5. Make more dinner, if there isn’t enough for everyone to eat their desired portion then you’re obviously not making enough.
Just want to chime in that when I was a teenager I was absolutely ravenous at times, like I could eat the biggest meal at dinner and feel like my stomach was still empty (and I wasn’t even an athlete).
You will need to make more food unfortunately, if $1800 isn’t enough in a month then either better choices need to be made spending wise (whether that be shopping somewhere else, not buying name brand, etc) or the budget just needs to change for the time being.
Her behavior regarding the snacks is not excusable, I like others ideas about buying them their own snack or lock boxes, that way it’s her loss if she doesn’t give you her list of snacks, or just pick out generic protein snacks if she fails to provide you with one.
So as others have stated I would come up with five generic snacks to give her if she doesn’t give you a list and advise her that those are her snacks for the week. Now I also do think that maybe you guys should go see a nutritionist or at least start looking online to get an idea of what her nutrition should actually look like and what type of food she should be eating. This way she can have what she needs. I also think this will help her as she transitions from like high school into her early twenties. There are a lot of people I know who were heavy into sports and then once they got out of high school and weren’t doing them as much they completely wrecked their bodies and systems because they didn’t know how to eat properly without the sport and exercise they were doing. I think you can catch this early though by contacting a nutritionist and going in and seeing what works right now and what will work later.
Buy more food!!
If she’s health conscious a nutritionist consult is the way to go, getting the right fuel is important and will set her up for the future.
By 15 and 19 your kids can work out their own budgeting and shopping. You can buy the staples and essentials for the household and get the kids to buy their own extras and treats with an allowance. They can make sure their stuff is clearly labelled in containers and if she still pinches it then there’s a bigger problem.
Holy crap those are some insane grocery bills and I have all boys. I think I spend a quarter of that a month on groceries.
Rice cooker always going and more protein for her to fill up on. Have another conversation with her and educate her on how fruit and empty snacks will not keep her full or provide the muscle food she needs. Sit with her and make a list of high protein foods she likes and research with her the various ways she can make rice interesting to snack on. When you make meals, fix extra carbs and protein for her.
If she ignores you or argues; have a conversation about her reasons for being an athlete and research with her what nutritionists plan for real athletes to eat. It is an actual science, so if she is going to make it work, she needs to start doing it correctly. Once you get through the nutrition side, go to work on the thoughtless pig side.
She needs more food. She’s hungry. Sorry to hear about your financial struggles. Every family is different. But, I think you should keep extra snacks that everybody can access. Buy more fruit if that what everyone wants to eat. Rice is cheap. Make extra portions to help fill everybody up.
We have three in our family, one is a teenage boy, and I spend $300 per week on groceries. I think you’re going to have to rebalance your budget for four adults. Your 10 yo is getting ready to go thru big physical changes (bones, connective tissue and muscle) within the next couple of years, so five adult appetites are on the horizon if your oldest will still be living at home.
Maybe look into a meat mail order subscription to save on chicken and fish, or look into finding local farmers thru a co-op that sell butchered cuts from their stock. Your best bet will be to buy half a cow, butchered, which is significantly less than what you’d get at the grocery store. You may need to buy a separate deep freezer to store all of this, but you can find a used one usually that’s not really expensive. People usually are just trying to get rid of them for more room in the garage.
I would make sure the carbs are complex carbs so your kids are getting more fiber. It takes a bit longer to digest so stomachs stay fuller for longer. Brown or wild rice, whole wheat bread and pasta, sweet potatoes, etc.
Add a green salad or vegetable salad to every meal. There’s not many calories in the veggies, but there are trace vitamins, minerals, water and fiber which will help fill up stomachs. And left over salad makes a great bedtime snack or can be eaten for breakfast or lunch the next day.
Buy protein shakes, or whey or protein powder to add to yogurt or milk. Make sure she and all the kids are drinking lots of water and taking their vitamins. Sometimes our bodies are craving protein or a certain vitamins which steers our appetite, cravings, and snacking.
Have a conversation with all of your kids about sharing food and MEAL ETIQUETTE. I’ve told my son that there’s plenty of food, take a serving that’s a size so that everyone gets some. You can have seconds after you finish your plate, and before you’re taking the last spoonful or serving of anything at a meal, it is polite to ask if anyone else wants some and to share if they say yes. There’s plenty of food in the house, sharing is polite, and no one is going to starve!
As a rule, whether I’m hosting a big gathering and preparing a meal, or just making dinner for my little family, if I’m not intentionally making enough for there to be leftovers, then I’m not making enough. There should ALWAYS be leftovers. During my athletic years, my husband and I walked away hungry at a few family dinners because they only made enough food for the meal and there were no leftovers. (My exSIL was terrible about this. She never made enough food for there to be leftovers. She once made a green salad for eight of us that was the size of what I usually made for just my husband and me.)
Leftovers will balance out the amount of prepared and prepackaged shelf stable snacks you’re buying, which are really quite expensive when you do the math to figure out how much you’re paying ounce for ounce, and really aren’t as healthy as most people think. They are usually laden with salt, sugar and preservatives.
Always have a fruit bowl full of apples, oranges and pears (or any other high water and fiber content fruit) on the kitchen counter in addition to their individual snacks.
I know it’s not a popular idea, but it’s much better to have to throw away uneaten food than to have hungry unhappy people. It’s a mental hurdle that some people just have a hard time with.
Athletes have specific dietary needs. Just because your husband has predictable dinner portions and diet doesn’t mean your growing daughter doesn’t have different dietary needs. As an example, if your husband has a drink after he comes home from work, like most adults do, his beer is 145 cals per can/bottle (unless it’s a dark beer) or a 5oz pour of dry white wine is around 120 calories, and these calories can make an impact on how much food he eats at dinner time. (The same is also true with a can of soda or juice if he’s not a drinker.) Unless you’re with him all day, you don’t know what he eats in addition to dinner. Maybe he has a big breakfast, lunch and snacks due to his work activity level, and doesn’t eat as much at dinner time because he’s tired.
Lastly, I would let the girls keep their own packaged snacks in their rooms. If they don’t know how to, they will learn, to portion it out for themselves until your next grocery stop.
I wouldn’t allow the child who is too lazy to make a list to eat the others snacks. Go make a sandwich.
My family always ate a salad first, with lots of fresh veg, then the main meal with veg and sides (unless we were having something like soup or chili, in which case there would be bread on the side only, veg in the soup/chili itself).
Chicken breast and salmon isn’t very filling. You either need more diverse meats or fiber to fill you up. I mean, c’mon. Chicken breast and salmon is on the main list of lots of diet fads FFS… for a reason. Sure, it’s good for you, but you need to rotate stuff around. Rice a roni? Do you make a single box for the family? That’s not going to cut it, either.
It ticks me off that she’s serving herself first, taking all the food, stealing snacks not meant for her. You need to teach her that she needs to resolve issues without grabbing and stealing.
She needs more food.
Your other children should be given their snacks to hide in their rooms.
Wait. I need to confirm this. You’re spending $23,400 USD/year on groceries for (presumably) 5 people?
Have you considered she might have an eating disorder?
For the items the kids are requesting, I would label them and have them be off limits to anyone else (unless they want to share). Then I’d buy more fruit and increase the amount I’m making for dinner so that everyone feels like they are getting enough.
Maybe also sit down with your daughter and find out what it is she’s craving when she’s hungry. My kids often needed more protein when they were growing. Stocking string cheese, cottage cheese, hard boiled eggs and nuts for snacks really helped.
As an adult I learned my mom was buying extra cookies for my brother that he hid in his room, aka room cookies. I’m still a little peeved but you might let the other kids hide stuff (assuming middle has enough to eat).
You’re clearly not buying enough food and that is 100 percent of the issue.
If you know she steals her siblings snacks then secure the snacks for them or buy more so you have backup.
You should have generic snacks at home anyone can eat so she doesn’t resort to stealing.
If she doesn’t make you a list just buy her the stuff she steals.
Make mealtimes much bigger and have leftovers so that she can snack on them later if she’s still hungry or have more helpings.
Snacks don’t need to be overly expensive. A pack of bagels, deli meats and schmear can do alot.
I was a ravenous rugby player in highschool, powerlifter in college, and now breastfeeding so I can relate. She needs to eat more at meals you restricting her portions will not help matters. Try a TDEE calculator to get a rough estimate of how much she actually needs a day, everyone is different I always needed at least moderate carbs to maintain energy and just feel good. I still focus on whole foods, I try to structure my snacks as tiny meals instead of just random calories maybe she can make herself a big meal to snack on throughout the week. To give you an idea when I was at my peak of fitness i was 160 lbs, 5’5” exercising heavy 5 days a week with two active rest days, and consuming around 2,000+ calories (can’t remember exactly) I ate like every two hours like clockwork
At my house we have bins in the pantry. Each kid has a bin with their snacks in it. No one takes from anyone else’s bin without asking. Anything not in the bins is free to whoever gets to it. You could put some in the fridge as well.
Sounds like your kid flat out doesn’t care, which is a whole issue on its own that needs to be addressed somehow. Maybe the visual of the individual bins will help her. There are some with locks as well but I haven’t looked into those much.
You might need to go a little extreme to get her to understand she is being way too selfish. Look up fridge lock storage box. They are individual boxes with a combination on them to store in the refrigerator. And you can also get the same thing for shelf stable stuff also. She will get it through her head that it is not okay to do anymore when she can’t just take whatever she wants. It’s definitely not fair to your other kids and she is acting entitled. You are giving her the same chance you are the others but she is not taking it seriously because she is still getting away with it. She is 15 years old, she knows she’s being rude. She needs to take the budget seriously and you are going to have to cut her access off to the other kids stuff to make that happen. Good luck
I believe the correct title of this post should be:
“My daughter has become an athlete, so her calorie intake has increased, as it should. I, however, refuse to buy more food. I get upset with my daughter for eating servings of sufficient size to address her needs. I think it’s unfair that she needs to eat more than others.
“This wouldn’t be a problem if I had a son who played football. I would understand that he simply needs more food. But we’re talking about a girl, so that logic doesn’t apply.”
YTA for not doing what the parent of any male athlete would do: feed your child according to their need.