Hi All,
Where do we stand on DHs going on vacations with MIL only? (Or FIL only)?
My MIL, well let’s just say I’m here for a reason. Long story short she is THAT kind of MIL. We are no contact / low contact ever since I grew a spine and told DH his mother is the definition of narcissism.
Anyhow, we are on low contact at the moment due to a family event & she said she is looking at cruise ship trips. I mentioned this today to my DH (been probably 2 weeks since she said it) & he said: oh yeah, she did ask me if I’d go with her. Just so nonchalant, so laid back😅.
Am I too much for thinking ‘fuck no!’? I’m his wife now and MIL still wants to holiday with DH only. Every time we go on holiday she is absolutely jealous because we do try new things out, I book really good hotels, we are lucky and we find amazing restaurants etc and her husband wants to do nothing. He is not interested in trying anything out, he doesn’t want to go anywhere. So I guess why not use mommy authority and take him away in private on a cruise.. Don’t bother that this would mean we are apart for like a week or two and would eat up 50% of his holiday entitlement possibly. We didn’t want to go on holiday anyway… like for real?🫠
Comments
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Have you talked to your husband about this? That seems like the first step.
So does he actually want to go? He seems unconcerned. If it were my DH in this position, he would half-listen to his mother and not think about it ever again, unless she mentioned it again, at which time he would give her a non-committal, non-answer and then forget about it again, never following up or doing anything to make it happen.
If your husband has a similar MO with his mother (absent-mindedly humoring her with no real intention of ever following through) I’d just let it lie until it dies a natural death.
I would say, “A romantic cruise with your mother, that sounds strange and borderline incestuous to me. Are you sure you’re married to the right woman? Would you rather be married to your mother?”
The minute you put across how it sounds, it will put a whole new spin on it for him.
I’d love to read an actual study with numbers on how common this whole incest fantasy so many MILs have. Like what’s the actual percentage of women who see their son married and instantly flip a switch so they may “replace” the bride?
Would it be any different if it was a mother and daughter instead of a mother and son? Is he her only child? I know that my father refuses to go on a cruise as he is afraid of being motion sick the whole time, but my mother really wants to go on a cruise. My husband and I invited her along on our cruise this November. I had also thought about just taking a cruise with just my mom. I don’t think that a parent and child vacationing together is all that weird.
It all depends for me. If my husband wants to spend that much time with his mom, then that’s fine with me lol. The only things are: is he leaving you with kids? How much money is he going to use and what is he going to pay for? Will this trip detract from PTO that could be better spent with me?
This is weird. A grown man going on a solo vacation with his mom while his wife stays home? No. This isn’t about ‘family bonding’, it’s about her refusing to accept that he’s an adult with his own family. Put your foot down.
Hell no, you’re not too much. That sounds like a manipulative power play by MIL. Your husband should prioritize his marriage over his mom’s vacation whims.
Oh no no no. Absolutely not.
Yeah, that’s not a vacation, that’s emotional enmeshment with ocean views.
You’re not overreacting, and I’m dead serious in saying that if he goes (though it sounds like he’s not intending to?), you would not be out of line to tell him to expect divorce papers waiting for him on your side of the bed upon his return. You wanna be married to your mom? Have at it, sweet cheeks. I’m doneee.
Absolutely not. I would never be okay with this, and neither would my husband. Maybe for some families this is normal and healthy, but if you’re on this sub and you’re saying she’s “THAT” kind of MIL, you know it isn’t.
I’ve got the same breed of MIL. My husband won’t even do dinner one-on-one with her now. He’s been there, done that and got the ick the first time she invited him out for a “dinner date” since we got married. He realized how bizarre it would be, getting dressed up and leaving me home with the baby so he could have steak and wine with his mother. The invite was a giant wake-up call. He ended up going back to therapy over it and we finally have some boundaries in place now, slowly things are improving
If it feels off, it’s because it probably is…
Please tell me that your husband has shined his spine up and told her no way.
My mom has tried multiple times to invite me to a vacation on a condition that my DH doesn’t come 🤮 She never understood why that is problematic, or at least pretended not to. We are now VLC. I don’t think you’re overreacting.
It’s weird. Cruise ship staterooms are close quarters too. It’s nothing like a regular hotel room. If they go to the restaurants instead of the buffet, it would look like they’re going on a dinner date every night. It’s very presumptuous of her to think that he would rather do that with her than with you or even all of you together.
It’s also strange that your husband is so laissez faire about it. He should shut that shit down immediately and say he wouldn’t be travelling without you.
Yeah…. No. This is creepy. I’m a mum of 2 grown boys, a MIL and a Gran. I cannot imagine wanting to go on vacation alone with either one, ever. It’s weird and just …. Ugh, can’t put words… incestuous.
If she asks your DH in your company, laugh and say ‘that’s a really odd request, you’re surely not serious’. And laugh again. Make it clear to MIL and DH that it’s not normal.
I’d be disappointed that DH stayed with her in a presidential suite because she was jealous of your birthday gift. Your DH needs some therapy, like yesterday. 🚩🚩I’d stop pretending any of this is ok.
I’m in the “it depends“ camp. If it’s one of those DIY family reunions where we’re expected to wear home made t-shirts with toddler level artwork, I tapped out. DH went to those. And brought home an ugly tote bag of crafty things like a shamrock with the family name in glitter. Looked lovely in our garage.
Take mom to her favorite sport? Sure. I can’t sit through 9 innings of her monologue narrating every play.
But romantic get away for two? There will be consequences so choose wisely.
Father and son going on a camping trip or to some other special interest thing is not a big deal. Mother and daughter doing something similar also not a big deal. Parents and adult children of any gender mix going on a cruise together is just weird.