My toddler is hitting and not acting like herself. I’m still healing and bleeding down there. TMI but I had a second degree tear and it hurts to sit stand, I have a ton of pressure on my v*****. Overall, just dove in to the deep end. My MIL and I don’t get along. We haven’t for a long time. We’ve had issues I don’t want to get into right now, it would be a giant post! But despite knowing we don’t get along and this having been something we did talk about she now wants to come and stay the weekend in my living room in the blow up mattress. Husband says he can talk to her about staying in a hotel but she would still be here all day. With my first I found her asphyxiating and constantly on me, yet totally unhelpful in any way. She literally went into my labor and delivery room knowing I didn’t want her there. I don’t want to be struggling like this and so freshly postpartum and have her be all over.
I am not against her meeting little one I just assumed she would realize where we stand and actually respect that but she has shown in the past that she doesn’t care. There are no boundaries and she will push for things she knows aren’t something I’d be cool with given our relationship. I expected that she’d come for a couple of hours on Saturday and a couple of hours on Sunday, not try to stay with us for the weekend. If they stay in a hotel they will still be here the whole day each day. I’ve been walking around how I please and that has included times in which that is my nursing bra and hospital pantie with the huge pad and all the things. I don’t want stress and people I’m not comfortable with to be here for an extended visit. How do I or DH let them know we don’t expect them here all day? I know he feels too bad and doesn’t want to do that.
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‘Hubs, I am in a lot of pain and don’t want any visitors around. No one. Once I’ve healed up, we can talk about having visitors.’
You tell him! No, they can’t come and be here all day. I’m bleeding. I’m learning our child. We’re dealing with a distressed toddler. The last thing I need is your Mother, invading my space – you know she would march right into our bedroom if she thought the baby was there – telling me what to do, nagging, giving out of date advice as if it was direct from god, etc etc. No. If you don’t defend me here, I shall pack up the kids and go to stay with my parents/ best friend/ random stranger rather than be forced to deal with her overbearing ways. You know how awful she was last time! Why would you want to put me through all that again?
She doesn’t need to bond with your child, you do. Your husband does. Your toddler does. But she does not.
Congratulations on your new arrival.
DH’s “feeling bad” about limiting his mom’s visit can matter when he’s the one bleeding, sleep deprived and in pain.
Other than that, respectfully, fuck his feelings. He’s a husband and father first and a son WAY after that. He needs to communicate clearly and unequivocally when his mother can visit, where she will stay and that this is 1000% non negotiable.
Why will she be there all day?!? Was her vagina ripped up, and sewn back together recently, am I missing something?? Nah she can visit for an hour or however long YOU can tolerate. Than she will leave. DH feels bad saying no to her, MIL who has a fully intact vagina right now. Does he not feel bad for you?? Fuck that shit. Tell him that you will be walking around topless, with blood running down your leg. Ask him how he would feel having your parents over if for hours is his scrotum was ripped open.
Tell your husband that it’s too soon for a visit and she can come after your tear is healed and you’re feeling better.
At that time, she can come for two hours max and she can’t spend the night with you
Why they would stay the whole week end? Do they live in another country?
I get they want to meet the new baby but why it has to be 2 whole days?!
If you don’t want long visit or any visit at all your husband must step up.
does he feel bad about your vagina? i mean that’s probably something he’s a little more to blame for then his mother’s inability to process emotions. if he wants to take responsibility for the feelings of something, it should probably be your vagina, for now at least.