I’m not the biggest fan of my husbands bio mom. His step mom, I absolutely adore and check in with her every week. Bio mom, I don’t get along with, I don’t agree with what she says or does and she always brings the mood down. Even though I don’t know everything, but I know she wasn’t the best mother to my husband. My husband isn’t extremely close with her either and tends to keep her at arms length. That being said, she attempts to “buy” his approval at this stage in life.
Based off of my personal feelings, I have decided that I do not want her at the hospital and I WILL NOT be allowing her to have unsupervised visits with my child.
This is getting to be all over the place, my baby shower is coming up next month and my favorite MIL (husbands step) is making cupcakes and helping with the planning instead of a gift. Which I ADORE. She’s more strapped for cash and she wants to help me and my husband. My mom then asked if my other MIL would feel left out if she wasn’t asked to do anything because she’s a bit competitive. I said no, because she’ll just try to out buy everyone.
My husband got a text tonight where my MIL bought 6-7 of the MOST EXPENSIVE items on the registry. I fear it’s her way of working her way into having power over seeing her grandchild. I am not a fan because I know she will throw this back in our face as she has made snide comments before when giving us cash (unasked for).
My husband isn’t bothered about this, and he’s just happy that items are bought. But I’m fuming.
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You will have to get comfortable either telling her that a gift is a gift, not a guarantee of specific behavior, or starting to tune her out, letting your husband handle the relationship. Either way, she really only has access to your family if you let her in. Congrats on your baby!
Don’t open anything she purchases unless you need to use it immediately. If she guilt trips you give the items back.
OR
Keep everything as they are gifts not strings, and DH can let her no to not buy anymore gifts if she expects anything in return. Ignore the guilt trips
Just take the gifts. Let her buy the good shit. Of she tries to throw it in your face, go NC.
If she tries to throw it in your face later I’d just say, “You made a choice to buy those things. We are not beholden to you because of your choices. If you think gifts and money are a way to try to control your relationship with us, I would suggest investing in yourself and getting some therapy.”
You can’t control what she spends her money on, but you can control how you handle her trying to hold it over your heads. My favorite line is “here take it back, if strings are attached I don’t want it.”
Wow I feel like I could have written this! My MIL has accused us of using them for money after we’ve accepted gifts from them in the past. She also believes giving gifts entitles her to certain things, without ever verbalizing her expectations.
She just went and bought the most expensive items on our registry after we told her multiple times we don’t need a gift. I plan on treating her like I would anyone else, write her a nice thank you card and go about my day. If she thinks the gifts entitle her to any special treatment then she’s going to be disappointed but it’s not my problem.
Protect your peace and enjoy your shower!
My dad is like this. He will buy expensive things I don’t want and demand gratitude. We are no contact now if that says anything.
You aren’t over reacting. She is doing exactly what you think she is, trying to buy affection and will hold it over you later.
When she makes a fuss about not being involved, which is bet will be at the shower, I’d say you didn’t want to impose after the gifts she gave the baby.