Overdue but bothering me to this day. Need some advice on how to let this interaction go and honestly, vent.
Over mothers day weekend we went over to my MIL’s house to celebrate together. At the end of the day she was opening her gift and had jokingly put the sweater we bought on my daughter. It was cute. Funny. She then takes her phone out to take pictures and starts getting my daughters attention and slips out, “.. look at mama!!!”
Caught me off guard. She said it once. I internalized, let it soak for a minute. Grandpa was hanging out behind my daughter and MIL addressed him as “papa” in efforts to gain my daughters attention.
I know in some cultures grandpa will be continued to be called “papa” but the mama comment really rubbed me the wrong way. My partner said he caught it when she said that but did not correct it as she is 73 years old and often confuses things like artichoke for avocado and maybe it utter confusion. Either way, he is the only child (mother and son enmeshment kind of dynamic) and this is their first grandchild. What do you guys think, honestly.
Couple more things:
My daughter was playing with her on the couch, she was climbing down his leg and it looked like she was falling but he was holding onto her the entire time. I expressed fear and afterwards stated, “[husband], i’m and mom and that gives me anxiety! My MIL goes, “IM A GRANDMA AND IT GIVE MEEE ANXIETY!”. Does this show her minimizing my experience and making herself central in this situation?
After we left she emailed, “Thanks so much for coming and spending the day with me …”
Am I reading too much into this? We spent the day together? Both of us are celebrating mothers day? I was very much a part of this day, too.
Comments
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If she is confusing words, I would let it go. If it happens again, I would gently address it, but it sounds like the dementia is setting in. I think you’re reading too much into the second comment to be honest.
I looked at your other posts about MIL and it seems “mama” may be deliberate. But then again, 73 is definitely old and it would make sense for her to accidentally refer to herself as “mama” if she confuses words often. Maybe shelf it for now and if it happens again, say something?