I’m pregnant so the hormones aren’t helping but I’m getting so annoyed with MIL buying things unnecessarily without just checking with us first. We live close and she messages all the time so it’s not like she doesn’t have opportunity to just ask 😅
The last thing to put me over the edge is a changing bag for me and baby, I’m nearly due and instead of just asking if I’ve already got one she just said I’ve got you this? She obvs just ordered quickly from Amazon so I don’t understand. It’s second grandchild and we’ve already spoke to her about stop buying for first child as she was buying new toys every week and went crazy at Christmas and birthdays so we introduced a 3 present rule 😅. I know on one hand I should be grateful and I am when she buys useful stuff like clothes but it feels overbearing. this isn’t even the baby gift so I know more is probably coming.
She’s already bought a bag full of clothes for new baby, a lot of the stuff is not age appropriate like summer dresses in winter 😅 but I haven’t said anything. She also bought a random bag of nappies when we’ve already bulk bought the nappies we liked first time round. She also refers to the children as her babies which winds me up. I just don’t get how she hasn’t got the hint as we’ve spoken to her about buying stuff and everytime she says how’s my baby? My husband replies I’m fine. Like surely can’t you tell we don’t like it. We had to tell her to stop calling herself mom-ma too.
It’s so hard as I want a good relationship with her and family but every little thing makes me want to spend less time around them. Think it’s a build up of lots of little things she does. And with my mum I’m very vocal if she did anything to annoy me she’d know, where as husband doesn’t have that kind of relationship but tries to tell her in a gentle way.
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The problem is you’ve let this go on by not saying anything or setting any more boundaries. The 3 present rule is a great start but you need to go further.
Make it clear to MiL anything unwanted will get donated to a local shelter/charity and any unexpected Amazon deliveries will be returned without question, but be sure to follow through.
Remember you and your Partner are in the driving seat not MiL.
“Thanks for the thought, but we’ve already got one! Maybe check with us next time?”
Whatever she gets that you don’t want, donate to a thrift store.
“Hey MIL, I really appreciate you thinking of us/me/baby/etc but some of this is not really my taste/style/preference/etc so I’m gonna be donating a lot of it to Goodwill. Is there anything you’d like me to give back to you before I donate it?”
What does your husband think of her behavior? I have a 13 month old and am 6 months pregnant so my MIL drives me up the wall too. I try my best to let her be grandma, but I put my foot down when it comes to her bathing my kid, feeding my kid due to him choking on a lot of solids (she tries to baby bird it to him because that’s what I do, but over my dead body). I understand she’s really excited, so try to give her some grace, but you are the parent and it is not unreasonable to adhere to the boundaries you set or need to set. My own MIL gets upset because I don’t need for her to help me out when it comes to my kid (she’s also from a culture where the whole family raises children), but I figured she had her time and opportunities to be a mom. Why would I sacrifice my own opportunities for the sake of her wants (her do-over baby)?
In my eyes, being grandparents is a privilege not a right. Have her be the best grandma, let her spoil your kids to a certain degree. At the end of the day, all they want is you anyway.
“Oh this is great. Let’s keep it May your house for when we visit”
Send it all back to her. Just because she keeps it for a visit doesn’t mean you have to visit to justify her spending money on it.
Send it home with her.