I have posted a few times before explaining the history with my MIL. This issue was constant overstepping of boundaries and unreasonable behaviour culminating in a confrontation in September where I tried to find some middle ground with her and she responded by spitting insults at me. Most of it was petty name calling but one thing that stuck out to me was this:
She (uninvited) suggested I lose 3kg to be more comfortable in my wedding dress the day I chose it. I told her when we were trying to fix things that her saying a specific amount of weight she thought I should lose had made me uncomfortable. She responded by saying I had an eating disorder and it was my problem getting upset about that. I was underweight when I was in my early teens but never had an eating disorder. Her weaponising information that I disclosed to her when she was upset about her son’s disordered eating 5 years ago (when our relationship was good) is unforgivable for me.
Since then I have seen her twice though my husband sees her often. This weekend he came back saying she still doesn’t understand why I don’t want to join in with family events, that she doesn’t feel she has done anything wrong, that I would always have had a problem with whatever MIL I had and it’s nothing to do with her (utter bollocks, this is on her). After all that he wants us to try again with a reconciliation…. and I just think why should I bother? She is so insistent she is the victim when I have never said anything unkind to her.
The current suggestion is family counselling, but given her past behaviour they would have to be a miracle worker. And I’m just so exhausted dealing with the stress she causes me. Even not seeing her, knowing she is out there being malevolent and worming her way into our relationship through my husband causes me actual physical and emotional harm, though it is far better than the anticipation of being in the same room as her. My husband and I argue all the time, and are both miserable.
Part of me thinks it would be worth the pain of being in the same room as her for my husband to really understand how awful she is. The other part of me thinks it would just make a bad situation even worse. I am so close to giving up on my marriage purely because of her crazy and his inability to handle her. Feeling so torn apart and exhausted because of this one horrid jealous woman… and need some TLC from those that understand.
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Hey OP. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. Your MIL is cruel and abusive. I can understand you never wanting to see her again. Have you considered counselling for just yourself and your DH? I think if you both could get on the same page, and for him to have an external party saying the dynamics are off, would be helpful.
Couples counselling for you both would be great.
But there’s nothing wrong with saying “if this was a stranger, we’d be having a very different conversation and it wouldn’t be to pressure me into being around them.”
I agree, individual therapy for both of you , and couples therapy. He probably doesn’t see anything wrong with her behavior because it is normal to him. Good luck.