Hi everyone,
Wondering if I’m overreacting here. My MIL is a typical boundary pusher, doing small things over time that aren’t a big deal until we snap. Husband is very on board with setting boundaries and isn’t afraid of conflict with her, so he definitely isn’t the problem.
During a confrontation a few months ago (after she visited my 6-week old newborn while sick and was shocked when we didn’t let her hold the baby), she told my husband that I don’t know how their family works/communicates, basically labeling me an outsider who shouldn’t have an opinion on how they handle things. We shut that down QUICK.
However, every time she sees our family since then, it’s like I don’t exist. The only people that exist are her son and her granddaughter. She only talks about how much she looks like him. Yesterday, she brought a framed picture of our family for her room….except the only people in the picture were my daughter and husband. I was nowhere to be seen.
Am I overreacting with this being my last straw? Do I say something? I’m typically not a doormat, but things between us have been fine since that 6-week visit and subsequent confrontation. I don’t want to make things tense yet again for no reason, especially because we are about to go on vacation together for 5 days. HELP!
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Why would you vacation with her?!
You don’t have to go on a vacation with her if you don’t want to.
If you don’t exist, obviously, neither does your daughter! Silly MIL.
NO, you are not overreacting. MIL waaay out of bounds coming over to your house sick when the baby is 6 weeks old. She wouldn’t have been over the threshold if it was my house. How completely unacceptable that she put your newborn at risk.
Hand that pic right back to her and tell her this is your house and you run your household as you like. If she has to be passive aggressive she will not be allowed back over.
It’s on her if you go LC or NC due to her assholery.
I would have a chat with your husband about how this is making you feel. If he has no problems standing up to her already he will be able to tell her this exclusion of you needs to stop. Maybe he doesn’t realize how bad it is. I’d have him have a conversation with her about this behaviour before going on a vacation with her. He will be able to keep an eye on it and be able to support you better after you talk to him
You say things have been fine between you, but in reality she is trying to push your buttons. She is trying to force you to create drama so she can say you are the problem. If you want to have a little fun, just ignore her attempts to get you riled up. Look at the picture and say just how wonderful it is. It will eat her alive knowing she can’t annoy you. Overtime she’ll give up because she isn’t getting the reaction she wants.
I’mma be real, I don’t consider my husband’s family my family. They’re my kid’s family, but not mine. I don’t even dislike most of them, but they’re just people I know. I do love my MIL, but that took years to develop.