Can’t say I’m surprised. We did a combined holiday event with my close family and DH family this year. MIL decides to bring desserts to gift to (1) me and DH and (2) my aunt (mom’s sister).
Does not bring one for my mom.
When my aunt was leaving, she jokingly made it obvs to my mom that she got dessert and not my mom (she was joking around). At this point MIL probably felt guilty and ashamed (as she should be).
After everyone left, MIL says to me, next time I come over she will have that dessert prepared for my mom. Backstory: my mom has always asked MIL every time she sees her about this dessert (bc it is MILs specialty).
YUCK. Is there any insight on this?
After the event, my parents have said they no longer want to attend functions she is at. We have tried for 2 years now that I’ve been married.
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This feels like a bit of an escalation from your mom over not getting a dessert. Can you help me understand? Was there more to it or was it done passive aggressively? I can understand feeling awkward but to escalate to we won’t attend the same events as her feels like an overreaction. I admit mil’s choice was odd to say the least.
Also I will say dh always wants to combine families and so does my SIL with her family and her in-laws and I don’t love it. I get where in theory in it less work but I feel like nobody enjoys themselves including me as host so I don’t think not getting to combine is the loss it feels like it is but your mileage may vary.
Let him deal with his Mother. You step back, and instead of engaging in arguments with her be clear with your boundaries with both of them about what you will and won’t be doing. Then let them work it out.
If she truly felt bad then the polite thing would be she spontaneously makes the dessert and asks you to pick it up for your mum.
What she did was blatantly rude and so insulting to your mum but actually it’s your Husband that should feel the most insulted.
Her behaviour is a reflection of his upbringing and he should be having a word with her that it was disrespectful and made him look bad.
If it was an honest oversight then again it’s easily fixable with a simple call from your MIL to your mum with an apology and making the dessert but if it’s intentional then I don’t blame your mum to keep her distance.
Your mum’s reaction is not simply over not getting dessert, it’s the targeted disrespect in front of her sister, daughter and son in law. She’s embarrassed and feeling “publicly” humiliated.
I think it’s simple, either they don’t meet anymore or a genuine olive branch is put forth.