Hi all,
This will be my very first Christmas as a mom, and I’ve been looking forward to making it really special and memorable for my little one. My MIL is also really excited — she loves to buy things for the baby, and recently she’s been talking about how she can’t wait for Christmas so she can go “all out” and get him big gifts (like things that literally won’t fit in our apartment).
While I truly appreciate that she wants to be involved and generous, I’m worried it’s going to overshadow the small, meaningful things my husband and I want to do. We don’t have a lot of money, and I’d love for the focus to be on simple, heartfelt moments — not whose gifts are bigger or more exciting.
For some context, my MIL can be a bit overbearing. She tends to take over things that aren’t really hers to control, and often ignores our boundaries. She’s done this with baby gear, holiday plans. She gets very emotional or passive-aggressive if she doesn’t get her way — she once cried when we kindly asked her to ask before grabbing the baby from our arms.
I’m just worried this Christmas might turn into another situation where I feel like a guest at my own child’s milestone moment. I don’t want to fight or make a big deal, but I also don’t want to silently let it happen and regret not speaking up.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you balance involving excited grandparents while protecting your own role and memories as a parent?
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“Hey MIL this is a list of the things you can buy our kid. Merry Christmas”
Where are you spending Christmas this year ?
Decide what your boundaries are around gifts and let her know. “MIL you can get LO 3 Christmas gifts but none of them can be bigger than the size of x.” “Here is a list of of age-appropriate toys and items LO doesn’t have to give you an idea.”
Don’t tell her what you’re planning to give LO if you’re going to give LO a memorable first or important item (so she can’t beat you to the punch).
The key is enforcement and consequences. When you tell her 3 gifts max and she brings out 17… you have the enforce the boundary. If you just take all 17 gifts, your boundary means nothing. “MIL, we said 3 max. You can pick which 3 we will open and take home.” Then the rest can be left at her house and she can keep them, return them, donate them, etc.
My own mom does want/need/wear/read with my kids. So something fun they want, something I told her they need, clothing or shoes, and a book. Sometimes a small “surprise”.