So I’m at my wits end, and honestly, I think I just need to vent.
I’ll try not to make this too long. My MIL is our landlord. She owns the house, and we were paying the rest of the mortgage to own it. Everything was great the first year. We fixed a lot of problems with the house that she refused to fix, lived in peace, etc.
Until a year ago. Nobody would let my BIL stay with them (hes one of those that refuses to work, can’t get his life together, he’s a leach) so she had us TEMPORARILY let him live in our back shed until he got on his feet. A few days turned into 2 weeks, 2 months, and now, there is no timeline. Now, she had a tiny home built in our back yard. Mind you, SHE won’t let him stay at her 7 bedroom home because hes too much to deal with, and compulsively steals from everyone. He actually has been fired from multiple jobs due to theft. This is the ONLY thing she compromised with us on.
He uses everything. I bought the washer and dryer, he refuses to use a laundromat. He uses that. He uses the wifi. He uses our electricity. He fills our garbage up to the point we cant even throw our own trash away till next week. He walks to places, and demands my husband pick him up all hours of the night when hubby works at 6am. He is supposed to float us a few bucks, but she doesn’t enforce that.
Anytime my husband tries to push back, she drops a “maybe you should find somewhere else to live because family is family” and has the audacity to call him cruel for never offering a hot meal. He gets doordash every day. WE CAN’T EVEN AFFORD DOORDASH.
He also has 2 cats. One was clawing to get out, so I went in the shed when he wasn’t there. The litter box had maggots. No water. No food. Just the worst mess you can imagine in a shed of that size. I was livid. We told MIL, apparently he told him no to adopting the pets. But he does what he wants, and nothing changes. Nothing makes me sicker than neglected pets, and this was truly one of the most distressing things hes done.
I was homeless for a while, and a lot of trauma came with that. I have had to calm my husband down multiple times out of fear she will give us a 30 day notice. We have 2 dogs, a cat, and some fish. We don’t have the resources or time to move out if she did. So we’ve had to grin and bear every bit of this. My grandma is leaving us a decent amount of money in her will. She isn’t a great person what so ever, but im not going to exactly celebrate when she passes either. We planned to use that to finally get out. My husband plans to fully cut contact with MIL when this happens. After telling her every single thing on his mind, of course.
Every day feels like I’m playing a game of floor is lava. Even if we treat him well, BIL compulsively lies to get sympathy. MIL knows this, yet believes him every time. And we get berated. My SIL has had many fights with MIL over her treatment of us. I know we have tenants rights, but what can we do? Using our rights is just going to give us an automatic 30 day notice. She no longer wants us to take legal ownership, of course. She knows what we will do. The house still has SO much work that needs to be done, we honestly don’t want to own it anyways. Water damage, mold, gaps, roofing, etc.
I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this, I know it was lengthy. But any kind words would help. Luckily this has made our marrage stronger, but she has no idea how much pain and stress she has caused us from everything she has done. Thank you for reading if you made it this far.
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Did you sign a legally binding contract?
Just stop paying the mortgage and put that money away for a down payment on your own place. If BIL isn’t paying rent why should you?
Move
Do not live in her house
Leave bil where he is they can figure it.
There are always strings attached.
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Change the locks so he can’t get in the house to use your laundry. Change the WiFi password. Tell MIL that since you are sharing the property, your expenses should be reduced. So for example, if you pay $1000 in rent, because you no longer have total access to the property, you are going to reduce your payment to $700. If BIL leaves, you will increase back to $1000
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Make your plans to move.
Even before you have an inheritance.
Even if you have to downsize.
Move to somewhere that you have autonomy and actual tenants rights.
Then you have peace of mind, which is priceless.
Don’t put another dollar into that house, no matter how much pain that might cause. It just further anchors you to a nightmare situation. If MIL has never held her horrendous son accountable in the many years before this she’s not about to start now. Then put your heads together and figure out some way, any way, to move out.
Do you have a signed and notarized contract with the woman? If you only have a verbal agreement I’d really consider moving out and ending her ability to throttle you life and happiness. She sounds awful, so sorry you have to deal with this.
Hi is there anyway your husband can block him every night and unblock at times that are convenient for him?
Upvoted not because it’s a good story but to show you some love. I’m sorry about all this, OP. It is good you and DH are together on this and you feel strong in your marriage. This is still really tough. We hear you. ❤️
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Do not give him the wifi password!
Bro even my heroin addict brother can hold down a job and pay his own rent. What a waste of space this guy is.
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OP there’s people giving you lots of bad advice in this post. Do not change the locks as it is not your house to do that. Or if you do, legally MIL is owed a key and she can do as she pleases. Do you have a lease? If so do not just stop paying. If everything is still in MIL’s name you can stop paying and save your money and GTFO but she still will probably sue you for it. Be the absolute perfect tenants and get yourselves as ready as possible to move out once you can.
Some of these people are amazing me with what they are telling you to do. It will make MIL give you notice to vacate.
You guys are your own worst enemies. Don’t give him rides and lock him out of using the washer and dryer. And that is until you move. That’s your only way out of this nightmare.
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Every time she threatens eviction, she’s showing you this isn’t family, it’s control.
I admire how you’re keeping your marriage strong through this. That’s not easy.
This isn’t helping BIL this is enabling. She’s keeping him useless forever.
You could say you were talking about it with friends because it bothered you so much. One of them “might” have called. Sorry you have to go through this. MIL created this man and she should be the one to take care of it.
OP, when you & SO leave can you take BILs cats, with you or to a cat welfare place?
You fixed up her house, paid her mortgage, and she repays you by stressing you out daily.
Yep. MIL basically got free renovations and still treats OP like tenants on probation.
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Your plan to leave and cut contact sounds like the healthiest move for your future.
I’m so sorry. It sounds like you’re stuck in survival mode until you can finally move out.
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MIL basically built an Airbnb for dysfunction in your backyard.
I’d get out ASAP. The inheritance can wait. She’s using you and your husband to get that house paid off and fixed up for the thing living in your shed. I guarantee if you and hubs sit down and go through everything that you spend money on, you’ll find areas in which you can cut costs and put that toward a mortgage of your own. Fixer-uppers usually go for decent prices and since you’re doing that already…why not fix up a place without your MIL’s claws, control, and worthless spawn abusing animals in the backyard?
Your MIL sounds like a terrible person. Funny how she throws around how you are supposed to take care of family while she has lied and taken advantage of your husband and you.
I know you don’t need advice, so I’d tell you what I’d do if I were in this situation.
I’d find a realtor, tell them the entire situation, let them know i’m not necessarily in a position to move in the next few months, but give her my parameters, like how much I’ll have to put down, how much of a payment I can afford, and that I’m looking for a fixer upper. A good realtor will not only be on the lookout for what you need, but maybe aware of financing or incentives you might be eligible for, as well as manage your expectations of how much you’ll need to get into a place.
Not another penny of my money would go to upkeep or fixing a house that I know have any chance of owning.
My grocery shopping would be done daily. I’d buy groceries for that days meals and needs, and that’s it. I live 5 minutes from 3 grocery stores so that’s not a time or gas suck on my finances. No big bags of popcorn or chips, I’d buy a couple oranges, a couple apples, etc for me and my husband to eat that day. Honestly I’d cut out all sodas and snacks and save that money to get tf out of there, but more to cut down on any freeloading.
I’d find a cooler that I could fit in my bedroom closet or someplace my freeloading in laws wouldnt think to look, to keep anything I make this afternoon after my grocery run, for tomorrow, like lunch to take to work.
I’d embrace the suck of living with very little as I stash all my cash away, knowing it’s temporary, and that my happiness and independence will be mine after 6-12 months, and I’d never have to speak to people who took advantage of my husband ever again.
Good luck, I’m glad you and you husband are a team in all of this.
You do realize that you are paying off your MIL’s mortgage and fixing up her house for your leech of a BIL right? Find someplace else to live ASAP. She’s using you.