I’ve posted here before, many years ago. My husband is the youngest of 6, and only boy except he is NOT the favourite. At all. Him and his father have a good bond and, besides the enabling of my MIL, my FIL is a good guy.
I’ve had many issues with her over the past 10 years of being with my husband, but I’ve finally, officially Dropped The Rope ™. I don’t talk to her, I don’t see her unless it’s a family event, and I don’t talk about or to her literally ever.
She had a tantrum over something my husband said last September and threw such a tantrum that it affected my kids, and they actually questioned if nana liked them. Now, I’ve had issues with her indifference to my kids but it was subtle enough that my husband shrugged it off, but for me the indifference was strike 1.
Her tantrum last September and subsequent behaviour to my kids? Strike 2. In October it was my sons birthday which she decided to pretend didn’t happen so she could continue to punish us? Strike 3. That’s when I dropped the rope. Told my husband, he wasn’t too happy because he doesn’t like his mother and I was pretty much the only one willing to deal with her for the sake of “family”, but he understood and has been the point of contact since then.
Christmas, birthday and Mother’s Day gifts, all his responsibility (he’s given her none lol). Didn’t even call her on mothers day which I love, because he forgot. Of course she’s salty, still throwing her tantrums. I don’t actually know details because I’ve told him not to talk to me about her anymore. She doesn’t exist for me. The only thing I’ve let happen is my husband take the kids over there, but I’ve warned him AND my FIL that if they ever bring up nana being a bitch or ignoring them that I will be (age appropriately) honest about her as a person, so if they don’t want that they better reel her in.
ANYWAY. The point of this post: I’m pregnant with number 3. I’m not worried about her because again, she’s indifferent to my kids, but the hormones have started and I find myself feeling really sorry for my husband. My mother is so happy for me and constantly calling/texting, she’s normally the JustNo. But his mother did and said nothing when he told his parents. Honestly, not a word. Like she didn’t hear it. And I just feel really, really bad for my husband. It hurts him to see her act the perfect nana for the other kids but not for ours, and I just want to smash her face in, or hurt her, or get revenge. (It’s the hormones I swear I usually am a lot calmer lol)
What can I do or say to my husband? How can I make him feel better? He knows that she sucks, he’s wished his parents would have divorced SINCE HE WAS 5. He’s not blind to this, but he’s still affected. It makes me so sad I just want to cuddle him up and smash anything that hurts him. He’s a really good guy, he doesn’t deserve this shit.
Sorry this was kind of a vent but also any advice I’m happy to take. I did a very vague and general background, there is so much drama and other bullshit she’s done. Her indifference is actually pretty tame from her normal assholery.
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The only thing that can help him just now is him processing his own feelings for his side of the family. He needs therapy as much as he can at this stage.
MIL sounds unbearable and you going back to contact with her won’t help him, will just sugarcoat the “non existent” relationship and closeness with your immediate family. Neither you, your husband or your kids need this.
You are doing everything right by protecting your peace and your kids. He probably just needs space to grieve the mom he never really had. Remind him this is her failure not his. Her love comes with conditions and he stopped meeting them the second he built a life she can’t control.