We’re seeing my partners uncle and his family for dinner next weekend as they are over for a wedding and they live in America so my partner hasn’t seen them in nearly 2 years. It is also my first time meeting them. My MIL lives 3 hours away and they are stopping off for a day to see her before they come near us to for wedding and we go to dinner.
So out of nowhere yesterday she messaged my partner and said that she has invited herself to the dinner and she’s going to stay round ours and wants to meet our new puppy (which we got 2 weeks ago)
AIO for thinking it’s a bit rude that she’s just invited herself? We don’t have any furniture in our spare room currently as we’re redecorating and also our puppy isn’t sleeping through the night currently. My partner will also be working a night shift and to be honest I will probably stay at my dads to stay out her way. The thing that annoys my is that she is so desperate to see this puppy but she is never bothered about seeing me and whenever we invite her to stuff with my family she won’t come saying it’s ’too far’ but is happy to do the trip to see the dog and to gate crash the dinner. I don’t have a problem with her coming to the dinner I just don’t really want her staying. We can’t even use redecorating as an excuse as she’s happy to sleep on our spare mattress on the floor (that’s how she sleeps in her house).
I don’t have any direct contact with her or any relationship apart from through my partner which is fine with me. She’s not horrible but is quite opinionated and I know where she comes she is going to be giving lots of unsolicited advice: you should do this with the puppy, she should be eating this etc. And it’s very draining when she visit is. My partner isn’t happy about it either but he just feels guilty because she lives 4 hour drive from us so only sees her a few times a year. She also only visited a month ago. She stopped by for a couple days before going on to meet one of her friends.
I fell like she is using us as a hotel and didn’t even ask politely or consider us? I don’t really want to set a precedent. She’s not horrible but is quite a suffocating guest to have. My partner moved out at 17 and only sees her minimally which I think says it all.
She also said to my partner that she wants to witness her brother and me meeting for the first time. Does that sound a bit weird to anyone? It makes it sound like I’m going to a job interview lol.
I also feel like if she does stay I should be here and not let her bully me out of my own house and let her know that it’s OURS and she can’t pretend like a don’t exist.
What does everyone think???
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If you don’t have furniture in the spare room, where’s she going to sleep?
NOR
Fortunately you have an easy response. “I’m so sorry, we don’t have any place for you to stay right now, so our house isn’t available.”
Up to you if you want to add “You can join us at [restaurant] if you want, but you need to get a hotel if you are planning on staying over.”
Your partner needs to tell her no. Full stop. If he won’t, then you go somewhere else. Bonus points if you take the puppy with you.
This irritates me on your behalf, OP! Since she didn’t ask you, how about telling her, “I just heard you wanted to join us for dinner. I was surprised our plans changed, but okay.
“Unfortunately, DH didn’t check in with me before agreeing to your overnight visit. We’ve discussed it now, and it just won’t be possible. I wanted to let you know right away so you could make other arrangements.”
No discussion of puppy, no visits to puppy, because it will soon turn into “it’s too late to drive home.”
“We’ve discussed it and, as I said, it’s just not possible.”
As far as I’m aware, it’s still considered quite rude to invite yourself. Self-inviting to a dinner outing is cringy… self-inviting to overnight in someone else’s home is straight-up rude and inconsiderate. MIL is out of line assuming that staying at your place is an automatic green light.
“We’d be glad to meet you at the restaurant, but with all of the other excitement around the wedding, we aren’t hosting anyone overnights at our home right now.”
This “bad news” should be broken by your partner, and don’t give in to any pressure to add any further justification. If she kicks and fusses, she has her answer. Just repeat “no, Mom, not this time,” and “we’ll let you know when we are ready to host you.”
Doesn’t sound like she was given any consequence for inviting herself or told that it’s rude even if she is allowed to come. And I’d still leave since you have somewhere to stay but definitely lock your bedroom door so she can’t go snooping or sleep in your bed or anything weird.