MIL is a nightmare

Hi everyone, as the title says, my mother-in-law is a nightmare.

A bit of context: I (F, 27) have a 4-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. When I met my husband (M, 27) — actually my future husband, as our civil wedding is in August — my daughter was a year and a half. At the beginning, his whole family was very excited; she was the first “grandchild” from their side. But shortly after the two of us joined the family, my brother-in-law’s girlfriend got pregnant with twins — two boys. That’s when small differences began to appear.

For example, she always bent over backwards to see the twins, buy them things, or spend time with them, but not so much for my daughter. For two years in a row I invited her to my daughter’s birthday. She lives an hour away, but never came, saying she had no means of getting there (neither of them has a driver’s license or a car). She did give money instead of a gift, but never showed up in person.

Last July, when the twins were born, she moved mountains to get to the hospital to see them. But two months later, in September, she couldn’t be bothered to come to my daughter’s birthday again because — you guessed it — she had no way to get there. Another example: when we wanted to buy a trampoline for my daughter, she said she wouldn’t chip in because she was renovating her house. Three days after we bought it ourselves, she got a trampoline for the twins.

We’re always the ones who have to visit them, and the visits are quite frequent — almost weekly. Her relationship with the other daughter-in-law isn’t great either; my sister-in-law even forbade her multiple times from entering their home or seeing the kids. Now I start to understand why.

She’s never said she doesn’t like me, and I can’t say she’s directly shown it, but her actions speak volumes. For example, she constantly comments on my appearance. Because we’ve been trying to have a baby, I’ve gained 20 kilograms from the treatments — mostly around my belly — and I do look pregnant, but her remarks are just plain mean.

She constantly tries to meddle in my relationship with my husband. No matter what we discuss, once he gets there, she doesn’t stop until he does things her way. She didn’t like the wedding date we chose, nor the venue, and she even had something to say about the dress I picked.

She constantly posts photos of the twins with captions like “my grandchildren,” but never includes my daughter. My husband always says it’s normal to show a bit of difference — “they’re blood,” he says — which honestly drives me insane.

The cherry on top was everything that happened this past month. My husband is always the family’s “fool” who has to help with house renovations. His brother can’t — because “he has kids.” Every Saturday she calls with a new issue, without caring that we might have our own plans. Wherever we go, we’re expected to take her with us, because “you only have one mother and she deserves to see the world too.”

We had a stroller left from my daughter, which we stored at their place because we don’t have enough space in our apartment. Four weeks later, I found out she gave it to the twins to use — without even asking if it was okay. Like, hello?! That’s my personal property, how can you just give it away without asking?

The worst was recently. My husband had been working out of town all week. We had planned to spend the weekend together — maybe go to the pool, do something fun as a family. But Saturday morning, we hadn’t even opened our eyes before the phone rang:
“The faucet’s broken.”
“You have to build the pigsty with your dad.”
“I need to go shopping.”

No “Good morning, do you have plans?” Just a list of demands. After three hours of arguing, I gave in and went to the in-laws’ place with him — but I was silent and fuming. I didn’t want to interact with her at all. On the drive home, he asked what was wrong. I laid everything out — every example. His response? That I have “ideas in my head” and should stop, or “things will change.” We didn’t speak the rest of the evening and slept in separate beds.

The next morning, he got up early to go over again and left me a message saying he’d be back soon. I told him I no longer cared where he went or how long he stayed. To me, the family you build matters more than the one you come from. If he can’t see that, maybe we should cancel the wedding and rethink the relationship — because I never hesitated to put my family aside for him when it mattered.

He replied that I was going too far, that he wants me and my daughter, and that he’ll do anything for us — that he wants to be with us. I haven’t forgiven him yet. The air between us is still heavy and cold.

Carrying this frustration alone was starting to weigh me down, and sometimes you just need to let it all out so your own thoughts stop screaming at you. Maybe things will improve, maybe they won’t. But for now, I just needed to breathe… and this helped.