MIL is annoying – can’t tell if she’s a narcissist or just a pain in the ass

My husband and I recently got married (about 3 months ago), but were together about 4 years prior to that. We own a house together, we have the perfect relationship. Seriously- if we have any issues, we talk it out and are fine within 20-30 minutes. We do not yell, do not argue, our relationship is perfect. However, my MIL is not perfect. She has done numerous things that I cant forgive her for – accused me of making her son no longer religious even though that’s how he was when I met him (I would never date someone who had polar opposite views to me about something as important as religion, politics, money, etc… and this was a HUGE problem, her and her husband would mail him jesus stuff, tell him I’m the devil and the wrong person for him, and they actually didnt see him for over a year due to how they treated me AND him), has made comments on what I’m wearing like “oh, you look casual…” meanwhile I was wearing exactly what everyone else was wearing, she will complain that my husband never visits her anymore and he has told her that we offer to come earlier to hang out with them (they live in another state) but she ALWAYS is busy cleaning the house, cooking, getting ready, etc. Aka not even paying attention to her son when he makes effort to see her, then will freak out and be like “well aren’t I just SUCH A PROBLEM!!!” Oh and she treats her other daughter in law like shit too- always blaming her for things. Her other son gained weight? Its his wifes fault that she buys “junk”. I once spoke up and said that he’s a grown man and can make decisions on what he wants to eat and she yelled (she naturally has a yelling, loud voice… lucky us) “NO IT MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE WHAT SHE BUYS AND I BLAME HER”.

Okay anyways… Lol, the main thing that annoyed me recently was that we recently had a small belated bridal shower type thing and she asked what we wanted as a gift. I told her we genuinely do not need ANY items, and that if anything was purchased, we could use a 4-slice toaster since our 2-slice one kind of sucks and is getting old. Otherwise, gift cards help with random garden stuff we need or whatever. She said okay sounds good. Well she ended up gifting us an air fryer, something we already have. She said we can replace ours and my husband told her no that we don’t want to replace it. She said “WELL THIS ONE IS BETTER QUALITY” (it was not in fact better quality, just some random brand I’ve never heard of that you find on Amazon and some department stores). He said he didnt understand why she would buy that. She claims she got it last year since it was on sale (so she bought it before even asking me what we wanted for my bridal shower….)

The next day, we saw her again and she said “well you can return it if you want, IM NOT TAKING IT BACK HOME!!” and we said okay, yeah we will return it. She then repeated “I’m not taking that back home”. Well great, now you gave us a 20lb box that we have to lug across state lines, go return it, wait for store credit or whatever we might get, and then make the effort to get the toaster we can actually use.

I feel this isn’t as problematic as other stuff you all go through, but there’s just so much shit she does and she’s so insufferable. Sigh. I guess we’re lucky that we don’t live in the same state but when we do see her, which is about 4-5 times a year, it is stressful every time. Rude comments, complaining, judgement, “better than thou” attitude, etc.