Long time lurker, first time poster.
I’ve been with my SO for 6 years and never had a great relationship with my MIL. We are civil but it broke down when we had to move in with her and she lied to my SO and i about a holiday she took (that’s another story for another day).
Since having a baby she’s got so much more unlikeable. During pregnancy she would always ask my SO how i was doing but, never ask me. When i did see her face to face she would always act confused at my pregnancy symptoms and boast that she never had that.
From early on we told her absolutely no visitors at the hospital or at home until i was ready. Closer to my birth she kept saying ‘so when shall i book tickets to come see you in hospital’ SO told her no visitors at the hospital, not even my mom. She asked twice more, which i think is just rude after being told 2 times before that. She also tried to come stay with us right after the birth but we insisted no one was allowed until we told them we were ready.
She kissed the baby multiple times on 2 different visits after i told her not to. She’s worn extremely strong perfume and stained my baby with her stench on 2 occasions. since i have a generic family and friends reminder text to her about not kissing babies with lullaby trust info. she messaged back saying “i hope an incident didnt trigger this”
She always calls him ‘my baby’ or ‘my boy’ which makes my skin crawl, and the way she talks to him is so performative and unnatural that also makes me skin crawl.
Once she holds him she will not give him back unless for feeding or if i take him out of her arms. When she was waiting for her taxi home last visit, she was cuddling and saying goodbye and then proceeded to walk downstairs with baby, put her shoes on, walk out of the house through the alley way to the street and open the taxi door with baby in her arms. she did this whilst ‘joking’ that she is taking him home with her. i took him out of her hands because she did not offer him back to me. honestly, never has my blood boiled more.
She’s always trying to tell me how to look after the baby when she’s over and insisting on visits because i’ll need help. i’m a nurse and i’m very capable of looking after my baby because of all the practice ive had looking after patients for years.
there’s been some other stuff too but my post is already long. My SO generally understands my distain for her behaviour but also tells me i’m being jealous and need to get over it as he wants our son to have a good relationship with her, even if we don’t. that pisses me off as i wouldn’t say that if my mom was doing something to piss him off. i’m also a new mom and learning how to be one, but she also honestly just keeps triggering something primal in me.
anyway, just needed to vent about her and to also know i’m not crazy.
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Baby rabies and a mamma’s boy husband. You are not crazy.
So not crazy OP, she’s practically begging for a long time out (like past the holidays into 2026) because your new family needs to create it’s own traditions and memories and quite frankly Granny Barb can be the main character somewhere else.
You’re not jealous of her, she’s jealous of you because you’re the mom now and she doesn’t want to relinquish her Mommy crown. She better learn to move over, else she won’t be seeing much of your baby in the future.
Oh god, why are these women all cut from the same fucking cloth? You can read my post here and my MIL-related comments. Having a baby has made me dislike her so much that I don’t even know how to hide it. Same thing – she calls my baby “my little girl” or “my boy”. Says dumb infuriating things like “did you eat something you didn’t like?” Or “did mommy pinch you?” And will not shut up about how my baby looks exactly like my husband and his brother when they were babies. Fucking annoying.
My husband is also like yours. He wants my baby to have a good relationship with his mom because he had one with his grandmother. I told him, however, that my being happy benefits our baby more than any relationship with his mom. And that her desperation to be World’s Best Grandma is really interfering with my being a mom. I’m prioritizing my peace now, and fighting for it myself, especially since my husband sucks at it. MIL wanted to drop by today, but since he was out, I stayed upstairs with my baby. She was napping, but even if she weren’t, I would’ve just stayed upstairs with her until I was sure MIL had left (she helped my husband get some groceries).
How often do you have to see her? I see mine at least twice a week and each visit just stresses the fuck out of me.
Anyway, if you want to chat with someone who is in the same situation, I’m all ears.
“Wants our son to have a good relationship with her even if we don’t” and this is what therapy is for. MIL is the same person, she won’t be better to LO than she was/is to DH and to OP. Ask him WHY he thinks she will be better for LO. Do a little research on some therapists/counselors and suggest that he figure out his relationship with her, and then how the two of you will handle it. Good luck and snuggles
You’re not crazy. As a new mother, I would have been pissed right off. It’s seriously not funny. Nevis the fact that you had to go chasing your MIL to get your baby back when you’re newly postpartum and should be resting.
The taxi stunt was outrageous- she WANTED to upset you.
You have an SO problem for sure.
Your husband has it backwards. If someone doesn’t have a good relationship with the parents (both of them) they don’t get a relationship with the child.
You are not crazy and I am glad to listen. My MIL did stuff like this to me all the time. She called it “poking” me and said she did it because I dared to tell her what to do with her “granddaaaaaaaaughter”. The only thing that worked was embarrassing her loudly and setting consequences that kept her from seeing us. It took years and eventually we just stopped seeing her altogether. Some people just can’t be decent. I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with.
Ok first, scrotum squats/lemon clot essays. Your husband is spineless and expects his mom’s grandma journey to be more important than your first time parent one. She’s gotten to raise her baby. Yours is not a do over. Plus, grandparents have privileges, not rights, and those can be revoked if they get too close to crossing a parental line, which she has done.
I’m sorry, he said you’re JEALOUS to be upset by his mother? What? No, dear. You are not jealous. If anything MIL is jealous because you have a shiny new baby that she wants to play mommy with. I think I’d have ripped my husband’s head off if he said that to me. His mother is probably boasting about her special bond with your baby that you are “jealous” of. In reality your baby is bonded to YOU and she wants to interfere with that.
The only people who need to bond to a baby are its parents/ caregivers. Grandma isn’t essential. Especially if she’s trying to interfere with your bond.
is it possible that your husband is enmeshed? go NC with your toxic MIL
He is putting his moms needs and feelings over your baby’s safety (kissing, for example).
If I was in your position I would demand to my husband that she’s not allowed to see baby again until she apologizes and changes her behavior. Sit down with your husband and write down your boundaries and have him talk to her.
Tell him in order for your child to have a good relationship with her, she needs to respect you as parents and respect your boundaries.
If he refuses to talk to her, the alternative would be you and baby going no contact with her.
She didn’t just cross boundaries, she sprinted past them with your baby in her arms.
“My baby” is one of the creepiest phrases when it’s not coming from the parents.
You’re not crazy, your instincts are screaming for a reason.
The perfume thing gets overlooked, but it’s actually harmful for newborns.
Funny how you’re a nurse and yet MIL thinks you can’t care for your own baby.
Start baby wearing when MIL is around. When she asks why, simply say you don’t need her to hold him and he is more comfortable this way.
Asking SO about YOUR pregnancy but not you? Peak passive-aggressive MIL behavior.
Your SO saying you’re “jealous” is a red flag. You’re setting boundaries, not competing.
The hospital ticket thing shows she doesn’t hear “no,” only “try again.”
You don’t owe her a relationship with your child. She earns that by respecting you.
Totally relate to your post. My relationship with my MIL was fine before I got pregnant and then it really went downhill. We’re still cordial but I cannot stand her.
My newborn smelled like my MIL for over a day after her last visit 🙄
Husband got her a kitchen hand towel that said Nana on it and she actually brought it to our house during her last visit and asked me to take photos of her with it while holding my baby. It was so cringy
She also only communicates with just my husband for updates about the baby and for scheduling visits. Literally wanted to help me during the week when my husband was back at work and didn’t even ask me directly. She knows he’ll never say no to her but I do. He claims she only wants to help, but it’s clearly an excuse to try to see the baby more
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if my husband had a brother i would be 99% sure this post was coming from his wife. it sounds like we have the same mother in law
My blood is boiling for you. Sounds like my mil. We are NC now. She hasn’t seen my baby in 2 months. We plan to keep it that way unless she miraculously changes her behavior- probably would need a brain transplant for that to happen 😂
If she tries to take your baby outside again: Wait for her at the door and say “I will take baby now”
If she gives unsolicited advice say: “Thanks for the suggestion”
When she doesn’t give him back say “I will take baby now”
You are the Mother of that child. You decide what’s best for your baby. Why don’t these MIL’s not get it?? SO needs to have a talk with his Mommy and put your needs first.