Please help. I am losing my mind.
Context: there is this girl(we’ll call her S) who I was classmates with in elementary school and my husband(M) and S was “close” since their moms would try to set them up together on play dates or sleepovers. My husband, a kid at the time, have developed a crush on S but slowly they grew apart since they studied in different countries. Years later M and I started texting and we would start dating each other at the age of 17.
(I’m gonna call my MIL “M’s mom” here since we were still in the dating stage here)
When we first started dating, M’s mom would say things like “do you know S got into an Ivy League school, that’s so impressive right?” At the dining table. Of course it’s impressive and I know I’m not as smart as her so I felt disappointed in myself.
Then when me and M was 19, she would then again, out of nowhere, say stuff like “isn’t S so smart, she’s so intelligent and her family is also rich” I just felt so hopeless and I just went to my room and started crying. M saw me crying so he went and confront his mom then his mom would talk to me, saying how she can say whatever she wants and I should be strong and just take it in.
Me and M are now married at 22. My MIL went to have dinner with my parents and she, once again, starts complimenting S, saying how rich she is, how successful she is. Now I’m doubting myself and I keep thinking how maybe I’m not good enough.
Have you gone through something like this? Any advice would help. I don’t know what to do. And yes I already told my MIL that I don’t like her talking about S.
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I would definitely start reminiscing about that guy friend whose mum was amazing and you wanted as a MIL. She was so supportive, so friendly, so kind! Remember?
I think you should be more confident. She can talk whatever she wants, just ignore it. Especially since she knows this is getting into you, she won’t stop. It is likely she will start doing it even more.
She is doing on purpose to trigger your insecurities.
Your husband raised the issue once, she doesn’t stop then she should face some consequences – reduced dinners, ignore what she says like she is not even in the room with you, completely disregard her and converse about something else.
She needs to understand you are confident in your marriage and in yourself. Show her you are the mature adult woman with own family.
Remember who MIL son married.
He married you.
Not the rich, wonderful paragon of whatever delusions MIL has in her head.
Whoever haven’t moved on from a childhood crush need a teensy bit of therapy to push them into reality.