So my husband’s cousin (MIL’s niece) is getting married out of state (its where she and her fiance live, but a 5 hour plane ride from both of their families).
We received the invite this weekend and noticed it wasn’t addressed to “last name family” or make any mention of our two-year old son. The website nor the invite specified it was a child-free wedding, but I assumed this to be the case based on the above. Not a huge deal. If people want a child-free wedding, they’re totally entitled to one.
Typically, we’d consider doing a quick one-night trip but the wedding is the day after Halloween. Due to some irrelevant stuff from my childhood, Halloween is super special to me and being able to take my son trick or treating and celebrate every year is a big deal.
We talked about bringing him with and trick or treating in neighborhoods by the hotel but I just started a new job and we can’t financially afford to fly in my mom or anyone else to just watch him for a few hours back at the hotel while we’re at the wedding.
My husband and I talked it through and decided we’d be skipping the wedding. I’ll be attending the bridal shower (which is local) and we’ll of course send a nice wedding gift too.
We mentioned this to MIL and she’s immediately thrown off and confused as to why her niece would want a child-free wedding and even if that’s the case, why our son wouldn’t be an exception. She texted her sister who confirmed the wedding would be child-free but also said she’d check in with the bride to see if there’s any exceptions.
She’s saying she wants to refuse to go if our son isn’t invited because weddings should be about families and their joining together. She also said their choice to have the wedding local to them but making it a travel destination to both of their families was a huge financial commitment and to not even consider how that impacts parents is “just wrong”. She also thinks planning it for the day after a kid-friendly holiday like Halloween adds onto the “intentionally bad decision making”.
To be clear, again, I have zero issue with child-free weddings. Is it unfortunate timing, especially considering the need to travel, sure. But I’m not going to make a big deal out of it. She’s acting like I should be outraged over this and view it as the couple saying they don’t accept our son as part of the family. MIL thinks my husband or I should reach out to the bride and try to see if they’d allow our son to come. We will not be doing this, btw.
Really just venting over here. However she’s going to handle this is on her. My husband will probably be sending a quick message to his cousin to let her know we can’t make it but that it has nothing to do with our son not being invited and ensure she knows we don’t take offense to this like MIL has.
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Seems like a good opportunity for your Husband to step in and speak to his Mom about boundaries….
I do not get why some people are hellbent on turning someone else’s wedding into a family reunion. If MIL wants a family reunion, she can plan one herself.
I think you should reach out to the bride to let her know her aunt is stirring up trouble that you have no part in. MIL sounds like the type to think/say she is speaking for EVERYONE because how can she be wrong?
Please reach out to the bride to give them a heads up that MIL is pushing the issue but y’all aren’t.
I would tell your husband to send that message ASAP. I suspect MIL is telling people you and husband are upset that your child is not invited to a child-free wedding. Do it now before you and husband become the bad guys.
By the way, your MIL is a piece of work, but you already know this.
Agree with others that you need to get ahead of MIL. Send a message to cousin and let them know you do not agree with MIL and wish the couple well.
Reach out to cousin asap so they don’t think you’re offended. Tell mil to STFU and stop making something that is not about her, about her. That the way she thinks things should be done is not the only way things are done. It’s their wedding and they call the shots and it’s a shitty thing to do to make them make an exception because she wants to play grandma of the year in front of the whole family. Then every time she continues to rent and go off about it she needs to be told to drop it
It is a very good idea for your husband to send that preemptive note. Because I would bet good money that his mother is going to lie and say that he is devastated that his son is being excluded blah blah blah.
You & your husband are doing the right thing and being totally cool about the fact your LO probably doesn’t want to be at a wedding either. What 2 YO would.
Your MIL is being ridiculous. I hope DH tells her if she wants to start wedding drama, leave you both out of it. What a dumbass hill to die on.
It’s super annoying when people like your MIL think they and their family should be exceptions to the rule. This isn’t even your husband’s sibling getting married and excluding your son/their nephew, this is a cousin.
Have your husband reach out to cousin to tell her that you & your husband don’t have an issue with child-free and this is all MIL. You two could be viewed as entitled guestzillas if it’s not clarified.
Clearly MIL is using your kid not being invited as an excuse for her not to go. Also, maybe your husband can go with his mom while you do Halloween.
Not much to say about the MIL, but my cousin also had a child free wedding with zero actual statement that it was supposed to be child free.
We didn’t go because I was freshly PP plus the toddler so I didn’t want to see people anyway lol
Good, you’re doing the right thing, and communicating directly with the cousin. The jnmil is trying to create drama with the niece, using you all as proxies.