MIL is using therapy as a new form of access and manipulation

After six therapy sessions between my husband and his mom, it’s become clear that while she’s toned down the emotional outbursts, she’s just finding new ways to manipulate.

She cries a lot in therapy, and while she’s not blowing up anymore, the emotional intensity is still there. My husband and I set a boundary that there would be no contact between her and our kids for six months while therapy is ongoing. It’s only been three months, and she’s already brought up the kids multiple times, trying to plan the “first visit” back. We’ve now agreed that the six months may need to be extended if she continues to push the issue and ignores the point of this break.

The last few sessions sounded like they were going well, but when I asked if the therapist planned to start spacing sessions out more (a normal step when progress is happening), my husband said his mom mentioned that three weeks between sessions was “too long” and that she prefers every two weeks. They had to go three weeks once due to a scheduling conflict, and I can’t help but feel like therapy has just become a new way for her to have regular access to my husband.

She’s also brought me up several times in therapy, saying she wants to repair our relationship — but she hasn’t done anything outside of therapy to back that up. No reaching out, no apologies, no effort. This whole process started because my husband was trying to get her to respect our boundaries. And while she’s made some progress on reacting less explosively, it feels like all her energy is going into regaining access to our kids and bypassing any real accountability or repairing things with me.

The silver lining is that my husband is starting individual therapy soon to work through his own issues — and I’m hoping that over time it becomes clearer to him that even if she makes progress, their relationship may never be what he wants it to be. Her manipulations have just gotten quieter and more subtle.

Has anyone else experienced something similar with a family member who shifts tactics but never really changes?