This is mostly a vent, but if anyone has advice, I’ll listen. No pressure though.
This all started about three years ago when my mom got extremely sick. She had a severe bone infection from a bedsore that sent her blood pressure and everything else into chaos. After a CT and MRI, we found out she had TEN strokes.
(For context, she had one in the past, and I knew what that was like — but ten? It was hell.)
Some background on me and my MIL:
I’ve been with my husband for 17 years, and we’ll have been married for 9 years this June. For most of that time, MIL and I got along great. She was warm, welcoming, and made me feel at ease.
When I got pregnant with my son about eight years in, my chronic health issues (epilepsy, migraines, thyroid problems, late-diagnosed ADHD…) made me need more help. We live with my MIL and FIL, and during that time, she started to feel like she had a say in how we raised our son. Thankfully, my husband immediately shut that down.
Back to three years ago:
When my mom was in the ICU after the strokes, she couldn’t move or speak much — the only things she could manage were “help me” and my name.
While I was talking to the doctor, MIL stayed with my mom. The doctor (patronizingly) assumed I was much younger than I am (I’m 4’11” and closer to 40 than 30), and treated me like a child. I handled it — made it clear I was an adult and deserved respect.
Apparently, MIL overheard the last bit and told me my mom wanted me.
Later, MIL claimed that my mom begged her to intervene with the doctors because they “wouldn’t listen” to me. She spun this huge story about my mom pleading with her.
This never happened. My mom could barely speak, and she did not like MIL — she wouldn’t have begged her for anything. All she said, over and over, was “help me.”
Fast-forward to now:
• A couple months ago, MIL made plans to leave town during my birthday weekend. My birthday falls on a Saturday this year. Normally, whatever, I can adjust — except we always have to make sure everyone is free to celebrate her birthday for a whole week.
• Today, she made plans on my husband’s and my wedding anniversary. At this point, it feels extremely intentional and malicious.
A running list of grievances:
• Aggressive behavior (throwing things, getting in people’s faces, slamming doors)
• Passive aggression and underhanded comments (“my way is better than yours”)
• Meddling and giving unsolicited advice
• Doubling down when disrespecting our parenting decisions
• Making everything about herself
Thanks for letting me vent. It’s been a rollercoaster.
Comments
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“Sorry MIL we won’t be available to celebrate your birthday on our anniversary. We’ve decided to do X thing as a couple. We can celebrate your birthday on X day”
Concise as that. And as far as her legit fairy tale about your mom, if she brings it up again I wouldn’t tell her off