MIL not coming to my daughters 1st birthday because she feels unwelcome

I’ve shared on here a few times but the MIL saga continues. We had an okay relationship pre-baby, she did/said things often that hurt but I just let it roll off my back since they live far and we rarely see them. She resents me for being the cause of her son moving away, our wedding wasn’t bougie enough etc yknow the usual.

But once I got pregnant, it went downhill from there! From screaming at my husband on facetime in front of my family at our gender reveal to making a huge stink over us waiting to allow out-of-town guests to visit our newborn (on our ped’s suggestion!) our relationship is in shambles.

She constantly feels like we care more for my family (who live 5 minutes away. in laws live very far away, not reasonable driving distance), and is on my husband’s back about not calling them enough. They eventually agreed to chat once a week on the phone. I knew this wasn’t going to be enough for her but I did what a good wife does and reminded him on those days to give her a call.

He stopped calling her / answering her calls and texts. Each time they would talk it would be a fight about something / her blowing up etc. But she got it in her head that I’m the reason he doesn’t call her, and it kept snowballing. Despite my husband telling her numerous times I had nothing to do with it, and that I was the one reminding him when I could. It’s like she just can’t fathom that it’s her son who doesn’t want to talk to her.

Stuff kept happening. She made a post on Facebook on national sons day and only mentioned his brother, “you are the best son a mom could ask for.” When they did come to visit our daughter for the first time, she complained the whole time and ended up leaving early.

After the last fight she had with my husband she texted him, “do not tell anything I said, I want to see my grandbaby and if you tell her it won’t happen…” I had an issue with that, so I messaged her on my own to confront this. I was respectful but firm. Reminded her that I’m the one who would remind my husband to call her, I am not a barrier in their relationship and won’t continue being treated as such, and that visits are on my terms. All I’m asking is to be treated with basic respect etc. She didn’t respond. I assume it’s due to the fact no one has ever called her out. Instead, she called my husband all pissed off and that they will no longer be coming for her birthday in 1 week and will be going on a tropical vacation instead. She no longer feels welcome.

Also, after we already talked to her about this, she shared my daughters full name and pictures of her on her facebook set to public for the second time. We’ve told her many times she needs permission first and to never post them on public. I have been very intentional about not sharing her name or face online, and so now we have to reach out again while she’s pissed for her to update that. Whatever, my daughter’s privacy comes first.

All I’m asking for is basic respect. She has never once apologized for her words or actions in the many years I’ve been with her son. Thankfully, my husband is long fed up with her and defends me at every turn. He considered not talking to her ever again after their last fight (I wasn’t there, wish I had that context) but his brother and father who he loves dearly all live in the same house and will only visit us if they’re all going (even though they’re adults and could visit if they really wanted)

My husband thinks she’s bluffing about the tropical vacation thing and will still come, but if they don’t it’ll be a blessing – no awkwardness! I can have the party we want with the people who love her.