I’m pregnant and just passed my due date (40+3). In my last post I mentioned MIL making demands about labor and the baby, threatening us to show up at the hospital (we told everyone no visitors at the hospital) if we didn’t follow her demands. Her demands were:
- Inform MIL as soon as I go into labor
- Inform MIL right after baby is born with all baby’s info (weight, exact time he was born etc.)
- Send her at least 4 pictures and a video every single day until she meets the baby.
We told her no to all her demands and told her we will have her removed if she shows up at the hospital. (We’re informing the staff we want no visitors). But also told her we will inform her about baby’s arrival a few hours after he’s born and send everyone a picture of him in the group chat (of course with a message to not post his picture anywhere).
I also explained to her that I don’t feel comfortable telling anyone when labor starts, as it will stress me out. So that is a NO.
After she left I panicked and FH told me she was just joking and would never actually show up, and it seems like she listened and accepted our NO to her demands. I told him I doubt she was joking, and I don’t believe she will respect our no to her demands and will try to push through.
I ignored MIL’s messages (it was just memes and unfunny videos) after that day, and muted her.
Yesterday I found out she has been texting FH, asking him if my bump has “dropped” yet, asking about my midwife appointment etc. Telling him labor hopefully starts very soon if the midwife “messed a bit around” with me doing my appointment (Eww???!). FH told her my appointment went well and didn’t respond to the rest.
On my due date she texted FH “Has labor started? Remember to text me as soon as labor starts”. FH ignored her message.
Yesterday she texted him again “remember to tell me as soon as labor starts. Even if it happens at night, don’t wait until daytime to tell me”
I’m furious. I clearly told her NO (with FH present) and now she’s texting him, completely ignoring that and trying to make it sound like we agreed to inform her. I feel extremely disrespected, and like she’s being extremely selfish and manipulative. It would ruin my trust to FH if he told her, and stress me out during labor, but she clearly doesn’t care about that as long as she can get things her way. I’m at this point also 99% sure she wants to know when labor starts so she can show up to the hospital and try to manipulate FH into letting her meet the baby.
I yelled at FH that she’s being extremely disrespectful to me, that her demands were clearly not a joke since she’s now texting him like he has to tell her, that I’ve had enough and I doubt I will go into labor naturally when I’m constantly stressed and worried because of her. I worry the constant stress is harming the baby.
I worry I will end up having to be induced in approximately 10 days and she will guess I’ve gone into labor because so many days have gone by since my due date (where I live you’ll get induced 12-14 days after the due date if labor hasn’t started).
I told him if I ever get pregnant again, we’re lying about my due date, because this is hell and I feel like she is making me spiral into a depression.
He told her the due date this pregnancy because he trusted her to not go crazy, but look what happened now… he agreed to not do this the next time.
I demanded FH to remove his location on Snapchat etc. which he immediately did (he has previously told me she’s not crazy enough to check his location, which I know she is because she has done this previously in other situations). I also told him she needs to make her stop asking when I go into labor, because if she asks just one more time I’m going no contact and she’s not meeting the baby at all.
He texted her and just told her “we’re not telling you when labor starts, we’re telling you when baby gets here.” To which she responded “ok, but call me when he gets here”. So I think she realized she’s not getting what she wants. I’m still furious though.
Yesterday she sent me a picture (probably something she found on Facebook) with the text “To my dear daughter in law. I didn’t give you the gift of life. I gave you my amazing son. Thank you for not selling him to the circus. I know how tempting that option is some days. Love your mother in law.”
What are your thoughts on this? I feel like it’s manipulative but I can’t pinpoint exactly how. Maybe love bombing? It just feels strange.
I’m so frustrated and I wish I could just block her and never see her again, but I don’t feel like that’s a good option right now as it will cause a lot of drama and conflict, which is the last thing I want or need right now or during our baby’s first weeks of life.
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Other posts from /u/Ok_Feeling2383:
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In your shoes, I would watermark those photos “you were warned not to post this on SM”. I’m very sorry that you’re being subjected to this stress. It certainly wouldn’t be unreasonable to tack on a timeout period before meeting baby as a consequence for this atrocious behavior.
Just bc she’s asking doesn’t mean your DH will tell her. She can ask all she wants—it’s the response that matters. Have your husband mute her until baby arrives, then send an announcement when you’re ready to and include her. She can find out with everyone else. And reiterate the no-visitors rule to your med team.
Don’t let her live in your moment. Focus on your baby and your new growing family. Good luck with the delivery!
If it were me, I’d mute/block her. You already set a boundary and don’t need to respond further. She’ll get the update/picture after birth as you said.
The hospital will ask if you want to give a password or have the visitors desk call to approve visitors. Tell them yes and ensure that they know not to send anyone “ up without confirmation. I’d let husband deal with that so you don’t necessarily need to be stressed if someone random shows up, he’s your barrier.
I’d also tell FH that I don’t want to know about the texts he sends to her, just that he’s aware to shut down any attempt of her manipulating (which, it seems like he’s doing based on the info above). He can simply say “All is well, we’ll let you know after baby arrives” to any question – end convo.
Don’t give her the power; put her in the corner where she belongs. Remove her from your thoughts and focus on your body and baby, relaxing and enjoying your life as 2 as much as you can before baby comes.
Congratulations on your sweet new addition! You’re about to enter a whole new world ❤️
She’s abused her privileges and now they should be revoked. Put her in time out and I wouldn’t tell her the baby is born / no meeting for two weeks.
Every time this is met with a tantrum then extend the window another two weeks.
That woman is insane. I’m sorry she is making this such a stressful time for you, ruining what should be a happy experience.
Hopefully FH will flat out tell her that she is in time-out for the next month and if she tries ANYTHING. it will be extended. He needs to mute her on his phone & only respond once a week until the baby is older. Tell him you want to hear nothing about her until you ask. (Yes, this can be hard because you want to know what she is up to.)
Yes, she will have a temper tantrum. Too bad, so sad that she has to face consequences of her actions.
Blessings to all three of you.
It’s both. She’s on crotch watch to see if it takes a while to get you to answer her messages and it’s a guilt trip that she “loves” you so much so you feel guilty not giving her what she wants
My gosh, sounds like she has a weird compulsive need to know. But that sounds like a her problem. You don’t need to do anything apart from focusing on your labour & delivery. Your FH should be under no illusion that if his attention turns to his mum during the birth, then he’s doing something very wrong. And if she tries to show up or manoeuvre her way in, that’ll be your relationship with her ruined.
Make sure “read” receipts are turned off on texts, she’s seeing if you’re scrolling and checking your phone.
You previously posted about her ordering a white coat to sneak in. If she does anything like that, press the call button. Tell the staff that you don’t know her. They’ll get rid and when she complains after, you point out that she broke into the L&D unit, which is supposed to be a secure safe area.
>Thank you for not selling him to the circus. I know how tempting that option is some days.
“I didn’t sell him, but offered his mother. They declined.”
What a pill that woman is!
And I’m sorry to say, there will be drama and conflict, no matter what you do. She won’t let it be otherwise.
Your FH needs to keep up with what he’s doing and you need to just step back. Don’t engage, don’t contact her. When she comes to visit, wear your baby or take him to your bedroom and lock the door.
She sounds like one of those MILs who will grab him from you and not give him back, sneak kisses and pretend to be his mommy.
Good luck with the birth, and much love and laughter for your family!
I would not answer her at all, because when you do go into labor and stop answering, she’ll get a hunch and show up.
She’s seeing if you’ll respond and assumes that if neither of you respond then you’re in labor.
She is also sending this stuff like you “owe” her for her “giving you” her son, and without her you wouldn’t even be having this baby, of course!
Block her and make sure you register private at the hospital and tell them no visitors. You need to be listed as private so she can’t call the hospital and find out you’re there.
Seriously, F her. Block her and threaten FH that if he tells her anything, he won’t be at the birth either. Tell him to let his balls descend and stand up to his mommy.
OP please just block her.
And why on earth is your husband friends with her on Snapchat? That seems really odd. Mommy doesn’t need to know every detail about his life. I highly recommend cutting family members (especially older ones) from social media. They just don’t use or understand it the same way.
It’s time for DH to grow a shiny spine and stop responding to these messages. He needs to eliminate stress for you right now and not let his mother (or anyone for that matter) add stress for you. All locations off and have her muted.
Send this message
“ we know you are very excited for “baby’s” arrival but this time is very stressful for (op). Since you are having a hard time respecting OUR boundaries WE think it is best to mute and cease all communication with you for the time being. We will make you aware of “baby’s” arrival but right now we would like some peace and quiet as we prepare for “baby’s” arrival. Thank you for understanding.”
“I gave you my amazing son?” Wtf? Does your husband know he’s chattel? How many goats 🐐 did you have to pay for him?
My guess is that her ‘nice’ text is an attempt to appease you because it’s finally dawned on her that you’re pissed because of her overstepping. Just take it for what it is, say thanks, and continue to ignore her. It sounds like you’ll be baby wearing a lot once the little one is here!
She specified that she wants all the baby’s info immediately. I bet she wants it because she’s going to post it everywhere. I would announce it to everyone you want to announce it to *before* telling her anything.
If DH tells her when you are in labor, she will constantly be texting him for updates. He will spend your labor answering MIL’s texts (or she will keep bombarding him until he does) instead of supporting you during labor. And if you tell him to ignore her, he’ll leave you alone while he runs into the hall to communicate with her behind your back. How do I know—because someone else posted this exact scenario and outcome.
you should get the baby/child photo sharing app that has been mentioned on this sub before (forget the name tho). it allows you to share pics that cannot be downloaded or screenshot.
she won’t have a choice about sharing photos that way. because even with a message about not sharing the photo… seems like she still will.
you are doing amazing!!!
You need to stop letting her live rent free in your head, you already have a new tenant that needs your attention. Your husband seems to be taking the wheel to drive away crazy, let him. Good luck and now go rest .
Oh goodness, I am so sorry.
As someone who had extended family pressuring me to announce my c section date for their own benefit, I understand. And if I have another, I will not be announcing the date.
My husband and I enforced a no contact rule 48 hours before birth because I did not want well wishes and messages on the day of birth. Of course, my MIL couldn’t help herself and messaged him on the day (fine, whatever), but it worked pretty well.
My advice would be to cease contact and let FH know that any information around labour, etc, is off limits between him and MIL.
And please, please consider some serious boundaries postpartum with this woman. If my MIL acted like that, I would most certainly not have her visit whilst I was in hospital. You’re going to have to be so, so firm on boundaries with this woman.
Make sure your FH puts his phone on aeroplane mode when bub is on their way and after bubs arrival. Allows you to take pictures, videos etc but without any calls coming through.
I strongly suggest limited, timed visits and a firm rule around you passing baby to her only if you’re comfortable and only when you decide. I can see this woman absolutely pestering you postpartum and grabbing baby etc.
The sooner you and FH put your foot down firmly, the better. She sounds nutty.
Don’t send a picture of the baby, with info, to the family group chat until AFTER you’ve posted it online.
MIL will announce the birth, complete with pic and info before you. She wants the attention on her, not you or baby.
Don’t give her ANY information until you are going public. That way she can’t steal that from you, which she intends to do
Block her and let others deal with everything else. Don’t let her spoil those last moments of pregnancy. It must be already exausting for you. Wish you a safe delivery and lots of happiness on your new journey. ❤️
In your place I’d start answering her text to your husband. Ensure she understands you are a team and that he does not keep secrets from you.
I had the same type of thing happen with my MIL. As a matter of fact she has spoiled a lot of important moments in my life and made them about what she wanted. It’s hard because even if you ignore her she doesn’t stop and you feel anger and question yourself. As hard as it is practice not thinking about her and try to put protections in place to make sure she doesn’t cross your boundaries. One suggestion would be have your husband ignore all conversations having to do with the baby or labor.
Respond…
I’ll keep the husband, but how much do you think I’ll get for you if I sell you to the circus?
I know it’s hard but you are giving her too much head space.
Remember YOU are in control. You get to decide who knows about your labor, who in the hospital, who sees pictures of your baby, who gets to meet baby. Make sure your husband is 100% on board and let him know how it will damage your marriage if he lets you down.
Let her speculate and scheme. Let her demand and cry. It’s not her pony show. It’s not about her (and I imagine thats bugging the hell out of her).
I suspect she is so frantically anxious for the deets because she wants to post about it on the book of faces before even you, probably to imply that she was there for the Big Event. Don’t give her anything she can use until you’ve already posted your pictures and birth details (and I’m a petty Betty so I’d say something about how lovely it was for you and your husband to experience this alone, as a couple). I’d also tell her she is not allowed to post your baby’s face online.
But until big day, bounce on your yoga ball, eat pineapple and Taco Bell, and drink raspberry leaf tea to get that motor running. Don’t stress about what your MIL is doing in her home (likely frothing at the mouth whilst continuously checking her phone). Just be peaceful, confident in your control of the situation (except your water could break at any moment and just between me, you, and about a million redditors that feeling is super gross).
All jokes aside- don’t stress, if you feel your mind heading in that direction take deep breaths and remember your mantra: you are in charge.