My in laws and I had a fairly good relationship pre-pregnancy. MIL minded her business and my husband and I would see them on important occasions. As soon as we announced our pregnancy, mil became overbearingly close. I didn’t have a big issue with her messaging and visiting as i understood that she’s excited and i appreciated the excitement.
Now that baby is born (she’s 5 months now), MIL’s possessiveness over baby is super concerning and frustrating to me. Ever since baby was born, she’s wanted to visit very often and hold baby for hours on end, watches her sleep, doesn’t give her back to me if she cries or if I ask for her, calls her “my baby”, says baby looks like her and continues to say it even when we say she doesn’t, and completely ignores me and hubby while focusing all her attention on the baby. She expects me to hand over my ebf baby to her every single time we’re in the same space, whether baby is asleep or awake.
I thought she would get less possessive but she’s even more possessive now at 5 months. Husband does a great job setting boundaries and communicating when things aren’t okay, but she doesn’t seem to respect it. I don’t want to cut her off as I do value family and loving grandparents, but I’m starting to get really frustrated and annoyed at her behaviour. Just her presence makes me anxious and on edge. Idk how I’m going to deal with her for the rest of my child’s life. Does it get better? Should I be concerned about her behaviour or is this normal?!
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She sounds really annoying. It’s great that your husband is setting boundaries for sure, but your problem is she isn’t tasking it seriously.
Maybe pull back a little? If she wants to visit, limit it to when it works for you only so it’s not overwhelming. If she wants to hold baby, tell her you’ll let her know when you’re ready to hand her over. If she calls your baby her baby, tell her baby’s actually all grown up and the one is yours. Small things to address all the things that are bothering you, and hopefully in the long run the visits won’t be as bad or filled with anxiety.
Cut back the amount of time she spends with baby. “I’m just on my way over” “That doesn’t work for us, we’ll arrange a more convenient time for a couple of hours maybe next week.”
Your MIL’s possessiveness over your baby has intensified since birth, making you feel anxious and frustrated. Despite setting boundaries, she continues to visit frequently, hold the baby for long periods, ignore your requests, and claim the baby as “hers.” Your husband supports you, but her behavior persists. You value family and don’t want to cut her off, but her actions make you uneasy. It’s normal to feel protective as a new mom, and while some grandparents get overly attached, consistent boundary-pushing isn’t healthy. Consider discussing your feelings openly with your husband and MIL to reinforce boundaries, and seek support if needed.
Husband needs to keep upping the boundries, you need to step back and spend less time with her, especially as it’s putting you on edge – that energy is not good for the baby.