My MIL and I get along just okay but I feel she is too involved and it drives me crazy!! Ever since I became pregnant my partner and I agreed I wouldn’t work a traditional job until our daughter started school at 3 yrs old. I have my own doula business which means I get to make my own schedule and only work a couple days out of the month. We are comfortable and thankfully have enough to get by and save. However, my MIL has been pressuring me to work ever since our daughter was a couple months old by telling me about jobs and constantly talking about how a two income household is important. Her and my FIL have always worked and split bills down the middle, leaving my partner and his brother w babysitters she barely knew, one of which molested my husband when he was a few years old. This contributed to my husband’s stance on me staying home with our daughter until she’s a little older.
This escalated last week when her and her friend put an interview together for me for a front desk position without even asking me about my availability. Now I’m stuck with a commitment I didn’t even agree to. I feel crazy for being upset bc I feel like she means well and probably just thinks we have money problems or something. I have no idea how to even express myself to her bc she’s very confrontational and I know she will be upset if I tell her how I really feel. Wondering if anyone has gone though something similar
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You aren’t stuck with anything. Don’t go to the interview, you didn’t arrange it.
Just because she is confrontational doesn’t mean you have to go along with it.
Your husband needs to shut this down. It’s his family, his circus. He needs to tell his mother that this is both of your decision and if she doesn’t respect that and continues on then she will be in a timeout. And you need to make sure you have those consequences for her actions. Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions. He’s not being helpful she’s demanding and pushing for you to go back to work because she’s probably angling to be that babysitter.
You aren’t stuck with a commitment. Call the interviewer and tell them you aren’t available and weren’t even asked if you wanted an interview. Then your hubby needs to grow a spine and shut his mom down. He needs to Tell her it’s not up for discussion
No is a complete sentence. You don’t want the job, tell her you won’t go and she needs to cancel the interview.
You’re not stuck with any commitment. Your husband needs to put an end to that.
She doesn’t mean well, she is trying to force her lifestyle on you and your husband. Not ok.
The job interview isn’t your commitment. You can call and let them know that you won’t be going but that isn’t your responsibility.
I would make your husband tell her once and for all that this situation works for the both of you and she needs to stop meddling. If she brings it up, end the conversation or leave. Don’t play nice and explain, just tell her the subject is closed and her opinions are not welcome.
Who says you have to go? You and your husband need to put a stop to this. Who cares if she’s confrontational. She’s doing it because you allow her to stomp all over you. Your husband needs to tell her to leave you alone about working, how your household runs is none of her business and is extremely inappropriate to set up interviews for you. But you also need to shoot her down if your husband is not in the room or she’s calling/texting only you.
You didn’t make the commitment so technically not yours. Your husband needs to step up and his parents know they are crossing a line. State your boundaries and stick to them.
I absolutely would not go. Does she currently work? Sounds like a ploy for her to be the babysitter. My mil wanted me to work so she could retire and basically become the mother to our son. She was so pissed when that didn’t go her way. She tried so much over the years to push me out of the picture to push her way in. We finally moved 4 hours away and now we’re nc. She can’t for her life figure out why.
Why would you be obligated to go to something you never initiated in the first place? Don’t go. She doesn’t think you have money problems, she’s controlling you. She’s likely trying to get you out of the house because she expects to babysit LO alone.
Tell your MIL that as she applied for the job she will be attending the interview. You aren’t stuck with anything other than a pushy, interfering MIL
No, you’re not stuck with any commitment. She made this appointment, not you. She needs to butt out, and your husband needs to crack down on this. This is not acceptable behavior.
Not overreacting and you aren’t stuck with a commitment. Contact the company and tell them that you never agreed to this interview and aren’t interested in the position. If MIL looks bad, that’s her own fault. I would spend less time around her if she can’t mind her business.
>her and her friend put an interview together for me for a front desk position without even asking me about my availability. Now I’m stuck with a commitment I didn’t even agree to.
not really, theres no law stating you have to show up to the interview. blow that shit off, you didn’t choose it or schedule it. you are stuck with nothing but shitty inlaws. tell your husband to reel in his mother and his reason of why you are staying home with baby.
so that her past mistakes don’t get repeated with your daughter.
Don’t go. You didn’t commit to it. And let me guess-once you’re working, she wants to be your childcare provider?
You are perceiving her as meaning well, but I urge you to look at this as disrespect. She does not trust you and your husband enough to manage your money/ lives/ workload on your own. So because she does not think you are capable of managing your life, she is doing it for you.
I think a very appropriate response would be…. Mil, I hope that you mean well by doing this, but it is not appropriate- so please stop. Please cancel the interview. My husband and I have decided I will not work. Once I am in the market to work again (several years from now) I will let you know if I need any assistance. Moving forward, me working or having a job is a topic that is COMPLETELY off limits. Thank you
Definitely don’t go. That will just make her more determined. Husband needs to tell her to stop WITH CONSEQUENCES if she doesn’t. All you do now is say, “We’ve already discussed this, and I’m not going to talk about it again.” Over and over again. But the consequences should stop her. Make them meaningful!
Sounds like you and your husband have talked out your plans thoroughly, which is great. It’s none of your MIL’s business, nor anyone elses. Just ignore, don’t attend the interview. What a bunch of busy bodies. Maybe your husband can tell her to back off as well.
No, you’re not stuck with it. You’re an adult and can refuse to go. Your husband needs to shut her down.
Send the people an email and say your MIL has spoken for you without your permission and you’re sorry she wasted their time, and you will not be interviewing. Don’t waste your time or the job’s time interviewing someone who doesn’t want the job. YOU didn’t make this commitment, MIL did.
Start telling her to knock it off with the comments and these topics aren’t up for discussion anymore. Better yet, have your husband do it. “OP and DH decide how they will live their own lives as far as jobs, finances, and parenting. Your opinion isn’t wanted or needed. You majorly overstepped by setting up an interview for OP. Any further pushing from you will result in us taking a long break from you.” Then refuse to discuss it, end the visit or call when she pushes her agenda, and the a time out.
Stop caring she will get her feelings hurt. She didn’t care about yours.
Her behavior is wildly inappropriate. Stop her now. Tell her NO. If it were me, I’d actually say we aren’t leaving her with anyone because we don’t want the same thing to happen to her, that happened under her watch with your SO- but I’m petty like that.
She is OUT OF HER LANE. Tell your SO to get her back in it. And never discuss employment with her. Ever.