Hi everyone, I’ve been lurking for years but this is the first time I feel peeved enough to write about it, though there have been other, more identifying issues. You might consider this a bit of a witch eating crackers issue, I’ve definitely read a lot worse on here over the years, but she’s been giving signs of getting worse over the four years so and I have been living together. I’m 42f, SO is 43m and his mum (65) lives just a few numbers down the street.
We’ve just been on holiday for a few days. Just before leaving mil finds out we’ve asked a long-time, trusted friend to feed our furry friends while we’re away and pitches a complete fit about it. “How could you ask a stranger? Why didn’t you ask me? My son doesn’t trust me!” It’s my fault, of course, but it just came out in conversation and I had no idea she’d be so offended. Our friend has done this before for us, we leave for about a week or so at least once a year. My so hadn’t arrived yet by that time but she really had it for him and was threatening all sorts of uncomfortable situations and things we can’t sort out for her the night before our flight.
I was feeling guilt and trying to minimise things, I had also asked her to water the plants outside, which she could do easily living so close. SO comes in and has a real argument with her. She literally says “oh you don’t trust me because you know I’m going to throw out those terrible shorts you (SO) wear!” and I’m thinking wow you really just admitted you would go through all our stuff, though I’m just eating in silence while they scream at each other. Luckily he manages to calm her down and we’re off to pack and we leave the next day.
So we’ve just got back and she’s managed to change the whole potted plant arrangement and she pruned plants I never asked her to, and I’m sitting here feeling like going over there and telling her “this is why we don’t let you in the house! Case in point!”
Uff!
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I’d say exactly that to her! And next time, don’t try to save her feelings by allowing her to have a task. Just ask your friend to water the plants while she’s already there and MIL can get tf over it.
Interestingly my daughter and I just had a conversation about this. When they go out of town, I feed the cats. Daughter drops off a key and I return it. I was thinking I should just have a copy but would never make one without her ok. She was thinking they should just give me a copy, but they haven’t had time and she didn’t want to ask me to do a chore for them. We were on the same page, but different paragraphs. I have her keys and before I return them I’m making a copy. She knows I’d never just walk in without approval and I’d never rearrange anything.
As a child pet sitting for my parents i would never have thought to go thru their things while they were gone. I did however stay in the house (i was a teen then) nowadays if i were to pet sit for them (usually my sister or brother does it because i live 8 hours and 3 states away) i still wouldn’t do much more than maybe clean up and dust and i would still leave their shit alone. Im a nosey person ill admit, but rummaging thru peoples belongings or taking it upon myself to toss things (other than obvious trash) blows my mind.
Do you have a key to her place? Thinking her whole kitchen needs rearranging. The closets and linens might need some attention, too 😉
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but like you said, she just proved y’all right. Group text so everyone receives the same message at the same time: “MIL we just got back and you’ve managed to change the whole potted plant arrangement and pruned plants you should not have touched. This is why we don’t let you in the house while we’re away. Thank you for making our point!”
Absolutely tell her off about your plants, and, yes! Tell her she has shown she can’t be trusted/ relied upon to not do stuff she shouldn’t be doing.
If it were me, I’d send her a text and ask her why she rearranged your plants and cut them. Then no matter what she says (because there is nothing that would make this ok, but I’d be interested in her reasoning ) I would tell her that
…is why she wasn’t the first person asked.
And that knowing we were uneasy with her alone in our home for that reason, yet gave her a chance, she still managed to overstep, and that there will be no more tantrums, tears or discussions about why she isn’t asked ever again.
Exactly why only my husband & I have keys to our house. She definitely would go through my closet , make remarks about our house being messy etc. She hates the colors we paint everything too. Not everyone likes to live in a beige house. We like color. When we had a cat I would not trust her to clean the litter box or watch her She thinks all cats should be outside.
Love it that she said she was going to go through your shit and throw it away. Isn’t it fun when they out themselves!
This reminds me of the time my MIL outed herself as a giant bitch to my nibling in a Facebook comment (that was public for all the world to see). Nibling posted a new profile photo. MIL comments, “Oh, nibling, you have much better photos than this one.” Then in the family group chat, all the aunts and uncles compliment nibling on her new profile photo. And nibling says to the group chat, “Thanks everyone. We all know Gran didn’t like it!”
Not exactly the same situation, but I just can’t help but to love it when the mask comes off!
I bet you 5 bucks that she’ll say she was trying to help if you call her out on the plants. They’re always “helping” and refuse to see it for what it is – controlling. I bet the plants didn’t even need pruning and that your pot plant placement was fine. It’s always about what THEY think it should be like and not being respectful of other people’s properties.
Don’t make a big deal over it now. Wait until you go out of town and tell her x friend will be doing the pet sitting. When she blows a gasket again, just flat out tell her your friend promised to only water your plants and not to prune and rearrange them. And if she does anything else then ask for your key back or change the locks.
Do it. Go tell her. I don’t see any reason not to. Just be really for the fallout of her throwing a temper tantrum.