I’m 23 weeks pregnant and starting to make plans on who in the family will come help and visit the baby after I give birth. Every family member lives out-of-state. We currently live in a large city and I’m due around the holidays, so we wanted family to book flights and hotels early.
My due date is mid-Dec (of course babies can come before or after that) and my mom scheduled her flight late Dec to early Jan. She might see the birth, she might see the baby when she’s 1-2 weeks old. I obviously know there are illness risks with people flying in at this time, but I’ll want some help from at least my mom who will mask on the plane to stay safe and am okay introducing one person to our family bubble.
I proposed that my MIL visit around mid-January, when the baby is 3-5 weeks old. I’ll be more recovered from birth by then and the visit won’t overlap with my mom, so each grandma will get more time with the baby. MIL immediately said “i can’t wait that long to see that baby!! maybe we’ll come right when you have her and then I’ll come back later to help”
Personally I think waiting 3-5 weeks is totally reasonable, but I spoke with my husband and am okay with a super short visit after at least 1 week. He talked to his mom about this who laughed and said “No way! You’ll definitely need us. We’ll fly up and book a hotel when she goes into labor and we’ll just wait for you guys to call us over whenever you want”
I REALLY don’t want to have in-laws around when I’m immediately postpartum, full stop. I don’t want to play pass the baby or have to ask for my baby back or have to get dressed to have people over. I don’t want their help for the first week or so. I could maybe do a 1-2 hour visit max if they lived in town but they’re flying from out of state, and of course there will be more pressure for them to visit once they’re here.
I guess we just ignore them while they’re here but I don’t want this extra layer of stress over my head that they’re in my city (or down my block??) and probably trying to convince me or my husband to let them come over while I’m trying to recover and bond with my baby. My husband told his mom their visit isn’t welcome before at least 1 week and we won’t be seeing them before that, but they still seem insistent on coming. I guess I’m just blocking their number and preparing a hotel room for myself for that week if they try to come over anyway. It’s insane they’re destroying a relationship with their daughter in law & granddaughter just to see her 3 weeks early.
I already feel a little heartbroken and stressed about postpartum now and my baby isn’t even here yet. I’m thinking about getting my doctor to write a note saying no visitors for 2 months for health reasons just to have an excuse they’re more likely to listen to.