Hi everyone, just need to vent and maybe get some perspective.
My MIL just got back from a three-week vacation. She returned last Saturday and immediately texted me asking to come over on Sunday to see our son. I told her Sunday wouldn’t work for us, but suggested Monday or Tuesday instead since my husband would be home then and it would be easier for all of us.
Apparently, that wasn’t good enough.
Instead of accepting that and making a plan, she never reached out on Monday or Tuesday and ignored my husband’s calls and texts. Eventually she turned around and called my husband to complain that we make it too hard to see her grandson. She also is complaining to him about me specifically not letting her come over. We have a decent enough relationship but honestly I just wasn’t prepared for a visitor when she texted me as I’m still adjusting to life as FTM to a 4 month old.
Mind you, this is literally the day after she got back from her own extended vacation. The first time we gently set a boundary — just asking her to wait a day or two — and she immediately goes nuclear and starts making wild accusations.
Thanks for reading. I’m open to advice, but mostly just needed to get this off my chest.
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Your partner should be managing scheduling with his mother, not you. It would be one thing if she was reasonable and you two had a good relationship but that is not your current situation.
Someone who’s been traveling for 3 weeks should not be around a 4-month-old. She needs to quarantine for a time first!
Then calls husband to shit talk you.
‘Ah well then Mildred, stay home and sulk whilst I snuggle my baby.’
No visit for her until she apologises for being an ungrateful bitch.
Ignore the whining, both of you. Make a note of the time she called (day after vacation), what you offered instead and the fact that she ignored your husband’s calls. Keep a list and throw it back at her when she whines that she hasn’t seen your child. I would also talk to your husband about a “no whining zone”, No whining on the phone!
Good news! If she doesn’t like how you make plans with her, then it’s not your responsibility anymore! Let husband deal with it and see how she likes it when she has to work around his schedule now
“You’re my mother. It’s not my wife’s responsibility to host you. You can come when I invite you or not at all.” – your dh