Ive been with my husband for 10 years, ive had a cordial relationship with his mum during that time but ive never spent any one-on-one time with her.
My daughter is now 5 months old. Ive already had to assert boundaries with her as she was very pushy with visits and then was passive aggressive with when we declined and made things awkward when we did see her. My FIL told my husband that she is annoyed that that my mum is getting to see our baby more than she is – this is true as i see my mum whilst on maternity leave but its my mum and it is what it is.
Since words have been said ive remained polite and we see her every 3-4 weeks. She is currently off work for 6 weeks over summer and has text me asking do i want to go for a ‘girly lunch’ whilst she is off work.
I have no desire to spend any time with her other than the times i see her with my husband. This just feels like a guise to see my baby and she doesnt actually want to spend any time with me, like i said she has never made any effort to build thay sort of relationship in the last 10 years so i wont be doing it now. I text back and just said ‘ill let you know’ which we all know is polite code for no. And she replied ‘that’s great, hopefully see you soon’.
I know that she will ask me again and i just dont know what to say without appearing rude. Im actually flabbergasted that shes even asked given what i have said to her previously.
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Go to the girly lunch. Leave your baby with your mom or your husband. When she acts confused, tell her that you understood girly lunches to mean adults.
Her reaction will betray her motives, I’m sure.
I would tell her you would love to go to lunch as you could use a break from the baby. If she back peddles then tell her that if she wanted more time with her grandchild she should have taken the time to build a relationship with you in the past and now that ship has sailed.
My MIL is the same. Except she would never pollute her time with just seeing me on my own and harassed my husband for constant access. I’m just an incubator who needs to hand over baby and go away.
News flash I didn’t, she had the hugest tantrum at 6 months pp and now we’ve been NC for six months.
Go to lunch!! But leave LO with your mother. See if she truly wants to spend time with you
If she asks again, simply text back, “I’ve looked at my schedule, I’m not available. Thanks.”