I am pregnant with my first baby and having a scheduled c-section. MIL is insisting on being in the waiting room during the surgery. She’s already been told by DH that we are NOT taking visitors the day of, and will play it by ear the rest of the time based on how I’m feeling. I already plan to tell the hospital staff that there will be NO visitors until I alone give explicit permission as the patient.
She then suggested that he go out to eat with her nearby the hospital on the day of my surgery. He told her no, but didn’t seem to think the request was as out of line as I do. I feel like it’s ridiculous to ask him to leave the hospital AT ALL during the few days we will be there.
Side note: is it normal for people to want to be in the waiting room during a c-section even if they can’t visit the mom or baby that day?? I understand the excitement and “wanting to be there if anything is needed,” but there’s literally nothing she can do for us by being there.
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She knows better. Why do they need to do this?????
If my DH left to go get lunch with his mom post CS, I’d tell him not to come back. She knows better!
And no, it’s not normal. Surgery is done in a sterile room and you get a support person. You certainly aren’t allowed an audience, unless it’s that kind of hospitals.
She’s doing that so she can beg him to let her into the hospital. Hold strong. He alone has to be there to care for YOU.
Also, seems common that people want to be in the waiting room, but I think it’s weird. Normal labor can take a while, and even for c-sections, let the new little family have some peace and quiet FFS. The last thing I want to think about is the herd of people waiting outside for the baby announcement. Too much pressure.
I think I’d have trouble relaxing, knowing someone I don’t want present is hanging around the building like a poltergeist, waiting for the chance to pop out. The only reason she might be needed is if God forbid you die, and your husband needs her as support. But seems super creepy to be banking on that as the reason to hang around. Otherwise, all hubby’s attention oughta be on you and baby.
Ohh she’s trying to be sneaky. Hold firm OP
Not overreacting. She’s being sneaky and is going to do everything she can to be there, including guilt tripping your husband during stressful or emotional moments. He needs to be concerned about you and you ONLY that day and the ones following.
No. She’s hoping that her son will allow her to come in. Someone made a mistake telling her the date of your surgery. If I misunderstood and you’ve not told her the date, do not.
No, this is not normal and this is quite frankly also a husband problem. He needs to tell her to stay home and if she does show up he needs to refuse to go out and see her.
This is a major medical event and your husband’s ONE JOB on this day is to be your support person. In the event that you are incapacitated your husband is your and your baby’s proxy for important medical decisions; it is wildly inappropriate that his mother suggested he leave the hospital and neglect this duty.
You need to sit your husband down and explain to him how serious this is and he needs to let you know now if he is not up to the task so you can designate someone else. I am seriously so offended for you that he’s so casual about his mother overstepping like this.
Also note that having a scheduled C-section does NOT mean it will happen at the scheduled time. If someone shows up in labor, depending on the situation, scheduled not urgent csections can get pushed back. Mine was at least two hours later than scheduled.
So if your C-section is at 10 so MIL thinks lunch will be a perfect celebration with her son, she’s ridiculously on sooooooo many accounts. C-section might not happen til 1, so obviously hubby is not going to be leaving in the middle for lunch. In addition to all the other reasons why she’s insane for suggesting this.
Day of birth is a time for loved ones to support the mom giving birth. Whatever she needs. For a husband, that typically means he be with her. (Unless he needs to be with the kids.)
I do think it’s normal to be in a waiting room even if they can’t visit. If someone I care about is the hospital for a procedure that might go sideways, I do like to offer my support in the waiting room to my main loved ones. I’m not just talking about c-sections, I’m talking about all the other procedures you can have that have an inherent risk to them. Not just death but complications, etc. Sometimes its helpful to have a person there who can act like a runner, to go grab coffee or snacks, move the car, etc. I don’t think that’s creepy like another commenter suggested… seems caring to me!
That said, she doesn’t seem to be coming at it from that place, as she’s suggesting that they both leave while you and your child have major surgery??? So yes, it does seem like some weird ploy to get to see the baby while you recover. Ultimately you know her and if that’s the vibe you are getting, trust your gut!
She wants to see the baby, and by being in the hospital waiting room she thinks hubby will let her in for a visit. And she’s trying to get husband away from you. Stand firm, tell husband and the hospital staff that NO ONE is to see the baby without your permission.
FYI, while you’re still in surgery/recovery is when you could be separated from the baby. Be certain your husband doesn’t sneak out then with the baby for his mommy to see/hold the baby before you!!
She’s intending to exploit your and your husband’s vulnerability in order to boundary stomp. That’s why she wants to hang out in the waiting room. She’s counting on brought to be exhausted, both of you to be overjoyed, and she can ignore your no without consequences. That’s what she means by being there just in case.
From the stories I’ve read on here you need a no phone rule on the day to stop your DH being continually hounded for information and distracted from being in the moment together with you. It should also help to protect you both from the inevitable requests to just pop in and meet baby seeing as how we’re in the waiting room.
Maybe put your phones onto airplane mode so you can still use camera function for family pictures but not see any calls/messages coming in.
Wishing you all the best for your new arrival!
Gently, don’t have visitors at all in the hospital post c-section. Just keep it to you and your husband (and your parents if you wish).
I am a FTM who had a c-section and honestly it’s next level with learning how to move after major abdominal surgery, suddenly not having the weight of a baby inside you and on top of that…caring for a baby 24/7 right away.
Don’t have visitors.
She wants to manipulate her way into the room by getting your husband alone.
Trust me when I say, you’ll be paralysed for a good 16 hours and will not be able to take your baby back if she takes them. I had to be reassured and comforted when the midwives had to do blood sugar tests on my baby (GDM pregnancy) and she was gone for all of five minutes.
We had my ILs come over when we got home and my MIL was just…she actually ruined my first night home. If I have any more children I’ve told my husband I don’t want to see her for at least a month after having a baby. He agrees as well.
You can’t stop her from being in the waiting room, but what you can do is just let her rot there. Tell the nurses the situation, and let them know she is NOT to have access to your room or the baby, period. I’d request that the baby does not leave your side unless there’s an emergency. All testing can be done on the bedside. Let mil feel stupid for sitting there all day and being sent home after visiting hours.
>Side note: is it normal for people to want to be in the waiting room during a c-section even if they can’t visit the mom or baby that day??
She’s waiting until you are incapable of physically throwing her out of a room and hoping she can manipulate her son or one of the medical team into letting her touch your baby.
Your husband needs to shut her down and tell her that she’s not to dit in the waiting room, and that he will call her when the three of you are ready to have a visitor – with a minimum of 7 days after you deliver, that may be extended based on your decisions.
Her being in the waiting room is simply her doing her best to manipulate her way into your room and your experience. Believe me, she isn’t planning on staying in the waiting room.
She’s 100% planning on guilt tripping husband once you are incapacitated. Make sure you and DH are on the same page.
I’m so sorry. I understand your rage perfectly. I had to look twice at your title, because my MIL did the exact SAME thing to me. IL’s live close to the hospital I was delivering at. We were at their house visiting and I had a planned C-section. She asked H if he might want to come over for lunch while I was in the hospital. I was incensed. I told her if he left me at the hospital we would be getting a divorce. It’s probably what she was hoping to hear, but I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to suggest he leave me and our child alone at the hospital. We wanted MIL to come to the hospital waiting room, so everyone could see the baby and then we wouldn’t have lots of visitors. MIL refused. She asked me if my parents would be there (why wouldn’t they?) and when I told her yes, she said she wasn’t coming because she wouldn’t be needed. To this day, I don’t know what the hell she thought she was going to be needed for. She showed up later and was in the room during my first moments with my son. I had my son awhile back and they didn’t prioritize immediate skin to skin with c-section mom’s so it was about 2 hours before I saw him and that witch was sitting in the room interrupting a special moment for our new family. Stand your ground and don’t allow her access. Your husband needs to stand up to her. She is challenging you for position with your husband. We are NC for more than 10 years now and it was the best decision of our lives!
I don’t have any children but I would absolutely hate if my MIL was in the waiting room waiting after surgery. It would cause anxiety for me knowing she’s in the waiting room