I’m going to start this by saying I’m 5 cm dilated, 39.5 weeks pregnant, on the precipice of labor. So I’m extremely hormonal.
My 3 year old has been newly diagnosed with food allergies, wheat, soy and tomatoes. We are 3.5 weeks into a 12 week elimination diet to determine the severity of her allergies. Her allergist specifically told us to avoid restaurants during this time because of the soy allergy (as it’s very hard to avoid in restaurants ).
I told my in-laws this before they came here and since they’ve been here . They flew in from out of town to be here for when the baby is born and to spend time with our 3 year old. I told them we don’t take her out to eat except for one bakery/cafe because they are completely wheat and soy free (tomatoes are easy to avoid there).
My MIL today offered to take my 3 year old back to their Airbnb to do crafts. I said of course, thanks that’s so nice. I sent a bag of safe foods/snacks. about two hours go by and i get a picture of my daughter eating a full plate of food at a restaurant.
I am livid. I’m stressed. I don’t want them watching her anymore. My parents live near by and they can watch her when we go into the hospital. My husband thinks I’m overreacting. I just don’t see how. Our daughter could’ve had a major reaction and I could go into labor at any given time. WHY risk it? Why not call and consult me or my husband about taking her out? Even if she doesn’t have a reaction, it can increase systemic inflammation and can flare her asthma 🫠 which is a major source of anxiety for me—- and they know it. Not only that- but now we have to restart the 12 weeks because we have no idea if she was exposed or not.
My MIL isn’t a reasonable person. A conversation with her about this won’t resolve the issue. She gets flustered over any type of accusation and is never in the wrong about anything. I told my husband I just want to keep our daughter with us and when I go into labor have my parents watch her. We don’t need to make a big deal or scene. I don’t want to be worrying if my daughter’s safe.
Ami I over reacting? I seriously broke out into a crying fit over seeing my kid eating out because I’m so scared for her safety and well being. I know being super pregnant is contributing to the anxiety.
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I’m pregnant and hormonal, so I get you. However…holy smokes, Batman. You literally gave snacks she could eat, told them a place the could go, and gave them info on the allergy. And it was completely disregarded. It’s not rocket science.
Your husband shouldn’t sweep it under the rug, it’s y’alls kid’s health and your sanity.
Not overreacting. Send the inlaws back home and btw, you should never trust them to have unsupervised time with either kids now that you know they have no respect for you, your parenting and most importantly your kid’s health.
You have a husband problem. HE should be protecting your daughter and keeping you calm. He’s a fucking failure at both.
Your parents should have her if that will ease your stress. Period.
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Not overreacting at all. How your husband isn’t livid is beyond me. She directly went against your instructions and definitely could have put your child at risk of a bad allergic reaction including anaphylactic shock. She should never be alone with your child and get your parents to care for her when you go into labour. That’s something you should tell your terribly under reacting husband. I would never trust her again
Not overreacting. Why does your husband think it’s ok for his mom to go against the doctor’s orders and put your child at risk?
“Honey if our daughter goes into anaphylactic shock at a restaurant because you didn’t stop your mom from taking her there, it will be your fault.”
If that’s not enough of a wake up call for him he might be a lost cause.
Not over reacting. What is it they don’t understand about do not take my kid to a restaurant? What do they not understand about foods trigger her asthma? Do they just not care about their grandchild? Apparently not.
I actually feel like you’re under-reacting. There’s no room for grace when it comes to food allergies. Her feelings are not yours to manage and that would be the last time any of your children should be alone with her. She can’t be trusted to keep them safe. This isn’t going to be resolved with a conversation.
She absolutely knew what was expected of her, but wanted to make sure you knew that she will do whatever she wants no matter what you say. You also have a husband problem. He should be the one calling his mom out for endangering your child and causing a major setback in her elimination diet.
Hi. My MIL also did not take food allergies seriously. My husband finally caught his mom giving our child a big bite of cookie that contained dairy (his allergy).
The blow up, drag down, downright nasty fight that occurred when she tried to lie to him to his face about what he said with his own eyes? Necessary and while rough, helpful in the long term.
My husband told his mom since she didn’t care about her grandchild’s health, she was no longer in our lives. She threatened to kill herself. He told her to do it because she wasn’t his mother anymore anyway.
We were no contact for a good 2-3 weeks after that, even though MIL literally lived next door. Us taking it so seriously stamped a genetic memory on my MIL’s brain and she has been 75% better for the next 16 years. She learned she would immediately lose not only access to her son, but complete access to the grandkids. She learned, and now she listens.
Did your DH attend the appointment with you and daughter regarding allergies and elimination diet? Why doesn’t he care about medical neglect?
I assume this also mean that your poor kid needs to restart their elimination diet? In addition to being dangerous, that also just seems mean spirited.
You’re not overreacting. Your husband is under reacting.
Your MIL is not a safe person to have around a child with allergies. She cannot be allowed to take your child alone anymore, because she has demonstrated that her whims are more important to her than her grandchild’s health. She lied to you so that she could do an activity that is dangerous for your child.
Also, if your husband won’t get on board with the fact that he needs to 1) reprimand his mother for her actions, 2) tell her himself that she will not be allowed to watch your child alone anymore because of her actions, and 3) be the one to hold the line when she gets upset and blames you…then you have a husband problem.
OP’s husband, if you ever read these comments…I have food allergies. I survived a childhood with food allergies because the adults in my life were willing to protect me from people who would have hurt me accidentally and out of ignorance. Your mother was told explicitly not to do something that would hurt her grandchild, but she lied so that she could do it anyway. She has no excuse, and if you don’t step up and protect your child…I have no words except things that will get me banned from this sub.
Send her home. She gets a BiG timeout and the last alone time was the last alone time with your children.
Your husband needs a smack upside the head. His mother’s feelings do not outweigh his daughter’s life .
I’m sorry but your mother-in-law needs to back the fuck up. And you need to tell her plainly that she cannot see your kid anymore until she learns how to follow rules and boundaries. I wouldn’t care how the mother-in-law stands. I would just plainly state I told you not to do something. You did it anyway and now I have to restart everything because of your inconsideration. And tell her that because of that they will not be allowed the pleasure of your child without you around.
Never allowed anywhere near your children ever again. She endangered your child.
I would be insanely angry and not only am I not enormously pregnant, I am old. This is infuriating. Aside from everything else, having to restart the clock on a fairly challenging diet while you have a newborn is just extra frustrating. I’m super glad your child didn’t have a bad reaction to whatever was in that plate of food.
I’d be inclined to tell your MIL to pound sand. She’s anti-helpful.
Best of luck with labor!